MikeC Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I fear that I am becoming addicted to my GF. We met via MySpace about 5 months ago. Everything is going great, nothing bad to speak of. Only thing is, I seem to be totally like fixated on contacting her. If I don't hear from her when she says she will call, I get all like anxious or something. I mean, there hasn't a day gone by in the last several months that I have not spoken to her in some way. We both call each other. It is just that all I can think about is talking to her or seeing her. The appearance is that the honeymoon stage is still occuring in our relationship. I find myself at times just looking at her feeling great and happy. Now, I'm not crazy or anything of that nature. I won't call her too much or anything like that. It is just that I wonder when she doesn't call me. Or for example, I thought I was going to spend the day with her after she got off work @ 2. Found out she is working her 2nd job @ 5. Didn't realize this and it made me feel down and sad. I have a job of my own and I spend time with friends. I just care about her so much. Imagining going a couple of days with no contact seems crazy. I love her ALOT, but I don't want to feel this way or continue obsessing, which is really what it is. I guess my soul has so much love for her that I don't know how to show it other than wanting to be with her and telling her how beautiful she is all the time. Hope this isn't sounding too weird. Advice welcome, thanks.
JamesM Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 It is called infatuation and it is common in the first few months of dating. Hopefully, it develops into true love. This takes time and getting to know one another. Addiction...yes and no. Bad? Not necessarily. I hope for your sake she reciprocates.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 do you see her physically, or is this a strictly online/phone "relationship"?
Author MikeC Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Yes, she does reciprocate. It is NOT infatuation. I know what that is. She goes crazy over me too. Alot of the time telling me how happy she is, that she loves me and that she hates being away from me. I guess knowing how she feels this way, it makes me crazier for her! Yes, the relationship is physical. We live 15 minutes away from each other and didn't even know it until 5 months ago! I'm just alittle concerned about myself. I have a suspicion that I am somehow insecure. I am afraid that if I go too long without talking to or seeing her, that I will lose her. I believe this stems from my last relationship which lasted about 5 months. I got dumped twice and my heart was crushed. I've gotten over the past. I just love her so damn much, I don't know how to express myself sometimes. Usually I am OK, but sometimes I'm just so all over her. It isn't just me though. She does this as well. It only makes me want to see her more!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 one sure way to end a good/new/possible relationship is by bringing to it all your old baggage from your last bad one.
JamesM Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Infatuation may be not be the word I was thinking of. I meant it as mutual and not some puppy love. When two people first "fall in love" with each other, they feel so much love for each other that they cannot imagine life without one another. As they date, this tones down and reality sets in. Where as in the bginning, they love because they other is perfect (in their eyes), later they love the other in spite of the person not being perfect. I believe this is a natural growth of a relationship. However, if you are secure, this is an additional emotion. I think it is also natural to wonder if the other will always feel this way. And the feelings of of security come with time. If you have been hurt in the past, then it may take longer but it is not impossible.
Author MikeC Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 She told me that she knew from our first date that she would be with me for the long-term. We have settled into one another already. I guess I just find it hard to believe that I have such a wonderful woman in my life. It scares me to think about not being with her. Getting her from my mind is hard. I try to fill time, but it eats away at me. We have a great relationship. I think that adds alot to how much I enjoy talking to and seeing her. This addiction is worse than smoking! In the beginning, I did allow the past to affect the relationship. But that ended after about a month. I let it all go, and am now so much better off it isn't even funny. I love this girl with every fiber of my being and she feels the same way about me, which is a damn good thing. Makes me feel less crazy haha
JamesM Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 She told me that she knew from our first date that she would be with me for the long-term. This can be very true. When I met my wife the third time, things clicked for us. After the weekend when we met...no dates yet...just talking and with others, I told my friend that I met my wife over the weekend. I had never felt that way before about anyone, and it became true. It has been over 19 years since that weekend, and I am glad that we are married still.
Author MikeC Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I have a glimpse of what you speak of James. The relationship itself is awesome. We never really fight. It just gets down to 1 of us being annoyed for alittle while. No yelling whatsoever, which is what I prefer. She loves me alot, as I do for her. She is trying to focus on working right now, which sucks for me, but I support her in everything she does. I just miss her all the time. When I do see her, I'm usually really interactive with her. I need to find a way to keep her off my mind. To be able to go several days without talking to or seeing her. I mean, it isn't what I want, but I don't want to become dependent emotionally on her. Thanks for the input so far.
JackOfClubs Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Wow, feel the same way about my GF. I have to admit part of it is insecurity and part of it is that past relationships have burned me to the point where trust is more difficult. I also have to deal with a 1 hour distance (15 minutes would be great). I have to discipline myself to realize that we can't be with each other 24/7 and that would probably be a bad thing anyway. Also have to trust her (as she must be able to trust me) that she wouldn't let any other person come in between us whether they're an ex, some guy hitting on her, or even a random attractive stranger. Although absence makes the heart grow fonder, there's also that dark side of love: fear of losing the one you care about. This is where trust needs to be accompanied with some faith as well. That is, if you two really feel that you're meant to be together, that whatever brought you two together isn't going to cause a problem or danger in life that would tear you two apart. All that can be done is stay calm, don't panic, and believe that love can work its magic on its own. Love isn't easy. But the alternative is worse.
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I have a suspicion that I am somehow insecure. I am afraid that if I go too long without talking to or seeing her, that I will lose her. I believe this stems from my last relationship which lasted about 5 months. I got dumped twice and my heart was crushed. Try your best not to bring past memories and baggage into this new relationship. You have to trust her and trust what you two have together IS good and will last a while. She told me that she knew from our first date that she would be with me for the long-term. Okay, so when you start to have those anxious feelings, and your mind starts to go negative, remember the above. She feels the same way about you, is crazy for you, she loves you and she even told you she's around for the long term.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Things sound so great for you and her. Just stay positive and know that this high will disipate over time. You will probably lover her more over time but once you're off your high, the daily grind of life will kick in again and you will feel more normal. I got the same way with my ex.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 I'm not sure if it's so much addiction as it is infatuation and still being in the honeymoon phase or your relationship. As a counselor I know a little about all kinds of addictions, and I really think its the feeling you have for your gf while your relationship is still in an early stage. You thinking about her constantly might not go away, especially if you are really in love with her. I think about my boyfriend constantly and he thinks about me, and we have been together for over a year. The anxiety over her not calling is insecurity, that will lessen (hopefully) as your relationship progresses and you form a deeper committment. I wouldn't worry about this too much, I think your feelings of extreme infatuation will decrease and a deeper bond with replace that. You do have to be a little careful and try to seperate yourself a little bit from your relationship. You said you have other people in your life and do other things. This helps, and also takes your mind of your relationship a little bit. You seem to have a good thing, be happy you found such a wonderful gf.
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