liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 For the past 9 months I have been with a MM. This morning he told me that he has no plans on leaving his wife for the time being. He wants me to move on and end this relationship, however, he wants us to be friends. I have told him time and time again that there is no way we can be friends once this is over. So instead I suggest to him that we redefine our relationship and set some boundaries and see how that works. I have come to the point that having just a small part of him is better than having nothing at all. That really is as stupid as it sounds. I am in love with this guy and I really don't want to loose him...
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 liddie, You don't want to lose him but, he's not yours to lose. Run away now. It'll be easier now than later. TF
reboot Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 And if he wants it over, it isn't like you have a choice.
jj2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 For the past 9 months I have been with a MM. This morning he told me that he has no plans on leaving his wife for the time being. He wants me to move on and end this relationship, however, he wants us to be friends. I have told him time and time again that there is no way we can be friends once this is over. So instead I suggest to him that we redefine our relationship and set some boundaries and see how that works. I have come to the point that having just a small part of him is better than having nothing at all. That really is as stupid as it sounds. I am in love with this guy and I really don't want to loose him... I hope you can be happy with that small part of him because that is all you are ever going to get. He was never yours to loose. My advice, end the relationship and go out and find a single guy that is willing to give you all of him, not just a small part. I wouldn't settle for anything less.
stillafool Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 You poor thing you are on a roller coaster and can't get off. There's no way to continue a relationship with this man. The only boundaries that should be set is your leaving him alone. He has ended it with you and any further contact will just put you in more pain because you can never have him. He has had a fling with you and now wants to run back to his wife. He will probably have another affair when he gets bored with his home life again. He is saying "let's just be friends" to make it easier on you when he probably knows you two will never be friends. Pick yourself up, brush you self off, regain you self repect and leave him alone. Don't chase after him as he is not and was not your man but someone elses.
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 For the past 9 months I have been with a MM. This morning he told me that he has no plans on leaving his wife for the time being. He wants me to move on and end this relationship, however, he wants us to be friends. I have told him time and time again that there is no way we can be friends once this is over. So instead I suggest to him that we redefine our relationship and set some boundaries and see how that works. I have come to the point that having just a small part of him is better than having nothing at all. That really is as stupid as it sounds. I am in love with this guy and I really don't want to loose him... Reading your post makes me sad for you - For so many reasons... You're settling for table scraps. This man is married and isn't ever going to leave his wife. If you stay with him, you'll be losing out on so much. You'll never 'have' him the way you want him. You'll give 100% to him, you won't get that back. No holidays, birthdays, no being part of ALL his life, just certain parts that he chooses to share with you. It is stupid, you are making a real bad choice! So what if you love him. He isn't yours to have, even if he is offering himself to you - IT IS only for a side dish. Don't you feel you deserve better and MORE? A loving, open and honest relationship with someone? You'll never ever get that from him...No kids, no life built with him, no home, no family....Just sex and fun on the side WHEN HE chooses to be with you. You'll be last on his list. His wife, kids if he has any, job, friends, family members ALL will come first before you. The harsh and sad reality of your affair is, YOU lose out. 9 months isn't that long so you should leave now before your heart gets in deeper. Another thing to think about, you're helping this man cheat on his wife, betray her and their kids (again, if he has any). I hope you read more in this section, and also go read in the infidelity section so you can see the pain that EVERYONE goes through. Think of this too, imagine if he did leave his wife for you...Could you really trust him? This guy whom you love, who cheated on his wife after saying vows to her, infront of their family and friends...That wasn't enough to keep him faithful, do you think he'd stay faithful to you? My guess is a big fat NO.
Meaplus3 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 For the past 9 months I have been with a MM. This morning he told me that he has no plans on leaving his wife for the time being. He wants me to move on and end this relationship, however, he wants us to be friends. I have told him time and time again that there is no way we can be friends once this is over. So instead I suggest to him that we redefine our relationship and set some boundaries and see how that works. I have come to the point that having just a small part of him is better than having nothing at all. That really is as stupid as it sounds. I am in love with this guy and I really don't want to loose him... Liddie, I hate to break this to you, but the two of you Can NEVER be friend's again! Having a small part of him will only make you hold onto false hope and take away from your healing process. NC is best and complete NC. Good Luck! AP:)
Tomcat33 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Liddie - yes it is foolish to keep this man around even for tiny interjects at a time, however I can understand that everyone needs their time and frame of mind or boilling point to make drastic changes. If what you need is to wheen yourself off of him for the time being until you can adjust to the idea that he will never EVER leave his W, then so be it, for some people this works out better than to just cut him off cold turkey. But that should be your ultimate goal, to cut him off for good. If you hurt now, be prepared to hurt even more the more you anticipate getting from him. I am so sorry that you can't see straight right now, he has such a wrap on your emotions that you are willing to sacrifice your own wellbeing in order to be with him. I hope sooner than later you find what is best for you.
annabelle75 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I really feel for you. Having some on tell you they don't want to be with you anymore is devistating no matter what the circumstances. You need to stop looking at this as in the context of an affair. Look at is as a normal relationship where the man you are with has told you he doesn't want to be your boyfriend anymore. That is exactly what has happened and in esssence you have offered yourself up as a "friend with benefits" because you are too afraid of losing him. Sadly, he is already gone. Like any break up you need to accept that he is choosing to not be with you. It hurts but it is his choice. Only after you have accepted this will you be able to move on to something better. As long as you keep trying to hang on to this one last sliver of him in your life, you will only casue yourself more pain. Eventually you will cross a line becasue of your love for him and he will take that sliver away from you. It will hurt even more then. Its time to say good bye now. I'm so sorry. I wish there was some easy way to deal with the loss and the pain. Just remember that you will be OK eventually, and that we are here for you.
Impudent Oyster Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I have come to the point that having just a small part of him is better than having nothing at all. That really is as stupid as it sounds. I am in love with this guy and I really don't want to loose him... You can't lose what you never had. The only stupid thing would be continuing to allow this guy to use you when the mood strikes, and I can take a wild guess at which small part of him he's willing to let you have...
ladybug63 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I am in the same situation. I wanted to know also how can we be friends after a 4 year A? You have to read my thread to understand. I guess you might say in my situation friends meant to continue doing all the things we were doing except for the intimacy. That was the only thing that had stopped. We were still in contact with each other. I didn't understand if to remain friends was even possible. But thanks to coming to this forum I was able to understand it better.
Author liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 He wasn't wanting to end it with me cuz he is ready to recommit to his wife he said that he thinks that it would be the best for me to end it. He leaves for a month in the morning and we both agreed that this break will give us come time to think about everything and and clarify some things as well. He will be in an area without cell service so we won't be in any contact for one month. Just what the doc ordered!!
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 and clarify some things as well. He will be in an area without cell service so we won't be in any contact for one month. Just what the doc ordered!! how much more clarity do you need than I'm married.. I'm not leaving my wife and it would be better if you move on ? I think you are making a terrible mistake.. he is giving you the out and you won't take it.. By the way.. Do areas without cell service really exist anymore?.. I mean besides on a ship?
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 He wasn't wanting to end it with me cuz he is ready to recommit to his wife he said that he thinks that it would be the best for me to end it. He leaves for a month in the morning and we both agreed that this break will give us come time to think about everything and and clarify some things as well. He will be in an area without cell service so we won't be in any contact for one month. Just what the doc ordered!! Is it clear to BOTH of you that there are NO expectations of further contact during & after his leaving in the morning? And Yes, this is what the doctor has odered in order for you to move on without him & for him to reconnect with his wife & fix his marriage. TF (((((Liddie)))))
Author liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Art - As hard as it is to believe there are areas without cell phone service, I have a cottage that my cell doesn't work at and where he will be out west in the deep dark woods there are no towers!
Author liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 I am not going to piss and moan while he is gone. I am going to go out and have fun and remember what life was like before my MM came into it. If we can get thru a month just fine without each other then we will be just fine without each other for the rest of our lives too!!
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I am not going to piss and moan while he is gone. I am going to go out and have fun and remember what life was like before my MM came into it. If we can get thru a month just fine without each other then we will be just fine without each other for the rest of our lives too!! Boy I wish I had a dancin' smiley!!!!!!!! Good for you liddie You're too good for him!!!!! TF
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 He wasn't wanting to end it with me cuz he is ready to recommit to his wife he said that he thinks that it would be the best for me to end it. He leaves for a month in the morning and we both agreed that this break will give us come time to think about everything and and clarify some things as well. He will be in an area without cell service so we won't be in any contact for one month. Just what the doc ordered!! Liddle, if your MM was a single guy and asked to end the relationship would you ask him to change the boundaries just so you could have a snippet of his time? Although it may not feel like it, it appears your MM has done an honourable thing - he has ended his relationship truthfully with you by saying he wants to recommit to his wife and his marriage. I feel for you, because the end of a relationship is horrible, we all know that. But, in a way, he has done it in a way to cause you the least hurt - like ripping off a plaster, instead of the long drawn-out route involving lies and deceit that some MM's take. Take the month of NC to heal, not to figure out how to keep him in your life. Concentrate on what you want from you're life and how you can make yourself feel better. Hugs (())
Author liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 The part of all of this that I have not said....we have talked again this morning and had sex!! STUPID STUPID STUPID
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 The part of all of this that I have not said....we have talked again this morning and had sex!! STUPID STUPID STUPID Ok fine. DON'T TAKE ANY MORE STEPS BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Well, it happens. But did you initiate it or did MM? If you're initating sex with a MM who wants to end your relationship with you, I cant help but think the focus of your relationship will become a sexual one leaving you feeling even more hurt and used. If MM is initiating whilst still wanting to recommit to his wife, he's contradicting your relationship. Is these the boundaries you want in your relationship?
Author liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 I guess it is one for the road...you know? Then he asked me if I was being careful...what the f**k? I told him you play with fire you are going to get burned!
Author liddie Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Je Ne - He never said he wants to reconnect with his wife, he said that he is going to stay where he is for the kids. If you knew the whole story of this marriage you would understand that he is in it for the kids and the kids only. We both initiated it actually. It just sort of happened. To be honest, I wished it was a purely sexual relationship with no emotions or feelings involved. Be a lot easier on the heart!
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I guess it is one for the road...you know? Then he asked me if I was being careful...what the f**k? I told him you play with fire you are going to get burned! Doesn't matter! End it! He leaves in the morning. The End
TogetherForever Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 He wasn't wanting to end it with me cuz he is ready to recommit to his wife he said that he thinks that it would be the best for me to end it. He leaves for a month in the morning and we both agreed that this break will give us come time to think about everything and and clarify some things as well. He will be in an area without cell service so we won't be in any contact for one month. Just what the doc ordered!! I misread this. He is not ending it with you cause of recommitting to his wife but because it would be good for you to end it. There's nothing to clarify. He's an a8ss. I really hope you never have any type of contact with him ever again!! Move on & upward liddie.
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