LikeNoOther Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 His W's third marriage? Wow - this sounds like my MM's W... she used the kids the first time and also the fact that she has been married 3 times...
LikeNoOther Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 So true Sadbutrue!! I know it's futile I don't know why we even bother... I wish I could say, we the evil OW make this stuff up but it's not so. Since our word/experiences are not enough, all you have to do is take a gander over on the Infidelity forum and see all the cheaters that come out to share their stories, women and men alike, 8 out of 10 people that post there talk about doing the right thing about going back to their marriages because they feel it is the right thing to do they love their spouses etc. but they all admit to not knowing HOW to stop the deep feelings they have for the OP. And of course the BSs try to brush it off as the addiction the fantasy the everything THEY feel these people must feel but are clueless about because they are not in their shoes, and they beat the dead horse in hopes to hear what they want to hear. Inevitably one of two things happen, the cheaters gets tired of having to make excuses and poof! dissapear OR they simply dissapear before anything is demanded of them. They have their spouses to report to at home, plus the OP they've jut cut off and all the explanation they have to give them PLUS all the BSs here they need to report to and say the right thing to, to ease their pain as well. Regardless catch people who stray at the beginning of their threads and the truth is all there. A lot of our cases are no different. Gees even guys who had As for 3 months are messed up emotionally about it and yet if we listen to what some people say here we are to believe that men ALL compartmentalise and don't feel. I'm sure some do, but exactly HOW much are you compartemtalizing in 3 yr rel. Let's get real here! I'm sorry people don't just keep going back with someone for years on end simply for "sex" how naive can you be to that? besides everyone knows that sex is better when there are emotions vested, if lack of sex at home is what keeps people going back to their OW/Om then why not just get avergage sex at home!?!? Good sex is not about two people that are GREAT in bed, it is about the emtional tie, without it, it is just sex. And people yes, men in particular get tired of ""just sex"very quickly. Ask any guy. Otherwise one nite stands would not exist 9/10 times it is the man who does not want to return after the one night stand not the other way around. Why? because if there is no emotional connection there is no need to return, no matter how great looking the woman is. so to say that a guy has a "fling" for 2 yrs in an A that to me is the WRONG use of the word "fling" The forever stereotype here that eases all pain is OW are just hole receptors of sexual starvation, that's it. If life were like that none of us would be here, we would have all had our one night stand and "no harm done" I agree with you. It's funny though that what I have read on Loveshack esp the OW/OM forum, alot of people think we're delusional or make up all the sweet stories or even the sad ones. We're not THAT pathetic.
Onelife Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Maybe it's because it's already been her third M. Did she have any childrens prior to this M? Change is hard, no matter what...so she may think that she better sticks with this M regardless of the affair. Whoops! Sorry Mino and LikeNoOther! My bad! I got Mino's thread mixed up with LikeNoOther. It's not the BS's 3rd M. Ok still change is hard, especially when there are kids involved! And maybe staying for the kids is her very reason to take him back too. Some people believe having two parents there all the time helps ensure that the children will grow up to be well-rounded adults. But there are all more issues to every story. Just my two cents.
PoshPrincess Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Well, obviously there is such thing as a second chance and, fair enough. I believe though, that it is pretty likely MM has lied to her. I'm not saying he's doing this because he just wants to keep you on the side but maybe, in some weird way, he is trying to spare her feelings, let her down gently, whatever. Because of the child involved, leaving her is not that straightforward. Are you prepared to hang on indefinitely though, while he makes up his mind what he wants? Otherwise one nite stands would not exist 9/10 times it is the man who does not want to return after the one night stand not the other way around. Why? because if there is no emotional connection there is no need to return, no matter how great looking the woman is. so to say that a guy has a "fling" for 2 yrs in an A that to me is the WRONG use of the word "fling" This is a really good point. I've never thought of 'one-nighters' in this way before but I guess it's true. I also agree that 3 years isn't a fling. Yes, men can compartmentalise but if a man was purely out for sexual gratification then surely one-night-stands would be far less hassle! Not only would he not get emotionally attached but also it is less likely the OW would after just one night. I guess none of this is very rational though.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Yes, I said that in my second paragraph. It's also possible to emotionally detach after years together, whether it be to detach from wife or from the OW. Well if he detaches from he OW after a while WHY in the world is he going to still see her? He has a home, a W and kids, why in the world would he keep seeking out the OW just to compartmentalise? To have forced conversations, to be nagged "when are you leaving"" and for forced sex? what is it then? C'mon!! If he is going to compartmentalize with the OW why not cut her off? Gees, the extends some people will go to prove that a married guy has 0 emotions vested in the his OW is just hilarious!
Impudent Oyster Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It's worth the same thing marriage to his W is worth: NOTHING. If that were true the MM wouldn't be having such a hard time leaving his wife and being with his true love, now would he? The MM is still married because he wants to be.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Hi everybody, its been 3 years, its not a fling..... He wrote her and told her he is with me and wants a divorce. Last d day, she used child, she put major guilt trip on him and said if he left he would see the child only as much as the courts give, which is every other weekend. He is torn, I know that. He loves his child and I know he loves me, that I know after 3 years. She has fears too, being a single parent would be one. she is a bit naive, I think about her rights. Its just a mess, everyone is hurting. You know typically don't buy the staying for the children card, but this sounds very probable. A lot of women use their kids as weapons to have a man stay with them. It is a very powerful weapon indeed if the man feels anything at all for his children.
Impudent Oyster Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Hi everybody, its been 3 years, its not a fling..... He wrote her and told her he is with me and wants a divorce. And? If he wants a divorce he will get one. His wife can't stop him and neither can her "threats" if they really exist. Why aren't you asking him what he's waiting for? Tell him to get divorced, quit worrying about the wife, she can't stop him. This is beyond ridiculous. Your MM is still married because he wants to still be married, end of dicsussion.
Impudent Oyster Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 You know typically don't buy the staying for the children card, but this sounds very probable. A lot of women use their kids as weapons to have a man stay with them. It is a very powerful weapon indeed if the man feels anything at all for his children. It sounds like bullsh#t to me. If he wants visitation more than once every other weekend, why can't he get it? Is he a drug addict? An alcoholic? A criminal? Abusive? If a father wants to see his kids more he can petition for visitation, there is no reason it would be denied unless he's an unfit parent. Either he's an unfit parent or he's full of sh#t. I'm going with the latter. This guy has so many excuses I don't know where to start. He's not getting divorced because he doesn't want to.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It sounds like bullsh#t to me. If he wants visitation more than once every other weekend, why can't he get it? Is he a drug addict? An alcoholic? A criminal? Abusive? If a father wants to see his kids more he can petition for visitation, there is no reason it would be denied unless he's an unfit parent. Either he's an unfit parent or he's full of sh#t. I'm going with the latter. This guy has so many excuses I don't know where to start. He's not getting divorced because he doesn't want to. Because depending on where he lives (country) his A could be used against him in court. The woman can make his life miserable if she wants, heck some women threaten to take them for everything they have $$$ that could play a part in it to. Not in Canada, we live in no fault law system for D, but in other countries not like this. Oh please IO you're a woman I don't been to explain to you manipulation do I? Besides if he stays for the love to his W why in the world is he still with his OW for 3 yrs. Look he could very well be using as an excuse but the fact still stands, 3 yrs is a long time to keep someone on just for kicks.
Impudent Oyster Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 The woman can make his life miserable if she wants, heck some women threaten to take them for everything they have $$$ that could play a part in it to. Look he could very well be using as an excuse but the fact still stands, 3 yrs is a long time to keep someone on just for kicks. So what if the woman threatens to take him for everything he's got, she can't do it! There are lawyers and courts whose sole purpose is divide assets equitably. Sure she's going to get some money, she should, she's his wife, but no judge is going to let her have "everything". Are people really this stupid? I also wanted to add this, I think she SHOULD get compensated for being lied to and cheated on by her bastard of a husband for 3 years, but she won't. The courts don't issue revenge pay. Of course she wants to make his life miserable, do you think he's making her happy? Do you think it's kind and considerate of him to be screwing another woman? She won't get compensated for her misery either, but she'll get it out of her system and hopefully will move on and find a real man.
Impudent Oyster Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 they want to believe that tricky, sneaky, OW fool their simple minded H's into thinking they want to be with the OW. please. The same way tricky, sneaky BW's fool their simple minded H's into thinking they will never see their children again or take all their money? Like that?
luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Besides if he stays for the love to his W why in the world is he still with his OW for 3 yrs. Because the OW has allowed him to f her while he remains married - for 3 long years. He's a cake eater, and she's serving up chocolate cake on a silver platter - with a big ol' glass of milk to wash it down. How much more time do you want to waste? Do you not think there is a single man somewhere out there for you? There is, but you will never find him if you remain emotionally tied to this loser. Do yourself a favor and just stop cold turkey. I'll say it again - it's like taking off a band aid. The quicker you do it, the less it hurts.
reboot Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Preface: This is not aimed at anyone posting in this thread in particular. You know, I certainly see how the OW here get ganged up on, and called names, and treated badly in posts, etc. I feel sorry for them sometimes, I know we're all just making our way the best we can. I guess it all depends on your perspective. But you don't help your cause much when you're constantly calling the BS a bitter old bitch that just wants to take him for everything and ruin his relationship with his kids, and on and on and on. My gosh, don't you think she has a right to be bitter? He stood up there and said "forever" to her. What he really meant, of course, was "till something sexier comes along", but SHE didn't know that at the time. Maybe someday you'll get lucky enough to be the BS yourself and you'll know the incredible pleasure of getting your soul ripped out through your a**.
LikeNoOther Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Oh gee whizz... I am sooo sick and tired of that the whole cake eating cr*p! It's been used way too many times it's making me sick just looking at a cake!
stillafool Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 As far as an emotional connection is concerned... the MM has a deep emotional connection to his wife and kids. This is why he keeps going back home. Most of the time the MM and his W are having great sex but he still wants something on the side because these men like variety. I think he also has an emotional connection to the OW as well but does not need an emotional connection to have good sex. The emotional connection is obviously stronger to his wife or he wouldn't keep going back. The men who leave their wives for the OW obviously have a stronger emotional connection to the OP. Lots of time an affair makes the sex better with his wife. I've heard this over and over again. The sneaking around also heightens the excitement of an affair. Once D-day happens the game is over. Most men tell their W it was the OW who pursued them and won't leave them alone because they know this is what their wife wants to hear.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I don't know why you attacked me, TC. Maybe it's because I'm so well spoken and can construct a sentence correctly. Anyway, if your advice is for her to hang on and on to a guy who is just using her, I don't think you're doing her any favors. And what does anyone know of this guy's wife? What he tells people, and he's going to tell people what gets him what he wants. That's obviously all he really cares about. Who attacked you ? I made a comment about that stupid cake eating phrase, I am just sick of seeing it that's all. It's lame. To the second part of your sentence :lmao: no comment I'll just laugh. show me where I adviced anyone to hang on to a married guy. I find it more offensive that you make stuff up I never said, than to point out a trite phrase that has been used to death and has lost its appeal a LONG time ago.
NoIDidn't Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 The reality is a man that cares about his OW doesn't keep shredding her heart or expectations by staying home after one or more d-days. How many more d-days before the OW wakes up?
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 As far as an emotional connection is concerned... the MM has a deep emotional connection to his wife and kids. This is why he keeps going back home. Most of the time the MM and his W are having great sex but he still wants something on the side because these men like variety. I think he also has an emotional connection to the OW as well but does not need an emotional connection to have good sex. The emotional connection is obviously stronger to his wife or he wouldn't keep going back. The men who leave their wives for the OW obviously have a stronger emotional connection to the OP. Lots of time an affair makes the sex better with his wife. I've heard this over and over again. The sneaking around also heightens the excitement of an affair. Once D-day happens the game is over. Most men tell their W it was the OW who pursued them and won't leave them alone because they know this is what their wife wants to hear. honestly, who cares who he has a stronger connection to he is two timing TWO women equally. Need I say more? and yes you do need to have an emotional connection to go back for sex with someone for an extended period of time. we are not talking about a random going back for a "friends with benefit" reencounter with an ex, we are talking a rel outside of the marriage, BIG difference.
stillafool Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 BTW, this Sunday my Pastor did a sermon on marriage. He said these are the reasons to leave a marriage and God does not expect you to stay married if: 1- Your children are being sexually abused. 2- You are being physcially abused. 3- If your spouse has commited adultery on you - your covenant is broken with that person and you may leave conscience free. So I guess the "til death do us part" is only relevant if the above is not taking place.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I am so sick of that dumb-a$$ cliche about cake eating...it is so lame! Oh gee whizz... I am sooo sick and tired of that the whole cake eating cr*p! Of course some of you think its lame. You are on the losing end of it, right there along with the W who is stuck with him. The only person who 'wins' really is MM - he gets the security of a society approved marriage and as many benefits on the side as he can manage to get away with. You can thank Dr. Richard Rhoades for making the 'cakeman' thing so prevalent. Regardless of how much you don't like it, its hardly just a 'cliche'. Despite what you call it, the bottom line is the same. Some men like to have girlfriends while they choose to stay married. Just a fact of life.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Look call it what you want, the reality is a man who cares about his W does not continue a 3 yr rel with another woman, call it cake eating call it whatever little cliche you want, but forget about why the OW doesn't cut him off she has her own reality to deal with due to her lack of letting go. Why doesn't he let go if there is no emotional attachment at all? Because he is SELFISH. He is having it all and I'm sorry you hate the expression cake eater, but that is exactly what he is. A man who has TWO women and has no intention of changing a thing. He'll lead the OW on, enough to make her believe that there is hope to their 'future' and he'll do the same thing at home with his wife.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Of course some of you think its lame. You are on the losing end of it, right there along with the W who is stuck with him. The only person who 'wins' really is MM - he gets the security of a society approved marriage and as many benefits on the side as he can manage to get away with. You can thank Dr. Richard Rhoades for making the 'cakeman' thing so prevalent. Regardless of how much you don't like it, its hardly just a 'cliche'. Despite what you call it, the bottom line is the same. Some men like to have girlfriends while they choose to stay married. Just a fact of life. It has nothing to do with being on any end, I am in a normal rel. now. I just think it's a dumb expression that is used here ad nauseam. how about "best of both worlds" or "selfish" "user" "having it all" two timer" are just as useful descriptions, cake eater is annoying that's all.
reboot Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 By the way, cake eating is not limited to men.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 how about "best of both worlds" or "selfish" "user" "having it all" two timer" are just as useful descriptions, cake eater is annoying that's all. Ah.. gotcha.
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