sweetbutcheeky Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Without saying what my "type" is LOL. I have been thinking about is being attracted to a certain type is a good or bad thing. I am dating a guy that isn't the type that I'm usually attracted to, so is taking some getting using too, but he is attractive and a good guy. When out and about we all have a type that we see and think, damn I would love to get with him or her. In the past those guys have always let me down so I wonder if it's a bad thing. Though it's not something on purpose I don't think that it's something you can control, it programmed inside us. So I can't help wondering if the "my type - guys I am attracted to physically / first impression" have always let me down, then maybe going for the not the usual type may be worth a shot?
mental_traveller Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I don't see anything wrong with it. I have a "type", but I've been with women who are different to that, and some of them I have found pretty darn sexy. But ideally I'd still go for the ones I prefer.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I don't see anything wrong with it. I have a "type", but I've been with women who are different to that, and some of them I have found pretty darn sexy. But ideally I'd still go for the ones I prefer. Do you picture the woman that you end up with, getting married to being your "type"?
Cobra_X30 Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 It's bad.... and it is controllable. It has to do with associative learning. Think of it in tearms of stereotyping. Much of what we consider our "type" is dictated by our views and relationship to our culture and society. Example: Ever wonder why all of the statues and art of the ancient world depict a value of beauty in women that today we would consider fat? It's because back then those were traits we valued by society... it showed wealth and health.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 It's bad.... and it is controllable. It has to do with associative learning. Think of it in terms of stereotyping. Much of what we consider our "type" is dictated by our views and relationship to our culture and society. Example: Ever wonder why all of the statues and art of the ancient world depict a value of beauty in women that today we would consider fat? It's because back then those were traits we valued by society... it showed wealth and health. Stereotyping maybe if you only like thin, fat, asian, white or whatever. But there are some things that you are just attracted to, you don't really know why it's just part of you. Makes us who we are. Like some people are morning people and some are night, just the way we are wired.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Thats not entirely true... we may have natural inclinations toward one trait or another, however its something that we ultimately have control over. Otherwise our tastes would never change, as they would be hardwired into us. So the real question you need to ask yourself is why you are attracted to a certain personality type. And yes bad boy, nice guy... ect... are just as much stereotypes as physical traits can be. So what type of man are you typically attracted to and why?
melodymatters Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I have always had a type and it has f*cked me up !!! I pray for the day when I can get past it, because obviously IT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME !!! Good for you SBC !!! Go for it !!!
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 We're all geared towards type and for some of us, not solely based on the superficial. I've come to the conclusion that I'm attracted to drama boys.
Replicant Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 So I can't help wondering if the "my type - guys I am attracted to physically / first impression" have always let me down, then maybe going for the not the usual type may be worth a shot? Actually you answer your own question here, you pigeonhole yourself into thinking this is your type yet repeatedly get let down. Now this new guy impresses you more than the rest but is not your type as you would put it. You just end up in conflict with yourself, but for such a silly reason IMO. Which sort of ends up in a why question? Like why would you think this guy is below your 'type' standards because he does not fit the typical profile? If anything from what you've written it sounds more like he's 'above' such. I think you need to fix your thinking, there should not be such asking ones self the question of giving him a shot like is he worthy or not. I got the impression he treated you great beyond that of anyone else right? So what's wrong!? Where as kissing (Your other thread question) is something that can be learned or improved if he is not so good at it at first, it's quite possible he's taking a passive approach out of respect of sorts letting it go as it goes..who knows. Traits cannot be so easily changed in people. I guess it's a matter of what you want more for yourself really.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 And yes bad boy, nice guy... ect... are just as much stereotypes as physical traits can be. So what type of man are you typically attracted to and why? I will just say it's nothing like the good or bad boy kinda thing. I have always had a type and it has f*cked me up !!! I pray for the day when I can get past it, because obviously IT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME !!! Good for you SBC !!! Go for it !!! Thanks girl! I can so relate, all of those guys that I fell for that were my so called type f*cked me up too! So I am letting go of the type thing and letting this guy in because I can tell he is good for me. We're all geared towards type and for some of us, not solely based on the superficial. I've come to the conclusion that I'm attracted to drama boys. I agree. Sometimes it's not even something you can say what it is, just know them when you see it or him! LOL
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Actually you answer your own question here, you pigeonhole yourself into thinking this is your type yet repeatedly get let down. Now this new guy impresses you more than the rest but is not your type as you would put it. You just end up in conflict with yourself, but for such a silly reason IMO. Which sort of ends up in a why question? Like why would you think this guy is below your 'type' standards because he does not fit the typical profile? If anything from what you've written it sounds more like he's 'above' such. I think you need to fix your thinking, there should not be such asking ones self the question of giving him a shot like is he worthy or not. I got the impression he treated you great beyond that of anyone else right? So what's wrong!? Where as kissing (Your other thread question) is something that can be learned or improved if he is not so good at it at first, it's quite possible he's taking a passive approach out of respect of sorts letting it go as it goes..who knows. Traits cannot be so easily changed in people. I guess it's a matter of what you want more for yourself really. I appreciate the response but actually I hadn't put as much thought into it as your post. When I go out with someone I don't decide to date them depending if they fit into the type or not, it's just something I like when I see some guys (some are my type and so aren't). I haven't put myself in conflict, just more of an observation and something that crossed my mind that I thought I would throw out there. And regarding the guy I am seeing now. By him not being my usual type it had nothing to do with him being below my standards, couldn't be more wrong. Just different, than my type but I do think that he is different for a reason.
roxy_1980 Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I'd say there are two reasons why having a certain type is bad. First, you will only date a certain type of person. That's bad because you've already eliminated that type of person before. It amounts to not learning from your mistakes. This is actually why alot of people see the same problems creeping up in their relationships over and over again. (This particular reason only applies when typing on personality not looks). Second, you are eliminating a large piece of the population before even meeting or interacting with them in any way. Your perfect partner may be nothing like you expect, but you'lll never find them if they are screen out before you even have a chance to find that out.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 It actually annoys me when people will only date within their race or only one certain race. Or any one type of people really. Your just limiting yourself from finding love. I do admit I like a guy who is taller than me (being 5'4), I think that one comes down to a protection thing, if is is taller he can come to my rescue! LOL Or that's what I have read it means when you like taller guys. (my new guys is tall too, but just a nice perk lol)
Yellowboy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I'd say there are two reasons why having a certain type is bad. First, you will only date a certain type of person. Second, you are eliminating a large piece of the population before even meeting or interacting with them in any way. Exactly, same line of thought for me. In my case though, it turned out that I was dating the same type of girls after I got to know them better. They had different looks and had different hobbies, but personality-wise they were pretty much the same type. I always hit myself when I discover it's that same type of girl again... :-/ It actually annoys me when people will only date within their race or only one certain race. Or any one type of people really. Your just limiting yourself from finding love. Yeah I agree here too. I mean, everyone has some sort of physical/aesthetic preferences, but to what extent? I think some people narrow it down too much...and I am not just accusing the women here, but even my friends look for something too picky as well. I shake my head thinking, man they're missing out so much for being soooo picky....
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I don't think you can control your attraction but you can control if you act on it. You also can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you're not.
monkey00 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I think there are 2 versions of having a type. The first version is the collective type, the type you think you're into because you're told you should be. I think both sexes are susceptible to this, but this is more common among women. E.G.: The media, a swarm of girls surrounding a guy at a bar/club (competition = value), your parent's like/dislike of him, your female friend friend being interested in a guy and you find yourself in the same shoes for no apparent reason. The second version is knowing who you truly are and having dated enough bad apples to know what 'type' you really want. And disregarding other's opinion of your decision/choice, when yours is the one that matters most.
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