depressed boyfriend

[Barefoot]

i've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. we both have our individual problems but until recently nothing has really come between us. he has even helped me beat bulimia.

 

in the past year he has slowly slipped into a depressive state. at first they were just mood swings but he'd always return to normal. usually while he was down he didn't really recognize it until he was in a good mood again. its been probably about four or five months now straight. he has barely any interest in sex, never wants to leave the house for recreation, worries about me cheating on him and has dreams about me with other people (i've never cheated on he's never actually suspected me), and is just distant and vacant.

 

when i try to talk to him about it he gets either defensively annoyed or starts talking about me breaking up with him. i would stay with him forever if he were willing to make try to make progress. he has a child i've grown very attached too as well.

 

i try to be supportive but i don't know what to do. he refuses to see a doctor. he says he has "his own way" of dealing with it, which mostly means brooding. i try not be be affected but i'm a pretty sensitive person and his mood always seeps into me. all i can really think is that he's one of those people who has always had some sort of struggle in his life. he's always at his best when he's giving someone advice or triumphantly overcoming something. perhaps he's unhappy because there's no apparent adversary?

 

does anyone have any suggestions? i'd really appreciate it.

[LoveLace]

There comes a point, in my opinion, when a person starts to appear somewhat selfish, when they all do is sit around, feel sorry themselves, and refuse to explore options of getting help. If it starts to look this way to you, you might eventually resent him and I'm sure you don't want that. I'm also sure it's nothing a person does on purpose (appear shelfish).

 

Have you ever told him how this affects you? Cuz when your a couple, your majorly affected by each other's behaviors. He's worried about you cheating or leaving...but what he should really worry about is taking you down with him. I would tell him that seeing a doctor or at least talking to someone he trusts, could be the only way to save himself AND your relationship. The 1st best step, in my opinion (I'm no Dr. though), is that he needs to openly admit that his problem is one that needs professional/medical attention. Time itself has the ability to heal in some situations, but in this case I think he also needs some kind of real therapy...even if it's keeping a journal, or going for walks (exercise is an excellent type of therapy...well in my own experience anyway...)...maybe suggest one of these things to him.

 

By all means I"m not saying to present this as being all your problem, or he'll think you don't care....but I wonder if he'd be motivated if he thought this was putting your relationship on the line. More importantly though, he should do something because it would be helping himself, not just your relationship. During a difficult time it's a good idea to remind him that your there for him no matter what, and ask him what he thinks about working together, as a team, to figure out how to get him better....also stress that if he doesn't do something, the only way to go is down, not up...it is also not healthy for a parent to be in his state when children are involved. So it sounds like he has a lot to live for, he just needs to find out what's going with him, so that he can treat it appropriately and get living....he might be a person who doesn't like the idea of taking anti-depressants (even I am one of those people)....if that's the case anyone could tell him it's like a common cold of a practice, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. Also if you do some of your own research on depression/anxiety, etc., it might help you, at least, to understand his problem better and perhaps educate him. Good luck to you!