birdie Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 serendip/curious, I'm with you on this one. I keep in touch with my exes, one of them is a very good friend (we were together for almost 9 years) the others I just chat to on email or text time to time. occasionally have a beer with them. not sure if it's about being romantic but it's very much about the notion that life is too short and feel that strongly especially since my father died. I don't keep grudges, usually don't have a reason to, and to be honest that's worth the occasional times when I have to take it on the chin from them.
oppath Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 serendip/curious, I'm with you on this one. I keep in touch with my exes, one of them is a very good friend (we were together for almost 9 years) the others I just chat to on email or text time to time. occasionally have a beer with them. not sure if it's about being romantic but it's very much about the notion that life is too short and feel that strongly especially since my father died. I don't keep grudges, usually don't have a reason to, and to be honest that's worth the occasional times when I have to take it on the chin from them. But Birdie, don't you keep in touch with them AFTER you've healed. And would you call them FRIENDS-FRIENDS, or are they more friendly acquaintances you catch up with every now and then? Most of the people who are against it are actually for it...EVENTUALLY...but not until there are no painful feelings.
birdie Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 But Birdie, don't you keep in touch with them AFTER you've healed. And would you call them FRIENDS-FRIENDS, or are they more friendly acquaintances you catch up with every now and then? Most of the people who are against it are actually for it...EVENTUALLY...but not until there are no painful feelings. some are just friendly acquaintances, others are very close friends that know my family well for example so I can talk to them about very personal things I wouldn't even discuss with other friends. (relationship with parents, stuff like that). there is one I discuss relationships/dating with but that's not typical at all, usually we don't talk about SOs I suppose I never had really nasty break-ups. of course have been hurt in the past but never got cheated on (or at least never found out ) or anything like that so no reason to feel that much pain. maybe it's easier for them and me to stay in touch through-out because it tends to be about sorrow, that's not too awful.
oppath Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 me are just friendly acquaintances, others are very close friends that know my family well for example so I can talk to them about very personal things I wouldn't even discuss with other friends. (relationship with parents, stuff like that). there is one I discuss relationships/dating with but that's not typical at all, usually we don't talk about SOs I suppose I never had really nasty break-ups. of course have been hurt in the past but never got cheated on (or at least never found out ) or anything like that so no reason to feel that much pain. maybe it's easier for them and me to stay in touch through-out because it tends to be about sorrow, that's not too awful. Cool, and how do you handle new boyfriends? Do they get to meet these ex's so they can see you are JUST friends?
marty Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I feel you. Everything you just wrote. Honestly, time does heal. But....for me, I know it would be sooooooooooooooooooooo much easier to get over chasing the ghost of my ex if I COULD MEET SOMEONE ELSE I FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT. I have never felt anywhere near the connection my ex and I first had. I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel that strongly about a girl again. I revert to the past because I know what it was. It happened, it was real, I have pictures, I touched her, we connected. All that. Not knowing the future and not being assured we will ever meet that special someone is a scary notion. So, we play it safe and revert to what we know, what we already experienced. It's kind of cowardly actually. It just would be really, really nice to fall in love with someone else. I know I would have a much easier time getting my ex out of my head and heart. So, I think we have to be brave people. We have to tell ourselves that although nothing is EVER guaranteed -not even our next breath- we have to carry that faith that we will live for many many years, and we will love much much more in our lives and THIS TOO SHALL PASS. We just have to have faith, basically, that this world provides us with whatever we seek. So, patience,+ faith= love again. Right? I reeeeeally want to believe that another great woman will rock my world someday. im totally with you there !!!!!! all of what you said is what i'm thinkin.
Donza Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Cool, and how do you handle new boyfriends? Do they get to meet these ex's so they can see you are JUST friends? My ex took me out parting with her ex-boyfriend. He turned up unannounced. And i was VERY uncomfortable. He was teasing/flirting with her etc. And then onto anything with a skirt... A real slimeball... Yet this guy cheated on her for seven months! Yes seven months. And she still saw him as a friend. Is it any wonder she is now an ex-gf... Too much baggage... Leave ex as ex's. THEY WILL HARM FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS!!!!
oppath Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 But not meeting the ex's is worse!!! It is all situational. I believe ex's need to be on the outside of your life looking in, on the periphery. You aren't insecure or jealous if your new SO is hanging out with an ex, unless you can witness how they truly are just friends. Ultimately, that is why I think they belong at a distance, to give you the best chance of finding someone new and creating a space for that relationship to flourish.
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