spookie Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I can't help it. When I meet someone I really like, I fall fast and hard. I become obsessive about whether or now he'll call again. I start planning our future. I want to spend every minute together. I know it's unattractive and creepy, and I'm not this way with "interests" I am not as interested in, or with my friends, but I don't know how to control myself when I meet someone I click with in some specific ways. Is everyone like this? Does this just mean I've met someone special? Or are some people capable of emotionally taking it slow? The weirdest part about all this is, this guy is, in many ways, identical to my ex. They have the same look (thanks to being large chunks of Native American), are good students in the same major, both are self-confident to the point of arrogance, have the same interests (literally), are very logical, and came to have the same outlooks on life in in the exact same way. They do have different personalities (one is very introverted and negative, one is not) but I am wondering if it's a bad idea to get involved with someone so similar to the ex, or if this is simply the kind of person I will always go for because it's very easy for me to relate.
uniqueone Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I can't help it. When I meet someone I really like, I fall fast and hard. I become obsessive about whether or now he'll call again. I start planning our future. I want to spend every minute together. I know it's unattractive and creepy, and I'm not this way with "interests" I am not as interested in, or with my friends, but I don't know how to control myself when I meet someone I click with in some specific ways. Is everyone like this? Does this just mean I've met someone special? Or are some people capable of emotionally taking it slow? The weirdest part about all this is, this guy is, in many ways, identical to my ex. They have the same look (thanks to being large chunks of Native American), are good students in the same major, both are self-confident to the point of arrogance, have the same interests (literally), are very logical, and came to have the same outlooks on life in in the exact same way. They do have different personalities (one is very introverted and negative, one is not) but I am wondering if it's a bad idea to get involved with someone so similar to the ex, or if this is simply the kind of person I will always go for because it's very easy for me to relate. You sound a lot like me. From what I've learned, we're drawn to what's familiar. That's not too good though if you didn't exactly grow up in a loving environment. So what that says is...the people that I find that I click with are those who seem familiar to me. So far, that hasn't proven to be a good plan for me so I'm seeking the means to change it. Recently I've learned that as a person changes their thoughts and perceptions about their upbringing and experiences, then those whom they they find that they'll click with can change too. In other words, you can change who you click with when you change yourself. I used to think that this was impossible...that you couldn't help liking who you liked. I find it difficult to change who I click with, but I know it's possible somehow. Familiar to me is someone who is very intelligent, witty, and a high achiever type, yet also can be cold, critical, even abusive. I'm drawn to the high intelligence and wit and when I encounter the coldness or biting criticism (or abusiveness), I actually don't know if I should be bothered by it or not...or if it's just normal. My feelings tell me I'm bothered (hurt) by it, but I literally have to look to others to tell me if it's normal or not and whether or not I should feel the way I do. This is because when I was growing up, I learned to accept it as normal. Anyway, my point is that you need to understand what's driving your pattern and if it's a good one to follow or not. Has it been a good one to follow so far? Your obsessiveness tells me that there's a problem. I have obsessiveness too and it's usually a sign of some past damage.
Krytie TV Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I have recently learned the skill of not caring too much about any one person and it's a blessing. There will come a time, bit for now I can manage liking someone without falling for them. It's rather nice.
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