Man goes back to wife

[herenow]

BS and OW alike have to admit that there is nothing surprising about what this MM has done. The OP did know that he was capable of leaving a very long marriage via an email (or text, or phone message, I don't remember). If he can do that to his wife of so many years, I'm sure it's no big deal for him to do what he has done to the OP.

 

I would think that an OW involved with this kind of man would almost expect this type of treatment. Just seems logical to me.

[NoIDidn't]

In most cases the OW is not likely to get an apology from the MM. Most of the time, they (the MM) feel like she (the OW) knew what she was getting into and knew that he was just dreaming out loud.

 

Or maybe the OW does get the apology, but then what? Is the apology really all that is wanted? Does she expect the MM to heal her heart for her? What could he do (besides leave his W again) to make that happen? Does the OW want the MM to be as miserable as she feels that he has left her? What will truly make the OW feel better besides turning back the hands of time and not getting involved with the married guy to begin with?

[TexasSadGirl]

I am sitting here getting madder by the minute that he refuses to acknowledge my pain and hurt and feelings.I need him to know what he has done to me as well as to the W. I am dying inside.I would like advice from OW only because soem of the others are plain mean and judge when they do not know the whole story or situation.

[Tomcat33]

Spoken like the true defender of people who like to sleep with other people's spouses.

 

 

no actually and what you OBVIOUSLY fail to see is that I defend anyone who comes here at their worst looking for some words of encouragement to get out of their rut be it an OP or a BS I will extend my shoulder to cry on and few words of encouragement if I can share something of value. I would do that in real life for a stranger in pain no matter what they were in pain about, why? because I can seperate my personal life from other people's. The problem with this place is that when some of us try to talk to the BSs who come here for advice or a shoulder to cry on everything is fine until one of the louses who have nothing better to do with their lives that spew HATRED pipes in to poison the minds of the new commers and we cannot even talk to people of the BS camp because a select few start with their biting remarks such as "hypocrite, whores, selfish biches who should not be giving adive" so we stick to this side AND EVEN HERE WE CAN'T GET AWAY FROM YOUR PUTIRD MINDS.

 

So I tend to stick to this side of the forum to avoid the bullying remarks.

[Tomcat33]

I am sitting here getting madder by the minute that he refuses to acknowledge my pain and hurt and feelings.I need him to know what he has done to me as well as to the W. I am dying inside.I would like advice from OW only because soem of the others are plain mean and judge when they do not know the whole story or situation.

 

I don't blame you for only wanting advice from those who want to empathise. Just ignore the lame answers Texas, this is a free forum for everyone, it cannot discriminate against posters so just ignore them.

 

Some people have no respect for pain, they just don't respect themselves.

Focus on the answers that are trying to help you even if some may be harsh to hear but don't waste your time on the answers that are just here to get a negative reaction out of you.

[TexasSadGirl]

Thank you.Im glad somebody cares and understands

[Tomcat33]

Thank you.Im glad somebody cares and understands

 

Don't even respond to the posts that make you angry or that hurt you, that is exctly what they want. It's not about you, it's about them. No wonder their partners stabbed them in the back, as they did.

[NoIDidn't]

No wonder their partners stabbed them in the back, as they did.

 

So according to this logic, what did Texas do for him to "stab her in the back" as he did?

[reboot]

Don't even respond to the posts that make you angry or that hurt you, that is exctly what they want. It's not about you, it's about them. No wonder their partners stabbed them in back as they did they are just annoying.

And that's every bit as unfair as the people you're speaking of. Most of these people are bitter because they got stabbed in the back. If you're going to claim empathy, you should try to have empathy for all.

 

IMHO.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I need him to know what he has done to me as well as to the W.

 

That's the problem. He does know. He just prioritizes his own needs ahead of yours and his wife's, and when it comes right down to it, doesn't really care. If he can be said to care at all, it will only be to the extent that it doesn't interfere with his own wants and needs. You can show a person what they are doing, but you can't make them care about it. All you do is make them angry and defensive. It is frustrating, for sure.

[Impudent Oyster]

Bish is pretty harsh on me.Doesnt know the whole story.They all seem to blame the OW here and not the MM.Doesnt seem to make a differnce that he had moved out and filed for a diviorce. And thats the way I saw it until one night he up and left in the middle of the night and went back to the wife.

 

The point Bish is making, is that you should not have been surprised. We're talking about a man who walked out on his wife of 23 years, a woman he made vows to, via email!

 

You really expected more from him?

 

I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but people do show you who they are. He's a liar, he's selfish and he walks out on women. He didn't hide that, you knew it from the beginning. What more did you need to know?

[Tomcat33]

And that's every bit as unfair as the people you're speaking of. Most of these people are bitter because they got stabbed in the back. If you're going to claim empathy, you should try to have empathy for all.

 

IMHO.

 

I am NOT claiming empathy and certainly NOT from you or ANYONE for that matter. I claim empathy for people that come here in a time of crisis. They don't need to hear "your" (as in the general you) baggage spewed the moment they set foot here. It's one thing to debate with someone who is just here posting an opinion I think that's fine if you come here not in distress and want to throw some thoughts around fine, but it is another to HIJACK a thread as certain posters ALWAYS do to spew hatred at people in pain. have some respect for god's sake considering you spend your LIVES on here talking abou people's selfishness and lack of care for others, just for someone who DID NOTHING to you personally. Or get your head checked once and for all because kicking people when

they are down says a lot more about YOU than it does them, again you as in the general you not anyone in particular ok?

 

most people who are bitter got stabbed in the back by the people they married, and most people who are bitter on the OP side also got stabbed in the back so stop picking on OP as if they are going to fix your $hitty marriage situation. If you can't even fix it which a lot of you clearly can't which is why you are tied here 24/7 picking fight with hurling insulting names at everyone on this forum, then what do you expect from the people you pick on they are certainly not going to fix you $hitty partners and the mistakes YOU both made to get to where you got.

 

Go home and screw you head on tight and maybe your partner will want to SCREW you instead of the neighbour.

 

And I can make this comment as much as I want because you came here looking for a scarp there you have it, a scrap! a woman turned here for some help and she has to sift throught posts and posts just to be heard, of flat out $$hit from people who clearly have NOTHING better to do IN THEIR LIVES .

[BestAdvisor1]

I am sitting here getting madder by the minute that he refuses to acknowledge my pain and hurt and feelings.I need him to know what he has done to me as well as to the W. I am dying inside.I would like advice from OW only because soem of the others are plain mean and judge when they do not know the whole story or situation.

 

The whole story? Unless this whole story of yours involve you not knowing he was married, you deserve what you got for what you did to his wife. Can you respect yourself after what you did? (Don't say: "What about him?" because that's a whole different issue and he deserves even worse).

[BurriedAlive]

Thank you.Im glad somebody cares and understands

 

Don't worry Texas, there are many of us that care. You are not alone. Hang in there! It does get better and I am still here as proof of that!

[SoxPrincess]

Don't worry Texas, there are many of us that care. You are not alone. Hang in there! It does get better and I am still here as proof of that!

 

Exactly BA! Texas, I know it's hard to ignore the nasty comments that are being spewed in your thread, but my advice is when you see the screen name of someone you know is going to bash you..scroll right over their post until you see a post from someone who is offering you support/advice/a friendly ear. There are so many message boards where BS or just judgmental people can post, I'm not sure why they feel the need to bust in on your thread where it's obvious you are hurting.

 

Keep your head up Texas, listen to those who do care about you and ignore those you don't. This is your thread and just keep on keepin' on with sharing your feelings because BA is right, there are a lot of us who do care.

[bish]

So I tend to stick to this side of the forum to avoid the bullying remarks, and you know what? somedays I'll take it on I'll take on the whole lot of you time wasters, but other times I just wanna be here at peace and talk to people in pain and share experiences FOR ONE FRIGGIN MOMENT without the likes of YOU your BISH clones interrupting to spew your evil venom crap.

 

Evil? evil as in f#cking other people's spouses?

 

Im so over you and your ways

 

Sure you are.

 

 

BUT the newcomers that encounter your $ht should NOT have to put up with your baggage.

 

Nope...its the people they help destroy that shouldn't have to put up with the likes of them in real life.

 

Funny how people like that could care less who they destroy...yet can't take the heat and truth in words in a forum like this.

 

they can dish it out in real life, but can't take it in here......well boo hoo

[bish]

Some people have no respect for pain, they just don't respect themselves..

 

Well thats the first smart thing you've said yet. OW/OM..MM/MW have no respect for the people that they cause pain in real life.

 

Very well said.

[bish]

The whole story? Unless this whole story of yours involve you not knowing he was married, you deserve what you got for what you did to his wife.

 

Oh come on now. She doesn't want to hear anything about his wife...she could care less about what he and her did to his wife.

[TexasSadGirl]

Actually you are wrong. I told him from the beginning to not leave his wife and I wanted nothing to do with him if he did.And no I did NOT SLEEP with him until after he left home and had filed for a divorce.And NO I did not know about leaving her the way he did until almost toward the end of our fling.He kept that secret.Im not soem monster.I just fell in love with the wrong man.

 

Im sorry some of you have been hurt by your partners or loved ones but I thought this forum was about support or advice on issues not making nasty remarks and fighting and bickering.

[bish]

Actually you are wrong. I told him from the beginning to not leave his wife and I wanted nothing to do with him if he did.And no I did NOT SLEEP with him until after he left home and had filed for a divorce.

 

Assuming this is true...is that suppose to make involving yourself with someone elses husband all better?

[Tomcat33]

Actually you are wrong. I told him from the beginning to not leave his wife and I wanted nothing to do with him if he did.And no I did NOT SLEEP with him until after he left home and had filed for a divorce.And NO I did not know about leaving her the way he did until almost toward the end of our fling.He kept that secret.Im not soem monster.I just fell in love with the wrong man.

 

 

Texas your story is exactly like mine, except mine did not file for divorce but he had me going it was a done deal until I got fed up of waiting, otherwise your story is EXACTLY like mine.

 

How are you feeling today?

[silktricks]

I agree HE is the one we should be bashing afterall HE is the one who holds the key to either woman's future. Whether the women decide to leave him or not is a different story but typically it is he who holds the power (in his head in secret) at the height of both simultaneous rels.

 

Do you really believe this? Because I disagree wholeheartedly. Each of us carry the key to our own future. Each of us can control who we are, what we do, who we fall in love with.

 

You are intent on not bashing the OW/OM and that's fine, but let's just not be bashing anyone. You can see clearly the pain of the OW because you've been there (and have seen it repeated on these boards). You also see the pain of the BS because of hearing it and seeing it in so very many posts on these boards. What is missing from almost all postings on these boards is the pain of the MP, whether man or woman, but especially man. I've seen MW post and not get raked over the coals but without fail the MM is bashed to kingdom come.

 

So, do you really think that the MM is not in most cases a seriously confused person? Of the people in the triangle, he's probably the one who is the most messed up. He's in pain, too or he wouldn't be in the situation at all. Men are taught, though, practically from birth to not show their emotions. What is it that he's supposed to do when he is hurting because the woman he was in love with and gave his life to is doing things that hurt him sometimes hurt him deeply? Well, it's obvious what he's SUPPOSED to do. He's SUPPOSED to take care of the situation or get a divorce. He's SUPPOSED to not wander around f*cking other women. But none of us are SUPPOSED to screw up, it's just that most of us do one way or another.

 

The same society that says he's not supposed to show emotion says that it's just fine for him to be going out and "plowing other fields" (so long as he doesn't get caught of course - or worse yet, actually fall in love with the OW that's a joke, don't take it personally please). Watch what is displayed on TV and movies. It really hasn't changed that much in the last 50 years. The really "cool" guys have the ladies falling all over them. They're generally not married, but they're NEVER faithful - each episode has a new girl who's usually about 30 years younger than the leading man. Sometimes I'm surprised that there is any fidelity at all, considering the standards that we are all taught!!

 

Now, with that all said, I also want to say that I think that many people who are hurting think they are being bashed when that is not at all the intent of the person posting. (Not all by any means, but many).

 

To the OP: It seems to me that you are well out of the situation. The odds of you getting any kind of consideration from the MM is slim to none. (think of what he did to his wife of 23 years!!) I hope you can pick yourself up and think of this as a really bad experience and one to be learned from.

[TexasSadGirl]

Im OK. I went to the doctor last night to get some anti-anxiety medication as I am so stessed and over the edge at home and at work lately.He emailed me this morning and says his wife is gone for 3 days and he is ready to see me today at lunch if I can). I dont get it,he says he wants to fix things with his wife. Why does he want to keep seeing me physically. I dont even get the emotional part or nice things that even went with it before like the sweet words or emails or calls even. Why are men cold like that. I never ever have had the ability to turn emotions on and off like a water faucet. Im getting really close to telling him off but I do still care deeply and Im not an ugly or vindictive person by nature.But he really needs to know the damage hes done once and for all before I say goodbye.

I know most dont want to hear but we really did have an unbelieveable fairytale type relationship while he was separated. And ad I keep stressing this the divorce papers were so close to being signed. This is just so hard to fathom and grasp.I really want to walk away and not speak to him again for what hes done. I really want to get angry and tell him off but something keeps holding me back. Im ususlly a strong independant person. Im tough. Im an electrical engineer working in a sea of many men. But I crumble and fall apart like a mental patient over this dips**it.

[whichwayisup]

Please do not go see him. It is over...You do not need to see him face to face. End it with a phone call or in an email.

 

He more than likely isn't being malcious, but think about why he would only contact you to see you when his wife is away. Once she is back, do you believe he'll be inviting you out again? I know this hurts you, but you gotta take that step back and see this situation, the affair, your MM for what it is. Nothing more, nothing less...

 

But he really needs to know the damage hes done once and for all before I say goodbye.

 

Then you write him that email or tell him over the phone. You be strong and YOU call the shots, NOT HIM. Take control back and don't let him sucker you back into his arms, don't fall for the crap lines he'll throw at you, or even tears, if he has the balls to cry.

 

You'll be better off in the long run, your future is yours again. Think of it like that. The short term pain you'll feel after you end it, WILL go away. Stay in this situation, you'll be living and dying a slow painful death.

 

Take care of you.

[luvmy2ns]

That's right. YOU take control of YOUR life and YOUR feelings. He's obviously just trying to see if you'll let him use you. And if he really cared about his wife, he wouldn't continue to try to see you behind her back. It's plain to see that even if he did divorce his wife, no matter how wonderful a person YOU are, he would disregard your feelings as well.

 

It's like taking off a bandaid. If you rip it off quickly, it hurts less.