Ocean-Blue Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Never, I repeat, never look at other women when she's around. TOTALLY disagree with this... If you're confident and he's a straight shooter...what's the problem? I like it when a guy points out an attractive woman - I do the same when I see an attractive man or woman. I'm kind of surprised. You really like a guy who checks out other women when he's out with you? Nothing could be a bigger turn off to me. It's different if you're watching a movie together and he points out an attractive actress, but to be visibly checking out other women walking down the street. Him checking out another woman has nothing to do with how feels about me (or whether he finds me beautiful). When I walk down the street and notice someone attractive I acknowledge in my head. So why should it be any different when I'm with my SO (or when he's with me)? If anything, I like to know when my bf finds someone attractive (I'm the curious kind I guess). I think you should be able to appreciate another person's beauty AND be able to share that with your SO w/out fearing that they'll tear your eyes out for looking that way.
Author shadowplay Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 It's about the person inside. What type of women have always attracted you? In the past, were you always the person giving? I've been in the same situation as Krytie. I'd love to believe that real love/affection will always be reciprocated but that's often not the case. It's not like I actively seek out uncaring men. That's just been my luck. Or perhaps I do seek out men like that on a subconscious level, who knows. The guys who have fallen hopelessly in love with me were the ones I didn't care about or took for granted. My ex is still in love with me even though I never treated him that well when we were together because I just didn't feel the same way. TBF, if you have been able to find a guy who returns your affections in full, you are one very lucky woman. Carson McCullers, one of my favorite writers, described the nature of love best. I've quoted this excerpt many times because it rings so true. First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons—but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved. There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world—a world intense and strange, complete in himself. Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring—this lover can be man, woman, child, or indeed any human creature on this earth. Now, the beloved can also be of any description. The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. A man may be a doddering great-grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets of Cheehaw one afternoon two decades past. The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else—but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Interesting excerpt but one I disagree with. I can't say that all my choices of partners have been great ones. Perhaps I seek the dysfunctional, something I need to fix inside of me. I can say that this has been my experience with the healthy relationships.
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