DVNPRT6 Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Me and my ex girlfriend had been together for 3 years. We had a child 2 years ago..We have had a pretty great relationship until about this year when we would fight and argue all the time..She is very insecure because of her family not accepting of her and she doesnt have alot of friends to begin with. So when she broke it off in August, i tried really hard to get things back..Im the only one that has ever really cared about her and did ALOT for her cuz i did care. I was wondering why she wouldnt talk to me so much after she did break it off, she is the type of person that needs to be loved and accepted because she doesnt have alot of that. I found out that she had started dating another guy in August just recently but i had to figure out the puzzle by myself because she lied about it saying she wasnt interested in anyone or wasnt talking to anyone..but she does tell me I miss being your girl, i miss you etc etc. and she has a really big problem with me hooking up with other girls saying shes very uncomfortable with it, But in August when i didnt know she had 'another boyfriend' already we would have oral sex but then we had sex this past weekend and she said she missed it with me. But i dont know...I mean is she just using me to get what she wants because she knows i will do anything for her and my daughter?..She cant be in love with a guy for a month esp if we had sex and stuff?? Can she really 'miss' me and be going with another guy and me as a safety net if it falls thru?? Please tell me ur thoughts. Thanks!
Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 You say she has a problem with you hooking up with other girls, yet you say you love her and miss her. Then she gets another bf, at least she's not sleeping around with multiple men. You both end up having sex together again, so why is it you can still love her while 'hooking up' with other girls, but you question if it's possible for her to still love you if she is with one other person aside from you? Needless to say that's a total hypocritical double standard. I think she still has feelings for you but is teaching you a lesson that you can lose her if you don't treat her the right way and now is your opportunity to treat her the right way. My question is do YOU still love her if after a month you are able to 'hook up' with all these girls?! I'd be so turned off if I was that girl.
Author DVNPRT6 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 She said she has a problem 'seeing me do stuff with other girls'...i havent hooked up with anyone since the breakup...Im just saying she still asks about me hooking up and stuff cuz she doesnt wanna see me do it although she has a new BF.
Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Oh sorry for misunderstanding that. Then you have to set boundaries. That's not right for her to test the waters, have another bf yet try to keep you on the side to fall back on. Have you ever had discussions about marriage, considering you have a child together? Maybe she wanted to take it to the next level and was tired of waiting around? What were all the recent fights about that lead to her break up?
Trimmer Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 But i dont know...I mean is she just using me to get what she wants because she knows i will do anything for her and my daughter?... I think you need to separate your roles as father vs. boyfriend, and also separate your relationship from her along the lines of mother-of-your-child vs. girlfriend. There's honor in doing what's right for your child, and in maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship as parents, but that doesn't mean you have to (or even should) "do anything" for her from the perspective of her being your ex-girlfriend - like sex, like not moving on with your own social life, etc. You need to draw some boundaries around your role as father and parent, and begin to detach from your role as boyfriend, if you are going to be broken up and move on with your life (as it appears she is doing for herself.)
Author DVNPRT6 Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 Hi All...so, she calls me up yesterday saying she saw 3-4 new ppl on my myspace which were all girls and started crying on the phone saying she doesnt want me hooking up with other girls etc etc (which Im not!) but she has a NEW BOYFRIEND, i dont get it, why does she care so much f i hook u with anyone due to the faCT she is with someone else...then she says 'the other day u said u loved me and cared about me' (which i did), but the fact of the matter is SHE HAS A NEW BF!! is this normal...she tells me she misses me being her girl, misses me in general, 'i cant get past everything we had', we had sex 6 days ago (Friday).....im so confused!! Any help? Thanks
Author DVNPRT6 Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 today..she texts me i miss us, and u and the memories i cant stop thinking about and its hard 2 c u with someone else cuz it was always me...u and me...(although she has this other BF already)..I ask if shes truly happy with him, she replies 'mixed feelings'. She says i miss so much but we werent getting along, i say i dont wanna fight anymore and she replies 'i feel its 4 the better this way'....Should I give up?
Cobra_X30 Posted September 28, 2007 Posted September 28, 2007 How do you want to be? Vindictive? Loving? Friendly? What do you want from her?
Author DVNPRT6 Posted September 28, 2007 Author Posted September 28, 2007 I want to be her everything again...but shes saying 'i think its better off this way' after saying all that stuff (the i miss u, etc)and being with me romantically last Friday.
Pentula77 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Ur out with this girl...some girls use texts (bait) to see if you still want them (after they've broken up with you) others use oral sex ! Some say "we should catch up for a coffee" then cancel and the guy will rationlise their behaviour. Move on, don't spend 2 years of your life chasing after this girl. Always look at the actions (she has another boyfriend, inconsistent intimacy) never the words. The sad part is the kids always get caught up in the wash. Do all you can to be a good father to your child and always show repect to your ex when you're around the child.
Author DVNPRT6 Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 So its been a few more weeks...Ive seen her we have had sex 5 times in 8 days (even anal sex which she brought up that we have never done before, even made a 15 minute video on the camcorder). She says she is 'fake' happy with the new bf that lives 90 miles away and doesnt come to see her ill never have with anyone else what we had, says she talks to me more than him, misses me etc etc. I have tried to give her my absolute 100% best and it just doesnt seem to be budging her to get back with me. She says a part of me does wanna be with you and the other part is unsure. Im almost about to give up on her, but its hard cuz i feel like im so close and so far away at the same time...
Krying Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 So its been a few more weeks...Ive seen her we have had sex 5 times in 8 days (even anal sex which she brought up that we have never done before, even made a 15 minute video on the camcorder). She says she is 'fake' happy with the new bf that lives 90 miles away and doesnt come to see her ill never have with anyone else what we had, says she talks to me more than him, misses me etc etc. I have tried to give her my absolute 100% best and it just doesnt seem to be budging her to get back with me. She says a part of me does wanna be with you and the other part is unsure. Im almost about to give up on her, but its hard cuz i feel like im so close and so far away at the same time... Read the bold in no particular order. Clearly you're doing all you can Since you've had sex pretty much every day of the week, is it possible the other guy is simply out of town? She might have been getting it on with her new BF with that intensity and since he's not around, you are there to fill in the void. All joking aside, I have no idea what to recommend. NC maybe, or not.
ledatuan Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 honestly this is from my experience. You shouldn't be too available to her anytime when she needs you. "Human want what they can't have." And she is in the process of healing the wound from breaking up with you. She is just using you in the healing process. If you keep sticking with her like this, there is no good for you. She is healing but not you. And there is her new bf aside. But what kinda BS is that she could move on but you can't. Honestly! It happened to me and my ex. I broke up with her for some reasons. She kept begging and checking me if I was dating. But I never dated because I still loved her. As long as she heal, she started dating another man and my turn to get hurt. She didn't give a sh*t about. Kicked me out and never wanna see me again even I tried to work things out. Jealousy is really powerful. As long as you go to date some girl, I think she would crawl back to you because she would be scared of losing you. Don't make yourself too available. So she think she could come back anytime and use you as a back-up. Good luck man!
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