Dark Days Ahead

[johan]

Why does everyone WANT TO KNOW JOHAN so much?

Personally, I think Johans problem is that he is rude. I saw several replies made to him that he ignored completely. Most people at least acknowledge a post, even if it hasnt been very helpful to them.

 

Ok I'm being slightly facetious.

 

But since it seems youre sooo popular with the laydies, it doesnt sound like you have much of a problem. Maybe your problem is that all the ladies want to psychoanalyse you.

 

I don't think it's always a need to know me that brings out the responses you see. There are other motivations that have little to do with the topic of this thread.

 

But I really do appreciate the input from people who wanted to help. I couldn't respond to every one of their posts.

 

I think with that one sentence you're really tapping into the thing that keeps so many women in situations that are bad for them. A desire to understand, that's often pursued at far too much personal cost.

 

Being too empathic. Getting dragged down by the onerous task of expending all kinds of mental and emotional energy trying to understand someone else's inner conflict and unhappiness. Being so keen to understand that you start experiencing those same negative emotions yourself.

 

It's draining for anyone to put themselves in that situation for too long. Even if they're a naturally empathic person. Draining to strive to understand anyone who employs the "you almost get it" carrot and "but not quite" stick.

 

I think if your vision of a relationship involves a woman who really "gets" you, then whichever woman that might be will be almost doomed to feeling like a failure as a human being/girlfriend when you shake your head unhappily, thank her politely for her concern and effort, but tell her that she doesn't quite understand.

 

It's not just you, johan. By no means. This seems to be a recurring theme in a lot of male/female relationships.

 

I think you're talking about co-dependent tendencies. It would be expecting too much for me to think someone else could or should figure out my problems for me. I don't expect that. I didn't think we'd all figure it out here. But I like to hear people's ideas and to hear people say they care. Whatever caused me to start this thread is my problem to solve.

 

I don't even think figuring it out needs to be part of the solution. Sometimes it just means putting myself in situations where the problem, whatever it is, doesn't matter. It could be that many people's problems with depression and lack of confidence might be the result of the fact that they've chosen lifestyles that are wrong for them.

[Spinderella]

There are some wise people who say that all problems can be reduced down to one thing - fear, and that the opposite of fear is love or faith.

I dont know if it helps you, but it works for me. Psychoanalysis is endless, because fear is endless if you keep letting it rule your life.

It sounds religious, but I am not religious, I just like positive, simple solutions.

[dropdeadlegs]

There are some wise people who say that all problems can be reduced down to one thing - fear, and that the opposite of fear is love or faith.

I dont know if it helps you, but it works for me. Psychoanalysis is endless, because fear is endless if you keep letting it rule your life.

It sounds religious, but I am not religious, I just like positive, simple solutions.

I would have to agree that everything comes down to fear of some kind. It isn't always easy to see, but beneath the layers, I always find that I am afraid of something. I think that is just human nature.

[Art_Critic]

There are some wise people who say that all problems can be reduced down to one thing - fear,

 

I wouldn't just limit that to problems ...Sometimes we move forward because of the fear of staying where we are...

We do things everyday that are positive in our lives because we fear the consequences of not doing them...or we fear that if we don't do them we will be missing out on something or fear being left behind..

 

Fear isn't always a bad thing....

[Spinderella]

I would have to agree that everything comes down to fear of some kind. It isn't always easy to see, but beneath the layers, I always find that I am afraid of something. I think that is just human nature.

True, and problems are human nature. Its not always easy to get down under the layers, but if you do and switch the fear to faith, then you have a solution to most problems.

[Spinderella]

I wouldn't just limit that to problems ...Sometimes we move forward because of the fear of staying where we are...

We do things everyday that are positive in our lives because we fear the consequences of not doing them...or we fear that if we don't do them we will be missing out on something or fear being left behind..

 

Fear isn't always a bad thing....

I see what you are saying, but, it would be preferable to be motivated by inspiration.

[Touche]

It could be that many people's problems with depression and lack of confidence might be the result of the fact that they've chosen lifestyles that are wrong for them.

 

I don't agree. I think those people are in the minority. Depression and lack of confidence is usually not situational in my opinion. People who are prone to depression and who lack confidence will be depressed and lack confidence no matter what their situation. And they can change lifestyles all they want. It won't matter. Those problems will still plague them.

 

The root and source of those issues have to be addressed before any real change is made. Simply changing lifestyles is not enough. I have also noticed that people with these kinds of issues never think their chosen lifestyle is the right one. That kind of thinking is part of the depression.

[Spinderella]

I don't agree. I think those people are in the minority. Depression and lack of confidence is usually not situational in my opinion.

 

I agree, and furthermore, I would say that living the wrong lifestyle would be a result of depression and lack of confidence, rather than the other way around.

[Touche]

I agree, and furthermore, I would say that living the wrong lifestyle would be a result of depression and lack of confidence, rather than the other way around.

 

That's a great point, Spinderalla. I've never really looked at it that way.

[Spinderella]

That's a great point, Spinderalla. I've never really looked at it that way.

Thanks;), now I'm going to try and get inspired to motivate me into doing something constructive!

[Art_Critic]

Thanks;), now I'm going to try and get inspired to motivate me into doing something constructive!

 

You just fear becoming addicted to LS so you want to do something constructive.....

[Trialbyfire]

But I like to hear people's ideas and to hear people say they care.

This has got to be the most honest sentence ever typed by the OP. A bid for attention and sympathy.

[Spinderella]

You just fear becoming addicted to LS so you want to do something constructive.....

 

LOL. No, I'm just inspired by loveshack, to post things....all the time. Oh crap, I'm addicted arent I? I'm scared! Must be constructive. Must be constructive...

[lindya]

I think you're talking about co-dependent tendencies. It would be expecting too much for me to think someone else could or should figure out my problems for me. I don't expect that. I didn't think we'd all figure it out here. But I like to hear people's ideas and to hear people say they care. Whatever caused me to start this thread is my problem to solve.

 

I think people do care, but I suppose because it comes across as a general malaise rather than a feeling that's been triggered by a specific incident/situation, the problem-solving aspect of people is frustrated.

 

If you're suffering from it, I suppose the frustration is that you can't identify a particular goal that would make you feel better. Say someone's depressed because they're unwell, or don't have money. Good health and improved finances are clear goals for them - and hopefully attainable ones. You, on the other hand, sound as though physically and financially you're healthy enough.

 

It just doesn't sound as though there's a clear goal you've envisaged that you can work towards - though you did mention the notion of sharing your life with a woman you adore. That's a start I guess. I suppose you have to start considering what such a woman would be like...preferably without too much reference to previous girlfriends, as that would encourage more dwelling. Much easier said than done though, I know.

 

The other obvious thing, that I think people have already touched upon, is that you might have depression which can be treated with medication. Let's say you did see your doctor, he prescribed something, you started taking it and 3 wees from now you started to get that buzz of "I want to start going out and do things. I don't feel like sitting around thinking about things that bring me down. I don't have the patience for it right now." You'd probably be asking yourself why the hell you hadn't spoken to your doctor sooner (assuming you haven't).

 

Visits to the doctor and getting prescriptions for anti-depressants aren't just things that sane people tell insane people to do. A lot of people are very sorted precisely because they do those things that are aimed at making them function better.

[Storyrider]

Let's say you did see your doctor, he prescribed something, you started taking it and 3 wees from now you started to get that buzz of "I want to start going out and do things. I don't feel like sitting around thinking about things that bring me down. I don't have the patience for it right now." You'd probably be asking yourself why the hell you hadn't spoken to your doctor sooner (assuming you haven't).

 

I must admit that the above describes much of what I'm feeling right now, a month into meds. More active, less broody. Less prone to think in circles, which I do see you doing a bit, Johan, in the course of threads you've posted over several months.

 

I do have some questions about the effects of meds on one's deeper feelings, as per my recent thread. If Franz Kafka had been on meds he might never have sat around brooding about turning into a giant cockroach. Then again, if he hadn't the emotional energy to pick up a pen and write it down, maybe a dose or two would have done him good.

[lindya]

I must admit that the above describes much of what I'm feeling right now, a month into meds. More active, less broody. Less prone to think in circles, which I do see you doing a bit, Johan, in the course of threads you've posted over several months.

 

I do have some questions about the effects of meds on one's deeper feelings, as per my recent thread. If Franz Kafka had been on meds he might never have sat around brooding about turning into a giant cockroach. Then again, if he hadn't the emotional energy to pick up a pen and write it down, maybe a dose or two would have done him good.

 

I just spotted my typo in your quote. "3 wees from now". That's all it takes! I pill and three trips to the loo!

 

I find I'm more creative when I'm happy. Feeling depressed is more like just emptiness where I can't be bothered with anything. Not even necessarily feeling that much. Feelings have still been there when I've been on meds, but I've been less inclined to dwell. Are you glad you started on the meds, Story? What's been the best part of it, would you say?

 

I'm going to have a dream about a gigantic cockroach tonight. I'm sure of it.

[Storyrider]

I just spotted my typo in your quote. "3 wees from now". That's all it takes! I pill and three trips to the loo!

 

:lmao:

 

Feelings have still been there when I've been on meds, but I've been less inclined to dwell.

 

That is true for me too. But the strange thing is, I am so used to dwelling that I don't know what it means to feel emotions but not to obsess and dwell on them. It feels like getting off a boat and not having my land legs yet.

 

Are you glad you started on the meds, Story?

 

I'm glad I'm giving it a try. If I don't like it, I can always go off them. So far it seems like an improvement. I was crying all the time, and it is hard to function that way.

 

What's been the best part of it, would you say?

 

So far, the best part is I can plan better and think through the steps I would need to reach a goal, and it actually seems realistic that I could follow through and do them. Clarity of thought, I guess you could say. The emotions seem to stay more where they belong.

I'm going to have a dream about a gigantic cockroach tonight. I'm sure of it.

 

Ugh. I can readily supply some realistic images from my days of living in the South.

[Trialbyfire]

Different threads give me inspiration for different things in my life. This thread has given me the inspiration of what not to do to myself, getting trapped in a rut and then unwilling to leverage myself out of it. There's a comfort zone in a rut, whether that rut feeds unhealthy needs, is simply comfortable or any combination thereof.

 

OP, take one thread at a time of your unhappy existence and follow it, fixing whatever you need to do on the way to get to your end goal. Ensure that your end goal is realistic. Forget fears but listen to cautions. If you find that your cautions are restricting you too much, look to why you have so many cautionary mechanisms.

 

Anyways, over and out of this thread. Thanks for the thread OP.

[lindya]

That is true for me too. But the strange thing is, I am so used to dwelling that I don't know what it means to feel emotions but not to obsess and dwell on them. It feels like getting off a boat and not having my land legs yet.

 

So you probably won't really know what you're thinking and feeling until you get your land legs. Then you might feel that far from worrying about getting the creative urge, you're getting all kinds of inspiration and energy to write it all down.

 

 

I'm glad I'm giving it a try. If I don't like it, I can always go off them. So far it seems like an improvement. I was crying all the time, and it is hard to function that way.

 

Totally. Not good for anyone to get to that state. I had a spell a few years ago now when I was the same way. For a while I thought "well, it's good to get it all out" - then it reached a stage where I thought "emotions are good, and I don't want to be an overly controlled person....but at the same time, it's time to start getting a bit of grip over all this."

 

 

So far, the best part is I can plan better and think through the steps I would need to reach a goal, and it actually seems realistic that I could follow through and do them. Clarity of thought, I guess you could say. The emotions seem to stay more where they belong.

 

So they're still there, but they just don't dominate you - which seems like a very good thing.

 

 

Ugh. I can readily supply some realistic images from my days of living in the South.

 

Aha. The cockroach. Well - I didn't dream about a giant one, but I did have a bizarre dream about attending a large family gathering and being given a seat that had a huge hole in it that I fell right through - to the sound of gales of laughter. Then I could hear one voice say "Don't anyone help her up. It's her own fault. She has to learn..."... and another saying "what are you talking about? You drilled that hole in the seat."

 

I woke up, and it was a good 5 minutes before I got up because I was busy trying to get back to sleep so that I could continue the dream and find out which cockroach drilled a hole in my seat. It's still bugging me.

 

Sorry to hijack, Johan - but I just had to share.

[Storyrider]

Aha. The cockroach. Well - I didn't dream about a giant one, but I did have a bizarre dream about attending a large family gathering and being given a seat that had a huge hole in it that I fell right through - to the sound of gales of laughter. Then I could hear one voice say "Don't anyone help her up. It's her own fault. She has to learn..."... and another saying "what are you talking about? You drilled that hole in the seat."

 

I woke up, and it was a good 5 minutes before I got up because I was busy trying to get back to sleep so that I could continue the dream and find out which cockroach drilled a hole in my seat. It's still bugging me.

 

Lindya in Wonderland.

 

Maybe it was the Cheshire Cockroach. That would make a good user name for someone. Or the name of a band.

[uniqueone]

I can feel them coming. Days of torment, anxiety and isolation.

 

 

Welcome to my world!

[johan]

Welcome to my world!

 

I'm sorry to hear that, uniqueone. I dodged them this time around, thanks in part to this thread. I hope you are able to do the same.

 

It's not hard for me to think myself into a hole that takes a long time to escape. I hate that about myself.

[uniqueone]

I'm sorry to hear that, uniqueone. I dodged them this time around, thanks in part to this thread. I hope you are able to do the same.

 

It's not hard for me to think myself into a hole that takes a long time to escape. I hate that about myself.

 

I tried a thread about it but it had the opposite effect on me....but I didn't get the type of replies you're getting. Mine were....er....not so nice.

 

Feel free to pm me whenever you feel you need an ear to listen.

[johan]

I tried a thread about it but it had the opposite effect on me....but I didn't get the type of replies you're getting. Mine were....er....not so nice.

 

Ha ha. I think I'm getting about 50/50 nice to not-so-nice. You should try another thread. I saw you post one the other day, then blank it out.

[uniqueone]

Ha ha. I think I'm getting about 50/50 nice to not-so-nice. You should try another thread. I saw you post one the other day, then blank it out.

 

Yeeeah......I've decided not to start any threads. There are some people on LS that just use it as an opportunity to start something. If you go take a look, even with my blank thread, someone tried to stir something up. Amazing, huh?