rocketpixie Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 liddie, I'm sorry you're going through this but I think you know what being "friends" means now. He still wants you to be there for him sexually, he just can't be there for you emotionally. Are you okay with the relationship like this? You may love him, but I think it's very obvious that he doesn't love you. No matter what the reason is for him staying in his marriage, he is causing you pain and offering precious little in return. Only you know where your line is and how long you're willing to stay in the relationship as it is. Can you see yourself being in the same place in a year? 5? 10? Will he be willing to leave when the kids are 18, or will their feelings always be more important than yours?
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I guess it is one for the road...you know? Then he asked me if I was being careful...what the f**k? I told him you play with fire you are going to get burned! I dont understand? You were or were not using protection? Were you saying this to scare him that you weren't?
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I dont understand? You were or were not using protection? Were you saying this to scare him that you weren't? Don't even tell me that the next thread will be another one titled "I'M PREGNANT WITH MM'S BABY":rolleyes:.
annabelle75 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Je Ne - He never said he wants to reconnect with his wife, he said that he is going to stay where he is for the kids. If you knew the whole story of this marriage you would understand that he is in it for the kids and the kids only. We both initiated it actually. It just sort of happened. To be honest, I wished it was a purely sexual relationship with no emotions or feelings involved. Be a lot easier on the heart! Men say whatever they think will upset you the least. He may say he is not doing it to reconnect with his W, but that is exactly what he is doing. You need start paying attention to his actions. Lets list them for you: 1. He broke up with you. (until you convinced him to still give you a sliver of his time) 2. He is leaving town for a month and will make no attempt to contact you. (people that love each other find a way) 3. He is chosing to stay with his wife instead of you. I am not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to point out what is obvious to everyone but you. If you expecting him to come eagerly back to you when this month is over you are going to be even more hurt than you are now. He tried to let you go and do what was right for both of you, but you wouldn't let go. He wasn't strong enough at the time to cut you loose all the way, but in time he will. The time he now spends apart from you he will be working on his resolve and when he comes back it will breka your heart. I don't want to see you devistated like that. None of us do. You really need to look at this like any other relationship. Why fight to be with a man that wants to break up with you? Don't you want to be with a man that wants to be with you? He doesn't.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I agree with Annabelle. And fighting for time off a man who has tried to end the relationship (and I hate to be mean but I'm going to say it) spells desperation to me. And we're all desperate sometimes Liddie, desperate to recapture the relationship we thought we had, and the future we saw so clear. That goes for "normal" relationships too. You worried me with the "using protection" thing then, and I'm hoping you're not desperate enough to trap him and I just misread your sentence, because you would only be trapping yourself to a R where your MM has ended your relationship and returned to his marriage. I think the month of NC will be a clarifying thing that will happen to your relationship. It gives your MM a chance to think (although it does sound like he has already made up his mind) but more importantly, it gives you a chance to get used to having him out of your life, to focus your attention elsewhere knowing you CANT contact him. And, again, I think Annabelle is correct when she says that if its love, love always finds a way to contact. In a way, I commend your MM for ending it with you now, not skipping off on the NC month and hoping you might forget about it.
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I guess it is one for the road...you know? Then he asked me if I was being careful...what the f**k? I told him you play with fire you are going to get burned! You mean you're not on the pill and you two didn't use protection??? Je Ne - He never said he wants to reconnect with his wife, he said that he is going to stay where he is for the kids. If you knew the whole story of this marriage you would understand that he is in it for the kids and the kids only. We both initiated it actually. It just sort of happened. To be honest, I wished it was a purely sexual relationship with no emotions or feelings involved. Be a lot easier on the heart! Yeah, right. If you believe him, I've got some swamp land to sell ya! This man is and has been lying to his wife, betraying her, betraying his own children...You think he wouldn't ever lie to you? Do you really believe that he isn't having sex with his wife, or reconnecting with her? He's told you he has no intention of leaving... You end it. If you don't, he'll allow you to stay the OW for as long as you're willing to put up being treated like a second class citizen.
Impudent Oyster Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I guess it is one for the road...you know? Then he asked me if I was being careful...what the f**k? I told him you play with fire you are going to get burned! So, you had unprotected sex with a man who TOLD YOU he loves his wife and says there is no future for the two of you? Is that what you're saying? I think it's what you said, but I just can't believe it, so I'm making sure. Gee, maybe you can trap him with a baby. That's the ticket.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Gee, maybe you can trap him with a baby. That's the ticket. Stop victimizing a grown man, he knows very well that he is not using protection how is that "trapping" him? If he is that worried that he will be trapped don't ask if you are being protected, protect yourself. But he is prob too selfish to do that too.
GreenEyedLady Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Stop victimizing a grown man, he knows very well that he is not using protection how is that "trapping" him? If he is that worried that he will be trapped don't ask if you are being protected, protect yourself. But he is prob too selfish to do that too. Amen sister!
outofdarkness Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Stop victimizing a grown man, he knows very well that he is not using protection how is that "trapping" him? If he is that worried that he will be trapped don't ask if you are being protected, protect yourself. But he is prob too selfish to do that too. Yeah, I agree TC!!! He bears just as much responsibility...What a shame for this OW...She says that she will settle for a little piece of him well...that is exactly what she is getting...and not a great piece I might add..ood
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Stop victimizing a grown man, he knows very well that he is not using protection how is that "trapping" him? Maybe she lied about being on the Pill? Or she skipped afew pills?
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Yeah, I agree TC!!! He bears just as much responsibility...What a shame for this OW...She says that she will settle for a little piece of him well...that is exactly what she is getting...and not a great piece I might add..ood :lmao: sorry I couldn't help bolding that comment it made me laugh outloud OOD, that is indeed what she is getting a very little teeny tiny "pencil" peice of him.. I don't mean any disrespect to you liddie by that comment, it's solely on him.This guy sounds kind of trashy I'm sorry to say that I know you have feelings for him, but he has told you that he no longer wants to be with you and he wants to work things out with his W but your rel. is good enough to keep going on sex alone? liddie I hope you can wake up soon and stop allowing this "scum bag" to use you like this, I'm sorry if that sounds too harsh but he is just using what he can get and he is calling the terms, god he does NOT deserve that at all. I know it's hard for you to break away but think some day when you come to your senses and it all falls into place you might go back and kick yourself for allowing him to continue taking from you like this. I wish you could see it now...sighhh.... You know no one wants to suffer or feel pain but quite honestly sometimes pain is best to be dealt with upfront and once and for all and life will begin again.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Maybe she lied about being on the Pill? Or she skipped afew pills? Maybe a GROWN man going back to work on his marriage who is going back for more from the mistress he has cut-off, should take personal responsiblity he does nothing further to jeopardise the choice he has made, he is still married afterall....who's life would be more complicated if a child came into the picture? Sorry but no excuse, ESPECIALLY if he doubts she skipped a pill...don't leave your fait in someone else's hands if you want to be 99.9% certain, is my philosophy...some may disagree. Well don't continue the A if you are staying with your W, is more the the first choice but that's another story...
bish Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 For the past 9 months I have been with a MM. This morning he told me that he has no plans on leaving his wife for the time being. He wants me to move on and end this relationship, however, he wants us to be friends. I have told him time and time again that there is no way we can be friends once this is over. So instead I suggest to him that we redefine our relationship and set some boundaries and see how that works. I have come to the point that having just a small part of him is better than having nothing at all. That really is as stupid as it sounds. I am in love with this guy and I really don't want to loose him... Proving once again that cheating jerks get the women.
Touche Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Proving once again that cheating jerks get the women. Not so. They get SOME women and certain kinds of women. Probably not the kind that you'd want if you get my drift. No offense to the OP here.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Not so. They get SOME women and certain kinds of women. Probably not the kind that you'd want if you get my drift. No offense to the OP here. If you were not meaning offense to the OP exactly who is not supposed to feel offended by that statement? you realise a good 70% of people in this forum are OW right?
Touche Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 If you were not meaning offense to the OP exactly who is not supposed to feel offended by that statement? you realise a good 70% of people in this forum are OW right? If the shoe fits....
sadbuttrue Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Not so. They get SOME women and certain kinds of women. Probably not the kind that you'd want if you get my drift. No offense to the OP here. i am sorry but i feel this statement is extremely inaccurate. just because someone has an affair with someone does not place them in the ranks of the undesirables or whatever you were trying to refer us to. from what i have seen, a great majority of the OW here are very caring, loving women who are not malicious at all.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 a great majority of the OW here are very caring, loving women I agree. But many also have low self esteem and settle for less. Each of you deserve a man who can give you the world, and sadly 9/10 a MM can't offer you that, atleast not while he's married. I know too, that many of you don't feel you're settling, and that you love your MM and what he offers you is enough. I've read some newer members (maybe older ones too) who were OW and are so glad they got out and realized that no matter how much you love a MM, there IS happiness with someone else out there.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 there IS happiness with someone else out there. Someone who can give you their all.
sadbuttrue Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 yes, i agree. in a perfect world, i would want a man with whom i could spend my life with. i would love to have someone to always be there for me. but unfortunately i fell in love with a MM and have not gotten out of it yet. i know it will end eventually, but some part of me still wants to hope that there could be more with him.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 yes, i agree. in a perfect world, i would want a man with whom i could spend my life with. i would love to have someone to always be there for me. but unfortunately i fell in love with a MM and have not gotten out of it yet. i know it will end eventually, but some part of me still wants to hope that there could be more with him. The weaker part of you is hanging on...You won't let the logical and realistic strong side of you take over and actually end it. You're settling for less, taking those stolen moments with him to fill in the gaps in your life. SBT, you're such a warm and caring person, full of love to offer! It's just no matter what you do or don't do, he is still with his wife. That isn't going to change. He's chosen NOT to end his marriage, he's chosen to be with his wife...And, you've allowed yourself to be at his beckon call. That is crappy...It isn't a fulfilling relationship. And, it's doing alot of damage to you. Pricilla is another wonderful woman, who is suffering because of her involvement with her MM. She's down, she's feeling anxious, she's unsettled...Most of those feelings of angst IS because of the affair she's in.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I agree. But many also have low self esteem and settle for less. Each of you deserve a man who can give you the world, and sadly 9/10 a MM can't offer you that, atleast not while he's married. I know too, that many of you don't feel you're settling, and that you love your MM and what he offers you is enough. I've read some newer members (maybe older ones too) who were OW and are so glad they got out and realized that no matter how much you love a MM, there IS happiness with someone else out there. No not many have low self esteem, some do. In a lot of these relationships we got a lot beleive it or not we just didn't get it all. But the "a lot" was so much that is kept us hopeful, so it's not about low self esteem it is about hope in something that is hopeless. Is that caused by low self esteem or for taking a leap of faith on what is put in front of us? Everyone at some time has hope for things that will never pan out because hope is what keeps us alive. And even people who are fully available don't give you "the world"that's bit much, but on the flip side settling for little is not the way to go.
sadbuttrue Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 i just started another thread about the hope. it really is the worst part of it all.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 No not many have low self esteem, some do. In a lot of these relationships we got a lot beleive it or not we just didn't get it all. But the "a lot" was so much that is kept us hopeful, so it's not about low self esteem it is about hope in something that is hopeless. Is that caused by low self esteem or for taking a leap of faith on what is put in front of us? Someone having an affair with a married person and who continues to stick around to wait for a married person who says he isn't leaving in hopes that they will leave DOES have self esteem issues. Man or woman. Doesn't matter. Self esteem issues are not gender orienated.
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