buttersrugby Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Heres the nitty gritty, Dated for 3.5 years. Love the girl to death. Around February, she started to become distant (no cheating) and began to fade away. I noticed, and tried to figure it all out. She did the whole "i dont know" bit...and the fading continued. We lived together, so it made things hard and as our lease ended we moved out to diff places and the split came soon after. She wanted space and time to think about things and get her life straight..... I knew what that meant...and so i gave her space. However she calls occasionally...but doesnt generate any convo... She txts me with vague open ended stuf like, "how ya doing..what u up to"... Then i decided, NC, and cut off all routes. Well then she msgs me on aim and is like... [12:10] Danah Rae: i'm trying to be strong.. but its really hard... i feel so lost ................ [22:47] Danah Rae: i can't sleep ... i just keep thinking.. you've made it clear you don't want to talk to me.. because you haven't responded to any of my messages.. i can't call you your phone is off... its tough, no matter what we're going through you can't expect it to be easy to just not talk to someone who you've talked to every day for the past 3 1/2 years... i don't know ...... just talk to me please [22:48] Danah : i'm so sorry ... for everything . i really am ...... [22:49] Danah please talk to me..... despite all of this i still love you ... i really do ... i hate not talking .. its killing me [22:51] Danah : please [22:51] Danah : please [22:52] Danah : talk to me [22:52] Danah : i need you to talk to me.... [22:52] Danah : please brian followed shortly later by.. [22:54] Danah: brian ........ please .... it hurts so much .. please talk to me [22:56] Danah : please .. i need you ......... i need you so much [22:59] Danah : i'll be here .. waiting for when you'll talk to me.... i'll wait ..... i'll have to .... i need you so ill wait Well...She follows that up with me finally responding bout a half week later.. She goes from...open and talkative ..and seemingly open to getting back together.... to closed and distant sounding..... The resulting reason for breaking up was as she puts it, "she closed off" or...didnt want a relationship with me i guess. Ive sustained a week or two of NC at a time......then i listen to her....and same routine.....open ....day or two later..shifts back... Anyway... Help me out guys. In my mind, heart, body etc w/e i feel like she is the one. She's amazing, she really is and despite her shortcomings and all....and her breaking up with me..im still in early stages of holding on...I truely want her.
Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I think she wants to be pursued and feels like you were taking her for granted. It seems like you just want her to miraculously walk right back into your life. Have you sent her flowers, done something special and made her feel appreciated? Have you done everything you can and now the ball is in her court? Or do you just sit back and every now and then when she contacts you a lot, casually respond only to be baffled why she pulled back again:sick: When the lease was almost up and afterwwards you moved out, it sounds like you never had a discussion but went with the flow until things came to an end and now just like you passively let things fall apart, you want them to passively get back together. Why don't you DO or SAY something?? How frustrating for her!!
Author buttersrugby Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I think she wants to be pursued and feels like you were taking her for granted. It seems like you just want her to miraculously walk right back into your life. Have you sent her flowers, done something special and made her feel appreciated? Have you done everything you can and now the ball is in her court? Or do you just sit back and every now and then when she contacts you a lot, casually respond only to be baffled why she pulled back again:sick: When the lease was almost up and afterwwards you moved out, it sounds like you never had a discussion but went with the flow until things came to an end and now just like you passively let things fall apart, you want them to passively get back together. Why don't you DO or SAY something?? How frustrating for her!! She would never talk to me about it....talking about the situatino in general frustrated her.....she would txt msg me, write letters , email..etc...so it had more to do with her not wanting to really approach the situation: everything she did that involved talking about it/broaching the topic was passive and indirect. I think she was scared to say something, i think when we moved out, the space, and the new situation where we werent linked by a lease gave her the ability to finally step up and talk it out. Ive talked to her about it. Ive told her all about how i miss her, and that i want to make things right...she knows where i stand. Ive sent flowers, and ive suprised her with a few things. As for her contact. I pulled back, i told her everything about how i feel and put my heart out there. She gives me the whole, " iwant you to fix it." deal and told me reasons why she is hung up on US and what has caused her to fade.... But when i told her i want to step up, start fresh, take it slow, and make things right and really fix things and all that...she stays distant with it. She says she doesnt think she could jump into a relationship again. She doesnt think she could do that and thinks that if someone asked her out that her head tells her she should atleast humor those outlets and not be in an exsclusive relationship. Do i go for that, be the best bf possible and just wait for her to come around and want to re-try things, or do i do no contact for the best, let her do her thing..and if it comes back around..maybe...try it then? Im at a loss. Ask away, hopefully i covered some of ur questions...
Fun2BMe Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 As for her contact. I pulled back, i told her everything about how i feel and put my heart out there. She gives me the whole, " iwant you to fix it." deal and told me reasons why she is hung up on US and what has caused her to fade.... So what were the reasons she gave you?
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 It sounds like she doesn't trust that you will change or trust your motivations. Depending on why she withdrew in the first place, perhaps she's gauged that these changes would require core adjustments to your personality.
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