Msblueyes Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend over seven years. He has come out of a three month rebhab for his substance abuse issues. He has gotten in touch with god. We've been going to church on Sundays, going out & doing things on the weekend with my girlfriends and having for the past two months, a better relationship. However, in the past two weeks he's made direct passes at two of my girlfriends. One lives in my house, which is converted into four apartments. The other woman used to live above me but moved out with her boyfriend at the time mine came back from rehab. I was crushed. We have only had sex once since he came home in July and if he's making advances to other women & we're not having sex, this is obviously not healthy. I feel he is not sexually attracted to me & he's basically come out & said it. He blames it on going out & drinking but when he was home and made the pass at my friend upstairs, he was drunk. The other pass, he was not. I have had a good share of one two many drinks, but never had the same issue with other men, as I love my boyfriend. I am getting the feeling that he considers me his best friend, but not his lover. He came home to me, but has been talking with my friends that he wants to find his own place. He had not discussed that with me, till we had the big blow up this weekend. I had both women there to face him, I was a bit drunk (courage factor) and I told him he need to leave. He's been in a hotel the past two nights & is coming home today. Maybe we will talk, I don't know. I don't think I handled the situation correctly on Saturday & he told me I'd regrett it. If he's so not into me sexually, however, I don't know how much I have to regret except the feelings that I have for him which are not being reciprocated. Help!
Spinderella Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I dont see what you have to regret either. What does he mean you'll regret it? Was that a threat or just that you would regret not being with him? You did the right thing, dont take him back, you can do better. Whats he coming back for? Dont let him back.
Author Msblueyes Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I dont see what you have to regret either. What does he mean you'll regret it? Was that a threat or just that you would regret not being with him? You did the right thing, dont take him back, you can do better. Whats he coming back for? Dont let him back. In the past, when I got mad at him, I used to tell him to leave. That's why he said I'd regret it. I don't think it's about being with him. If he's putting himself out to other women, I don't think I have much to regret except if I don't live with him, he can see for himself whether I was what he wants. I think it's about dating. I don't think he was ever ready to be tied down, but that I have been convenient, therefore, he doesn't have a lot of respect. He's coming back because he has no where to go, just started a job & probably is waiting for his next paycheck. There's a possibility that him not living with me would be better. I am just crying my eyes out because my ego is so bruised.
Spinderella Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Not living with him would definetly be better. I dont think you should let him come back at all. Is it your place or his, or shared? I'm sorry you are feeling bad, but you really do deserve better.
Author Msblueyes Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Not living with him would definetly be better. I dont think you should let him come back at all. Is it your place or his, or shared? I'm sorry you are feeling bad, but you really do deserve better. thank you. He has no where else at the moment, but can go live with a friend in two weeks. I know I deserve better. It's my place. I think standing on his own two feet might just well show him what the world's about. When he can't pay his rent or runs out of cash (which I am guilty in the past of allowing), his room mate won't put up with it. If he needs to sow his wild oats, he will see how he has not appreciated me.
Spinderella Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I really think that whether he has anywhere to go or not, you should NOT allow him to come back. Why doesnt he stay at the hostel a few more nights or stay with a friend or anything else. Sounds like youre still looking after him. Its really not your job.
Author Msblueyes Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I really think that whether he has anywhere to go or not, you should NOT allow him to come back. Why doesnt he stay at the hostel a few more nights or stay with a friend or anything else. Sounds like youre still looking after him. Its really not your job. He doesn't have any money. I gave him back some of his rent money to stay at the hotel. His next paycheck is a week from Friday. I know it's not my job. If anything he said he'll stay a few days. We'll talk, I know he wants to get his own place as he told me that last night. He said he'd be back tonight & we would talk. Hopefully, he will be able to be honest about about what's occured. Seven years is a long time, and it just sucks to know you've given your heart, home, the whole ballgame and someone may, (my mother thinks "was") have just stayed for convenience, that's really irratating me. He needs to figure out love.
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