How do I turn down his great sex?

[dvsxx6]

I'm trying to think of an excuse to tell this guy I've been fooling around with that I don't want to have sex on Friday. [we fooled around last nite, but the last time before this was a couple months ago. I stopped answering his calls, but then I gave in and we started talking again]. Sure, if I had willpower to hold out or tell him [in an effective way] I'd be great but the thing is, I looove it. But I still do want to make him wait for it

 

I can't use my period as an excuse b/c he's actually alrite doing the deed while I have it [which is preeetty gross if you ask me, but then again I wanted it too].

 

There is NO way I'm going to tell him I have an STD because I don't, and that for one is a very nasty thing to say. And besides, if I did, he'd probably not want to have sex and then I'd be punishing myself.. for nothing. lol. We're both insanely attracted to each other, and it's almost 100% lust. Any suggestions? He always gets me somehow, so what should I tell him?

 

In the past, he'd always want to take me out. I'm not sure if he was genuinely trying to get to know me or not. I would flake out on him most of the time because though I was really into him, I always had other options. Plus he's 27 and I'm 21 so I always felt a lil' young compared to him. I know he had other options too, I know he did, and probably still does. It's weird to say but I'm afraid of getting emotionally attached to him. I do actually have SOME feelings for him but we're both running our own agendas. I guess once you start having real feelings [for someone like him and also being the way that I am..], it's game over.. I think of us as more FWB though.

 

Btw, I'm supposed to be meeting his sister and her boyfriend on Friday. [who he's very close with]. We're going to the beach. Why am I meeting his sister and her bf? I thought that's something you'd do if you liked the girl. You bring them around your family. That's what I've done in my good girl past. Is he being casual? I know for sure he's not making me his gf or wanting something serious, although I would like that [and actually, I really do have fun with him: he's very funny, gorgeous, intelligent, wealthy, charming + more.... I'm just confused..

 

So to sum it up:

1) How should I tell him about no nooky on Friday?

2) Why am I meeting his sister and bf?

 

Thanks in advance, it's much appreciated

[Krytie TV]

If you don't have enough respect for yourself and your body to just tell him you don't want to, what can any of us do for you? Geez... it's your body. Take control of it.

[dvsxx6]

Krytie TV:

Actually, you're right. When I first read what you wrote, I was kind of pissed. But I realize that I should just tell him in the way I feel that's best. I shouldn't have to be any more deceitful than I already have been. Or have to make up an excuse. It's bad karma. heh. Believe it or not, I do have respect for my body.. I just feel that this is the only way I could get with him because I think deep down I do have feelings for him but I know it's not possible b/c we're at different points in our lives. I don't want these feelings, though.. Anyway. Thanks for your thoughts

[lovelorcet]

This is not meant to be mean but you sound pretty immature as far as this sex issue goes.

 

By flaking out on him you pretty much shot yourself in the foot. Flaking out on someone means not treating them with respect. So why should he treat you any different?

 

I think you made a lot of this mess yourself and if you would have dealt with these things in a more mature manner from the get go you would not be in this position.

 

My suggestion would be to really think about what you actually want from this guy and then act accordingly.

 

If you want to pursue a relationship with him then do that and treat him with a little more respect.

 

I would not suggest a FWB situation with this guy because you really do not sound like you are going to be able to handle that type of situation.

[lino]

You sound like a few of the girls I've been involved with. You got yourself into it & only you can get yourself out of it.

 

This is good advice if it applies:

If you want to pursue a relationship with him then do that and treat him with a little more respect.

 

 

If you're not interested in a relationship with him, then either tell him that or just flake out permanently.

[dvsxx6]

I think I want a relationship w/ him.. but I dont think it'll work or if he'll have it. I don't know, I've never had the chance to talk to him about it. I normally wouldn't talk to a guy about something like this unless I REALLY know for sure we have: chemistry, things in common, and the like. I'm afraid to ask him because I wouldn't know what to say. Because we always do the deed, I'm just concerned he's going to say he doesn't want anything and we could be FWB. I'm not sure if I can handle a relationship w/ him bc I don't think we have enough things in common to last. And the alcohol.. when I find a person I want a deeper connection w/, I am NOT going to be drinking like how I do when I see this guy. [almost every time I see him].

 

Anyway. When I stopped answering his calls in the past [i did this b/c when he said he'd call he didn't call. I didn't want him to think I was just WAITING around for him. Even if I kind of was, but I didn't want him to feel like he had power & control over me. I didn't and don't like that. And at that point, I was getting really emotionally involved so I wanted to be his gf but I also wanted to just be FWB because I didn't feel a relationship would last

 

[btw, he said 2 days ago he'd call me yesterday, but he didn't. Usually I'd say I'd call him but I wouldn't. Should I have called him yesterday when he didn't call?.. It's hard when I have some feelings for him when I shouldn't. I just shouldn't.. When I left his car, I gave him a kiss on the cheek which I normally wouldn't have. He kissed my cheek at the same time, which meant we just want to be friends. Maybe he was just going along with it, but if he wanted something, he would've kissed my lips. I did that b/c I want something, but I know it may not be possible]

 

So yeah, he'd tell me that he's busy with work [he works 5 days a week, sometimes 6. And he goes surfing, too], which I was ok w/. I've learned not to be clingy. Anyway. I just feel that if I were older, we'd be on the same page. He's everything I want but at my age, and at this stage in my life, I can't handle it: Him and his lifestyle. Usually I'd be able to get over someone if I need to, but this is different. He's everything I want in a guy and I hate admitting that. I also feel like I can learn a lot from him, about myself and about life in general. That's why I wouldn't want to stop talking to him too..

 

Emotionally I'm so confused: I have some feelings for him, I know it wouldn't work out [he's busy, I'm busy, and we were just about the sex]I don't want to get hurt, I want to continue talking w/ him because I learn a lot from him, I don't just want sex anymore, I shouldn't like him.

 

Everytime I post about him, I get kind of mad because I'm not supposed to be feeling this way about him. I know he doesn't care about me, though he says he does. He always tells me that my "talk is cheap". [b/c I'd cancel on him. b/c I wouldn't call when I said I would.] Maybe I should've handled things differently but I was getting too emotionally involved & I was protecting myself by pulling away.

 

In the past I'd flake because I also had self esteem issues. Now I'm kind of flakey bc I don't want to get hurt. I like to be in control. But he likes to be in control. If I'm not in control, I do what I need to do to be in control.

 

I think the hole I've dug myself in is pretty deep, and right now I feel like just being friends w/ him. Without sex. I've just got to get my emotions in order, somehow. heh. I think it's possible to start over, but it's going to be pretty hard..

 

Thanks for the replies.

[norajane]

Why don't you just tell him you aren't sure what kind of relationship you two are having or want to have, and you don't want to have sex anymore until that's clear to both of you?

 

Why is that so hard to say?

[musikaprinsesa]

laugh while having sex