NYCmitch25 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Lets face it men, we are emotionally stunted, we are taught not to convey our emotions - that having them in itself is weakness or 'womanly'. Sadly this is a conditioning to some degree in North American culture. - control your emotions - "Don't cry, be tough!"- be self-reliant - "Stand on your own feet and solve your own problems."- perform - "Work hard, achieve high performance." - avoid being feminine - "Don't be a wimp! Be a man."- disconnect sex and intimacy - "Be a great lover". We all have 'heros' be it grandpa or Tony Soprano which shape this. The men described in this open letter have some of the absolutely worst 'heros' I'm sure. We need to resist and try to break from these ideals; women need to understand and recognize it. There is a lot of truth in looking at your partner's parents as a rough compass to how he/she will work out.
SoHotZanzibar Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Lets face it. You are speaking for yourself. Blanket statements are a sign of ignorance
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 You can make excuses for it or you can change yourself to whatever you want.
Pyro Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 IMO, ignorance is what teaches a man to hide his emotions. Just be yourself. The best people in life will like you for having the balls to be yourself around others.
Author NYCmitch25 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Lets face it. You are speaking for yourself. Blanket statements are a sign of ignorance I don't mean to be rude but are you a teenager or pre-teen ? Yes I AM speaking for myself, but I'm using this thing called knowledge to tell you something that you apparently don't want to hear. You unintentially support me when you claim that I'm making "blanket statements" ; the meaning of a blanket statement is a statement that is obviously true - to the point redundancy. Get it ?
SoHotZanzibar Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I don't mean to be rude but are you a teenager or pre-teen ? Yes I AM speaking for myself, but I'm using this thing called knowledge to tell you something that you apparently don't want to hear. You unintentially support me when you claim that I'm making "blanket statements" ; the meaning of a blanket statement is a statement that is obviously true - to the point redundancy. Get it ? You are speaking for yourself? Here is what you should have wrote then: Lets face it men, I am emotionally stunted, I was taught not to convey my emotions - that having them in itself is weakness or 'womanly'. Sadly this is a conditioning to some degree in MY culture. - control MYemotions - "Don't cry, be tough!"- be self-reliant - "Stand on your own feet and solve your own problems."- perform - "Work hard, achieve high performance." - avoid being feminine - "Don't be a wimp! Be a man."- disconnect sex and intimacy - "Be a great lover". I have 'heros' be it grandpa or Tony Soprano which shape this. I have some of the absolutely worst 'heros' I'm sure. I need to resist and try to break from these ideals; women need to understand and recognize it. There is a lot of truth in looking at your partner's parents as a rough compass to how he/she will work out. Now, do YOU get it? Do you not understand that speaking for YOURSELF does not include WE but I? Because you have emotional emotions does not mean all MEN do. Don't include others to justify your shortcomings. And I'll ignore the teen or preteen comment, but I'm the one that knows the difference between WE and I.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Did a lady friend recently lament over your inability to be "emotional"? Just curious.
Author NYCmitch25 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 You are speaking for yourself? Here is what you should have wrote then: Now, do YOU get it? Do you not understand that speaking for YOURSELF does not include WE but I? Because you have emotional emotions does not mean all MEN do. Don't include others to justify your shortcomings. And I'll ignore the teen or preteen comment, but I'm the one that knows the difference between WE and I. So your response to my comment that men are emotionally unable to express themselves is to retort with a childish comment ? Do you see the irony? Look, I'm not trying to make the point here to say I have the problem, I'm trying to open a dialog about this issue that is a real problem in our culture. Anyway, have a nice night..
Ocean-Blue Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 You have not answered my question! I'm curious to know what prompted you to ask this question.
Author NYCmitch25 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Did a lady friend recently lament over your inability to be "emotional"? Just curious. No I'm just being abstract. When I say 'we' I'm being polite...
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 It's very much like saying that women are governed by emotion and are incapable of making financial decisions, therefore women should be given understanding for their overspending. Sorry, but each person is fully capable of being fiscally responsible.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 K, now that you've answered me, I'm going to attempt to give you my two cents... Lets face it men, we are emotionally stunted, we are taught not to convey our emotions - that having them in itself is weakness or 'womanly'. Sadly this is a conditioning to some degree in North American culture. - control your emotions - "Don't cry, be tough!"- be self-reliant - "Stand on your own feet and solve your own problems."- perform - "Work hard, achieve high performance." - avoid being feminine - "Don't be a wimp! Be a man."- disconnect sex and intimacy - "Be a great lover". I can tell from my personal experience with men and emotions...it REALLY varies. Some guys are in touch with their emotions, others would rather not go there. Some guys open up after having known someone and others never really let people in. I don't know that it's a North American thing. Personally, I find that the best ones have a good balance (and are the most attractive). No one wants a brute nor do they want Mr. Weepy. But that goes for women too, no? We need to resist and try to break from these ideals; women need to understand and recognize it. There is a lot of truth in looking at your partner's parents as a rough compass to how he/she will work out. I have to agree with you here. It's good to recognize that we do, as a society, socialize our boys and girls differently. But sometimes I wonder how much of it is environmental and how much of it is biological? For example, when given a choice, boys tend to, on average, opt to play with a truck, car, etc. than a doll (and a girls choose the doll). I remember reading some study back in undergrad on this (yes I know, without an actual source my point holds no water...). As for one's SO's parents... YES! Totally agree with you on that. A man looks to his father for direction. Some guys don't admit it, but their father's presence (or lack thereof) has a great deal to do with his treatment of women in his adult life. Of course, one does not have to blindly follow in the footsteps of one's father. Some men recognize their emotional issues and choose to do something about it. At the end of the day, it's really about how self-aware a man is and how far he is willing to go to change himself (if in fact he wants to change).
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