Theorem Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 well after my ex broke up with me, and i sobbed (never even cried over really much else in my life, totally devastated) its been a month, she left on a vacation to think things over and just up and had a New BF not long into the trip (pretty sure she was considering this guy long long ago) now once in a while, she will call me...if shes sitting around doing nothing, or waiting for him to pick her up. she acts very monotone and indifferent, could be because i act this way as well in the state of mind im in talking to her after everything, (cant pretend im happy). And usually ill say something that somehow upsets her...which i think is she just doesnt care to listen to anything i say like before like no need to put up with me. it definately makes me feel worse though, little constant attacks to my self esteem, alot is just me being in the low state of mind from what ive realised but i cant get a grip to get out of this pit... it seems very obvious that talking to her is detrimental to my well being, how could i honestly be friends with her? is that what she even wants? i feel this feeling like, Asking mysefl why i loved her frequently, whether its for closure or just understanding. i think to myself basically was it all lust? love? is the rejection why i am so torn up about things...am i missing something, i am a pretty logical person with problems...if i dont fully understand somethign ill drive myself nuts about it. during the relationship i told her i was willing to change my attitude and be nicer etc. and it was temporary...after that its like she kept breaking up with me week after week. (worse and worse it got) and now i have this feeling of a total loss in self-confidence in myself. i was always begging her back, and she said no etc etc. One strong feeling ive had for a couple weeks was...feeling like the biggest mistake was being wimpy and clingy...which just created a new image of myself. if i didnt respect myself...maybe thats why she didnt either anymore.
Author Theorem Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 sorry for the rant, just not sure why after this time...im still so down... its been my first relationship and im 23, it only lasted 3 months but i was friends with her for 2 years (our friendship was shakey too) now i feel like i lost a part of me
Spinderella Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Continuing talking with your ex after the first few days is a big mistake. Its just putting yourself through the rejection time and time again. It is very rare for anyone to get back together after a break up, so there is absolutely no point at all in thinking that had you handled things differently you may have been able to get her back. If she kept breaking up it sounds like constant rejection has been the theme of the entire relationship. Sounds like you kept the same pattern of behaviour after the break up too. Probably the end of the relationship was confusing for you, because it was much the same as the relationship! Dont kick yourself about it, just resolve that next time someone rejects you, you dont keep trying to prove yourself to them. If someone doesnt want to be with you its up to them. Walking away is up to you. The sooner you stop answering her calls, the better you will start to feel. I know my first relationship was pretty bad, I was very young, and for a while I believed that thats what relationships were like. Relationships can and should be really good. Good luck for your future relationships.
Author Theorem Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 yea your right, i was confused all the time, even more so afterwards chasing her around, but it was only the last Month following the real breakup that she continued to reject me, the rest of the relationship was much different until it went a steep downhill. my behavior didnt change, it may just be a huge part of me...i dunno...i tried and eventually it would just go back. either That or we were a ODD pair who couldnt match up. thanks for the advice, i feel alittle better
Spinderella Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I think most of us have chased at the end of a relationship at some point or other, just read some of the other threads. You learn at some point that just accepting it, is the only way youre going to heal. Theres no point in fighting the inevitable. You will begin to feel stronger if you now cut all contact.
serendipity2501 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 theorem, i totally agree about the last point u made saying how being "needy and clingy" portrays a new, weaker image of yourself. i have recently broken up (1 and a half weeks ago) with my ex of 2 and a half years. they went off to uni, and i have bin left alone. i too kept and still do keep calling/txton/IM, whatever it takes to talk with the person you love. yet i know everytime we talk it will be like being kicked when im already down. its so hard to deal with. i know in my head the best option is to have NC, but in my heart and in idealistic world i want to be friends. im only just coming to terms with the fact that this is highly unlikely.
Author Theorem Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 yea and for that other person they see how i feel about myself like its projected outward (with being sad and having negative perceptions of your self image or lack self respect.) i was on my knees begging and thats not me... i think alot went wrong with the relationship over time but all the groveling at the end just made it easier for her to chose to move on and be just friends. i know inside im seeking that feeling to be loved again, which is making things more difficult. its hard to put things ina positive light...to understand why it wasnt meant to be...maybe in time
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