What really is the problem. Would you leave the one you are with over this?

[blueladybird]

Hi. I would try to be as brief as possible. I would like it if long informative answers were provided. Thanks so much for your time.

My boyfriend and I just borke up. Everything seemed fine, before he travelled out of the country, back home to visit his parents for 3 weeks. Before he left, he came to visit me. He even planned to come back to my place from the airport. Our age range is between 20- 22. He was very nice to me, took me out several time. I was good to him as well, cooked whenever i was at his place, was a friend to him as well. Cared for him, loved him. Yes we did have some arguments, but they were petty. Nothing serious or major. He is much more reserved than I am. We had ecahother's facebook passwords, and then suddenly he changed his password. I was worried, because he refused to give it to me. He acted like he was hiding something. Somehow i managed to get into his account and found 2 messages he sent to 2 girls he had liked in the past. Nothing major, but a bit flirty. We had a little argument over it, only because i felt he had intentionally refused to give me his password etc. He still never gave it to me and to be honest it kepy me wondering what he was hiding.

Anyway, that passed, all was well. When we saw, we loved being wiht eachother, and barely argued. He travelled home and all was well.

Whilst abroad he started acting strange, very distant. I tried talking to him, but not much response. Just the usual, 'nothing is wrong'. He kepy behaving distant. something was wrong. I told him what was on my mind, told him to treat me like his better half etc, instead of ignoring me...he was angry.

A few days later i sent him a normal text and he sent back a message saying we needed to talk. The next day, he said he wanted a break because 'we argue too much and i go on and on about things'. I said to him, we rarely argue. He then changed the story saying it was him not me, and that he needed time to be alone.

I should have let him be, but being concerned i asked him a few days later, if he was having family problems or anything. He kept behaving so distant. When he was getting ready to return to uk, he said he was not coming to my place anymore. Instead he was going straight to uni(leciseter, where he is starting his masters in business). I was hurt. I sent him a message , very long, talking bout how i would be more understanding of his time, i basically even made myself accept things i was not true. in other words, i put all the blame on myself, all in a bid to give us a 2nd chance. I mean, there was no reason for this behaviour.

He came back to uk, and didnt even call me. I called him and we spoke for a bit. He said he would call me back, but never did. The net day i called, but he never called me back. The 3rd day, I asked him to be honest. I asked him if he wanted to work things out, or split up. He said to me' sorry i cant work things out now'.

I was devastated. After the lovely relationship we had had, after sending him that message, aftet evetyhing i had done. He has not called me since then. I am moving on gradually. It only happened a week ago.

My questions are these..' Boys or girls, women and men, would you split with your man or woman because 'you were arguing'etc? I mean, would you ignore a message asking to work things out, (even though in reality there was really nothing to work out). You had a lovely caring relationship with some petty aruguments and maybe the occasional feeling of jealousy. I mean how can you claim to care so much about someone, then all of a sudden decide you are arguing too much and dont even want to worj things out?

He claimed there is no one involved. He just cannot work things out. wow. What do you think? maybe he wanted to be free as he was starting post grad in a campus university, maybe his felings changed? We cared so much about eachother. Why was he so adamant about working things out? do you believe it was because we 'argued and i went on and on about things'? Bearing in mind that the only thing i 'went on about' was the fact that he kept on hidign his passowrd from me, arousing suspiciona bout what he was doing. In the messages i saw , he said to one of the girls at the end..'dont forget about me, and we will defnitely speak soon'. He said to her 'yes i think about you from time to time'.

Dont get it wrong, he was good to me when we were together. We were so caring to eachother. I am moving on but do you think if i stayed away for some time he would come back? I have not contacted him since we split, neither has he.

Finally, the last time we spoke, he said to me' its not you, its me.Im just not happy. would you dump you partnet cos you argue? I even messaged him saying that i didnt think it was a good idea we had eachother's facebook passwords and that i didnt want it. i Put in the message, every possible thing or problem i could think of, and how to reslove them. He did not want to try. wow. i guess he just wanted out, cos the 1st excuse he gave was so silly!!

What do you think??

[Curious139]

My questions are these..' Boys or girls, women and men, would you split with your man or woman because 'you were arguing'etc? I mean, would you ignore a message asking to work things out, (even though in reality there was really nothing to work out).

 

You had a lovely caring relationship with some petty aruguments and maybe the occasional feeling of jealousy. I mean how can you claim to care so much about someone, then all of a sudden decide you are arguing too much and dont even want to worj things out?

He claimed there is no one involved. He just cannot work things out. wow. What do you think? maybe he wanted to be free as he was starting post grad in a campus university, maybe his felings changed?

 

I know you are feeling confused and bewildered by how things have turned out. It hurts, particularly when there doesn't seem to be a valid reason to breakup.

 

There is a thread on here somewhere about closure - finding and accepting the reasons for the breakup. Ultimately there doesn't have to be a rational reason - people fall out of love, find someone else, have a life changing experience, are influenced by another person.........the list is endless.

 

Which isn't much help to you unless you can get to the point of accepting he was no longer committed to your relationship. We cannot own another person. Feelings change. Yes, I hate having to say that cos it happened to me but it is true nevertheless.

 

He is gone now. Heal yourself. there are many many good men out there and you'll meet one. No Contact with your ex is the best way to avoid renewing the pain.

 

Best wishes.

[blueladybird]

Thank you very much. It hurts so much, how someone can treasure you so much one day, and the next day act so cold.

I dont want to be friends with him, I wont even pick up his phone calls IF he calls. He has not even called me since the break up to find out how i am doing. I guess its the end.

[Theorem]

Thank you very much. It hurts so much, how someone can treasure you so much one day, and the next day act so cold.

I dont want to be friends with him, I wont even pick up his phone calls IF he calls. He has not even called me since the break up to find out how i am doing. I guess its the end.

 

definitely, agree about loving and then Being cold the next day. i always felt that perhaps the other person has had this on their mind much longer than you expected. and they may still care, but the made that decision to do whatever they were thinking about or breaking up and stuck to it. so afterwards they are completely indifferent to your feelings because their minds made up, and your left feeling lost/ devastated.

 

one other thing about breakups on here, is that...most of the time its normal for the other person to feel confused. they want to think its a complicated reason but in reality its the simple truth of whats in front of you or the other person describes to you.

 

being friends is much worse...it will keep you down forever! i still am having issues breaking contact with mine, when she calls its like just out of boredom, or to check if im alive. kinda like "HEY there, ok gtg TTYL bye." which adds to that feeling of missing what you had before since the person is COMPLETELY detached from you, while your still wanting to express those old feelings. Its not healthy...why drag on the pain you know?

 

wish you luck

[heartbroken_shak]

Hi

 

You should consider your self lucky, wat ever u just said make sure u stick to it..... and u will get through it, i rather be in your position then the position i'm in right now, the girl i was with still calls me and i call her.... just look at it in this way you will get over him sooner then u think.

 

it was very selfish wat he done to u..... my ex did the same to mebut stayed in contact and now i wish she did'nt, mind you evan if she did stop calling me now i would go crazy.

 

 

hope u get through this.. good luck

 

i'm from birmingham not to far from your self

[qwertyu]

There is a thread on here somewhere about closure - finding and accepting the reasons for the breakup. Ultimately there doesn't have to be a rational reason - people fall out of love, find someone else, have a life changing experience, are influenced by another person.........the list is endless.

 

do you happen to have the url or know the title of the thread? i would like to read it. thanks!

[Teach28]

I'm in a similar situation and it is hard when there's no real closure. It hurts even more when they go from loving you unconditionally to oh I'm sorry I can't do this. I don't know about your ex- but mine appeared to have some unresolved issues with himself. Makes it a little easier when you realize its not you that caused the break-up they just are not ready. Do your best to keep busy and move on- very tough I know!! If you're meant to be in months, years etc he will re-appeared but don't sit around waiting for that day. Do what you need to in order to make YOU happy. Hang in there it gets better!