Illicit Angel Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Im really mad at my kids dad ...... he always lets them down. This weekend he didn't bother showing up at all, not even a phone call to them to explain! He is to hung-over from his friends stag do last night (i found out from his sister) Worst thing that he is doing is - he started dating our 6 yr olds best friends mom. The children have been friends for the past 3 years, since starting school together. He met his new girl through the children. Been together for the last 3 mths. Thing is it's starting to upset my kid! He is trying to bring the 2 family's together and make 1 whole happy family, which in a perfect world would be great but in reality it's not like that. My kids sees him taking the best friend home with him! She only spends saturday afternoons, and sunday lunch with him. But he stays over at her bestfriends house and she knows about it. I have got her a counsellor and im considering moving as they live 3 mins away, go to the same school, and in the same class. So it's constanly in her face ...... how can i help her with coping as she is only 6 and it will only get worse as grows up and sees more and understand more? Please let me know your opinion?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Oh wow. I feel for your kid! I remember the things that used to go through my head as child...the insecurities I had. It's bad enough that her parents are not together...and now to have to deal with her father dating her friend's mom? Depending on your child's maturity level at this point, I'd sit down with her to ask her if there's anything on her mind. It might very well be that it doesn't bother her (sometimes kids are much better at handling awkward adult situations than adults are). Also, she can probably sense your discomfort with this (the more you show her that you are OK with it, the less likely she is to be all freaked out over it). Good luck to you!
Author Illicit Angel Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I have tried to talk to her but she dosen't know why she feels upset. Thats what i got a counsellor for....to develop her emotionally skills, and learn to express herself. I am a counsellor but i can't help with this 1, too close if you know what i mean. I know she was upset because she sat on the stairs crying as he took her friend home with him ... she was asking if she could go to. Normally her reaction is more trantrum like when she can't have her own way, this was different because she just sat on the stairs with her heart breaking! Yes it broke mine too!
Ocean-Blue Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I have tried to talk to her but she dosen't know why she feels upset. Thats what i got a counsellor for....to develop her emotionally skills, and learn to express herself. I am a counsellor but i can't help with this 1, too close if you know what i mean. I know she was upset because she sat on the stairs crying as he took her friend home with him ... she was asking if she could go to. Normally her reaction is more trantrum like when she can't have her own way, this was different because she just sat on the stairs with her heart breaking! Yes it broke mine too! I don't know her father...but you know, this really enrages me. Who the hell does this to a child? Her entire sense of family and belonging is likely being challenged right now. The poor baby. It's good that you're getting her to a counselor. Perhaps you might want to do things to help her relieve her stress. If she's an active kid, why not get her playing a sport. Or maybe a new hobby? I know I used to go wild for paint and paper as a kid. Sometimes it's a matter of getting their mind off of things. The counselor is there to help her emotionally (and so are you). So aside from that, you may just want to help her cope by exerting her energy elsewhere. I'm so irritated right now. Children should never have to feel second best to ANYONE. If you are their parent, they should be your number one priority. How selfish of him.
Curmudgeon Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 My wife would likely say a deadbeat who is unreliable and constantly lets the children down is worse than no father at all. That was her experience with her ex and their two daughters and the after-effects have not been pretty.
Kenyth Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 She's upset because she thinks her friend is getting all of her dads attention and she isn't. I mean, it sounds pretty simple. Dad and her best friend are leaving together and she doesn't get to go. Pretty harsh on a six year old. The answer is for her to spend more special time with dad. Have you considered letting her go with and then picking her up later that night? If this isn't possible, it would be best if her friends mother picked her up, regardless of convenience. Talk to him about this and let him know that this isn't you trying to get into his relationships, it's his daughter that is hurt by it. Divorces suck and screw up kids. It's inevitable in some way.
delnoire Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 it sounds like you also might be a little insecure about this. I mean, if her father's new relationship leads to something serious, then he will probably eventually want to see your daugther more. And if that happens your daughter will have more of a family when she goes over there. She'll have her daddy, her best friend, and woman whom she'll probably soon be calling mommy. She might associate her life at her fathers as being more of a family, and time at your house as being different. That is a best possible scenario for your daughter, but kind of a worst possible scenario for you. But i'm sure you'd much rather have your daughter happy first. So you might want to talk to a counsellor (do counsellors see counsellors?) about that if that possibility makes you insecure.
amaysngrace Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 it sounds like you also might be a little insecure about this. I mean, if her father's new relationship leads to something serious, then he will probably eventually want to see your daugther more. And if that happens your daughter will have more of a family when she goes over there. She'll have her daddy, her best friend, and woman whom she'll probably soon be calling mommy. I agree with you that eventually it may all work out for the best but currently it's not working out for the six year old. And it's obvious that the child is the mother's number one priority at this point. It's difficult to see what will or will not be down the road. All she has is the present. And that's what her gripe is about. I think you're being insensitive to this woman. Are you her six-year-old daughter's best friend's mom?
melodymatters Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Read this question and asked my 14 yr old. her dad was absent from 1 yrs old on, and would pop in sporadically, every couple of years, via e- mail or a letter ( we were married for 6 yrs when she was born and he was in his late 30's and early 40's during this time) Never a dime of child support and he was a drunk, drug addict who lived off of his mother across the country. He died, 4 yrs ago when she was 10. I cried, because I once loved him. She said she felt badly because she DIDN'T feel badly. She didn't even know him. But, in your case he sounds WAY more involved, so I guess I was answering the title of your post more than your post itself. Sorry, but perhaps it will help others !
Recommended Posts