Man goes back to wife

[SoxPrincess]

I am REALLY sick of these bitter BSs coming to our forum, hijacking our threads and trying to make us feel like we are the scum of the earth. I think we should just IGNORE them. Obviously us getting into these battles and trying to justify our existence as humans is not doing any freakin' good. So, if everyone is with me, why don't we just IGNORE them? Of course the BS's that actually offer respectful advice to us are welcome here.

 

 

I *SO* agree with you and it's one of the main reasons I don't post here that much anymore, which is sad. I said it in another thread, but I'm starting to think this particular forum needs to be more heavily moderated or there needs to be a separate area where people can receive support without fear of being judged and looked down upon.

 

I'm weary of it too, BA. The complete disregard for human pain astounds me sometimes.

 

But I refuse to ignore it. New posters looking for support have their threads highjacked far too often in this forum. These are new people, dont recognise the politics, and probably feel crucified when they are feeling at their very lowest. I refuse to allow them to be bullied by sanctimony.They're in pain, confused, and are looking for support, guidance. Constructive criticism an perspectives are offered by some posters who have come from the other side of the fence and I fully support that. However, I'm going to continue addressing these posts because a) At least the original poster recognise someone in their corner and, b) I dont believe in bullying.

 

AMEN...another fantastic post. BestAdvisor says she or he isn't a BS, but there is a forum on the internet (not sure if I can name another board here) where women bash OW's horribly and BestAdvisor sounds exactly like some of the women that post there. There are plenty of places on the internet to bash OW's but this is supposed to be a place to show or offer support, I sure wish it could stay that way.

 

OP- You have received some great advice here and I hope you continue to post and share your story without feeling like you will be judged for them.

[OpenBook]

you will find a lot of comfort in sharing your thoughts here with us, but be careful not to get caught up in all the foolish nasty bable of posts of those who have nothing better than to prey on the misery of others. I urge you just ignore them, they have problems FAR bigger than you or I or any of us who were in our shoes have or ever will have. Understand that their hostility is NOT about your they are so broken within that they need to bully others on here to make themselves feel better and the worst thing you can do is feed into their bullcrap comments, which are just that. Morality if for the individual, who is ANYONE to tell you how to live, certainly don't let a few jacka$$es here tell you otherwise who harp on the obvious like some bible thumping televagelists you cannot get rid of at your doorstep.

 

Amen, Tomcat, amen. There's nothing more I can add that's better than what you said.

[OpenBook]

Hopefully, you have learned the error of your ways and will never involve yourself with a MM. I'm wondering if these women posting on this board habitually date MM. They seem to be a support group for women who date MM as a way of life and justify their unethical, immoral acts.

 

Go ahead, think about/judge us however you want. We have no control over what you think. And we have nothing to prove to you.

 

I *SO* agree with you and it's one of the main reasons I don't post here that much anymore, which is sad. I said it in another thread, but I'm starting to think this particular forum needs to be more heavily moderated or there needs to be a separate area where people can receive support without fear of being judged and looked down upon.

 

There is nothing to fear. We are all anonymous, faceless posters on a public Internet forum. What are they going to do, shoot us?? I would rather keep it open than start regulating it more; where everyone feels free to comment. If someone wishes to judge us, let them. We can sift through all of the advice offered and take away from it what we will.

[Impudent Oyster]

Hello:

 

 

Please make me undersatnd how someone can just turn their love on and off and forget all his promises. I know Im being selfish ........How could he just forget it all like that??

 

Gee, I don't know, maybe his wife of 23 years can enlighten you on how he could forget all his promises? Are you kidding??????

 

When I read posts like this I just shake my head in disbelief. HE'S MARRIED, why shouldn't he live with his wife?

 

It's really simple, why on earth would a young single woman want with a 54 year old married man? Sometimes I think other women are a different species because I cannot fathom the appeal.

 

Aren't there any cute, single men your age that will go out with you?

[Impudent Oyster]

he'll pay his own price. You'll see. You don't seem to have kids yet. So you are young and can meet someone who'll treat you better. He's got a wife and kids. Just imagine that his wife was in much worse situation than you because she does not have all those possibilities you've got in life. Plus she's got kids to take care of. He will pay a price for his selfishness: both for you and his wife. I think his imminent punishment would be his children. Because they will never be able to fully forgive them for what he's done to their mom. When I think of love, I think of growing old with a person that you can trust. I doubt that his wife is still thinking of growing old with him. I am sorry this has happened to you. It has to most of us. But see this as an opportunity. Often unfortunate events turn into fortunate ones.

 

Yep, he will pay the price when he sees the look of disgust and disrespect in his older children's eyes. I only hope they don't find out what an a$$ he's been.

 

Typical mid-life crisis. If he's lucky his wife will forgive him his stupidity and his kids will be none the wiser and they'll all be able to get over his enormous error in judgment.

 

If he's unlucky his wife won't be forgiving and he'll be left out in the cold, but make no mistake, the choice is hers to make.

 

The OP is lucky she only wasted 8 months with him, some OW waste YEARS.

[Impudent Oyster]

..Its just so disgusting I get dropped after tons of promises and he forgets everything he ever said to me and wants to fix things with her..

 

This is important, and this is what all OW should pay careful attention to.

 

Why in god's name would you begin to believe the lies of a liar? Of course he forgot everything he ever said to you, that's because everything he said to you was meaningless. It was just talk to get into your pants and to string you along.

 

Talk is cheap. Say it again. Talk is cheap.

 

Now isn't it silly to even think that a married man can make a promise to you? He isn't in a position to make promises, he's got a wife.

 

I think if the OW would remember that all the sweet talk coming from her boyfriend's lips is unmitigated bullsh#t, they wouldn't find themselves wondering how he could lie to them.

 

He's a liar, that's what he does. Don't forget it.

[Tomcat33]

Thes types of guys say and promise a lot of things that I believe they really feel in the moment. I don't think they say stuff just to lie, I honestly believe they feel it in the moment. Thing is though when they step away and reality sinks in of how he has handled all the other aspect of his life the remorse sets in and that seems to weigh out more. The problem with these guys is not so much what they say but not knowing when to quit. They keep verbalizing what is going on in their hearts not taking into account what is happening in their conscience and in this respect they are dishonest, they are dishonest because they lie saying they are ready to move on or have dealt with their issues when they actually have a ton of loose ends they still need to fix.

 

In that respect the responsibility is ours to not take everything they say so at face value, but the sad reality is that this knowledge and insight only comes after the fact. God only knows I did not see this while I was there, I really was naive enough to think he could very well be ready to move on, and I think this might have been your case too Texas, when your guy made you so many promises in the moment.

 

It's very easy to fall for that.

 

- OpenBook ;-)

[BurriedAlive]

This is important, and this is what all OW should pay careful attention to.

 

Why in god's name would you begin to believe the lies of a liar? Of course he forgot everything he ever said to you, that's because everything he said to you was meaningless. It was just talk to get into your pants and to string you along.

 

Talk is cheap. Say it again. Talk is cheap.

 

Now isn't it silly to even think that a married man can make a promise to you? He isn't in a position to make promises, he's got a wife.

 

I think if the OW would remember that all the sweet talk coming from her boyfriend's lips is unmitigated bullsh#t, they wouldn't find themselves wondering how he could lie to them.

 

He's a liar, that's what he does. Don't forget it.

 

There. A post that offers insight and "tough love" but doesn't judge or criticize. I don't mind these types of posts.

 

So why are there so many internet website that bash OWs? Where in the heck are the ones that bash MM???? In my opinion, they are the ones the most in the wrong in these situations. He caused the hurt and pain to his BS, his OW and his Children. He is the liar who only cares about himself.

 

Instead of us fighting with each other, we should all just gang up and fight with him!

[TexasSadGirl]

This is important, and this is what all OW should pay careful attention to.

 

Why in god's name would you begin to believe the lies of a liar? Of course he forgot everything he ever said to you, that's because everything he said to you was meaningless. It was just talk to get into your pants and to string you along.

 

Talk is cheap. Say it again. Talk is cheap.

 

Now isn't it silly to even think that a married man can make a promise to you? He isn't in a position to make promises, he's got a wife.

 

I think if the OW would remember that all the sweet talk coming from her boyfriend's lips is unmitigated bullsh#t, they wouldn't find themselves wondering how he could lie to them.

 

He's a liar, that's what he does. Don't forget it.

 

 

I know that.But he left and had gotten an attorney and was ready to sign the papers and just changed last minute.

[TexasSadGirl]

Thes types of guys say and promise a lot of things that I believe they really feel in the moment. I don't think they say stuff just to lie, I honestly believe they feel it in the moment. Thing is though when they step away and reality sinks in of how he has handled all the other aspect of his life the remorse sets in and that seems to weigh out more. The problem with these guys is not so much what they say but not knowing when to quit. They keep verbalizing what is going on in their hearts not taking into account what is happening in their conscience and in this respect they are dishonest, they are dishonest because they lie saying they are ready to move on or have dealt with their issues when they actually have a ton of loose ends they still need to fix.

 

In that respect the responsibility is ours to not take everything they say so at face value, but the sad reality is that this knowledge and insight only comes after the fact. God only knows I did not see this while I was there, I really was naive enough to think he could very well be ready to move on, and I think this might have been your case too Texas, when your guy made you so many promises in the moment.

 

It's very easy to fall for that.

 

- OpenBook ;-)

 

 

Thank you. I am hurting so bad right now.I do not know how to get over it. I feel used and yet I still have feelings and I cant let go.Maybe I need therapy.Or some pills to stop the mind from dwelling or feeling.I feel like my heart is going to explode sometimes..

[Tomcat33]

There. A post that offers insight and "tough love" but doesn't judge or criticize. I don't mind these types of posts.

 

Instead of us fighting with each other, we should all just gang up and fight with him!

 

 

was gonna point out the same thing, good for you IO you do have it in you to voice your thoughts in a constructive way!!

 

I agree HE is the one we should be bashing afterall HE is the one who holds the key to either woman's future. Whether the women decide to leave him or not is a different story but typically it is he who holds the power (in his head in secret) at the height of both simultaneous rels.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I know that.But he left and had gotten an attorney and was ready to sign the papers and just changed last minute.

 

I've heard men like this called TOW Dippers. It isn't an unusual phenomena.

[Tomcat33]

Thank you. I am hurting so bad right now.I do not know how to get over it. I feel used and yet I still have feelings and I cant let go.Maybe I need therapy.Or some pills to stop the mind from dwelling or feeling.I feel like my heart is going to explode sometimes..

 

I know how you feel. It is hard, very hard. You are at the worst point now, you have so many unanswered questions things don't make sense you feel the shock of the rel ending like you lost a loved one to death, it is EXTREMELY hard. and all you can think of is and he gets to move on as if nothing. Let me assure you he doesn't as if nothing, and I can bet ANYTHING you want in a few months he'll come sniffing around again. It is rarely a clean break even if he decideds to do it, especially if he is being pulled by his W and the therapist, he is following suit. He will come back sniffing around, question is, why would want him back after the way he hurt you like this?

 

Right now all I can recommend is to ride it out, you cannot escape the pain, you cannot avoid it and doing so will only stunt you further. Cry all you need to and make sure to be around people who love you and care about you. I remember the time mine decided to go back to his W and left me with not explanation (lasted a month then came crawling back to me begging me to take him back) I was so devestated I stayed in bed prob for 4 days straight bawlling my eyes out and playing back the whole thing over and over and over in my head. My family had to come and stay with me for a few days because I was a real mess. But let me tell you in time it did get better, the sadness turned into anger and the anger turned into revlelation and the revelation was my saviour .You are not there yet and won't be for a bit, it's ok and you never know how things will turn in the months to come.

 

In my case he came around and offered me all the answers I needed and to the point where I wanted nothing more to do with him, I used him for his insight into his own pain and suffering and that was good enough for me to move on. Maybe that will happen to you too I'm not sure what you will need in the time to come to get on with your life or how things will pan out.

 

 

Right now all you can do is take care of yourself, in a few days weeks when you start to accept a little better think of him in a bad light I know it sounds silly but it's the trick thoughts that are most painful you tend to dwell on the good and make your pain even deeper.

I would refrain from pursuing him if I were you, you will only cause yourself more pain in the long run even after the instant gratification of seeing/hearing from him for a short while. Let him feel or absense, let him not know about you or about what you are thinking feeling. There are a ton of threads here where you can find cheaters confessing their minds torture them when they don't know much about the exOW, it's human nature, you want what you cannot have. If you want to torment him let him wonder about you, and he will he absolutely will, there is no way a human being can go hot an cold like that in the heart, even if he does in actions.

 

I'm sorry, I feel your pain.

[TexasSadGirl]

I know how you feel. It is hard, very hard. You are at the worst point now, you have so many unanswered questions things don't make sense you feel the shock of the rel ending like you lost a loved one to death, it is EXTREMELY hard. and all you can think of is and he gets to move on as if nothing. Let me assure you he doesn't as if nothing, and I can bet ANYTHING you want in a few months he'll come sniffing around again. It is rarely a clean break even if he decideds to do it, especially if he is being pulled by his W and the therapist, he is following suit. He will come back sniffing around, question is, why would want him back after the way he hurt you like this?

 

Right now all I can recommend is to ride it out, you cannot escape the pain, you cannot avoid it and doing so will only stunt you further. Cry all you need to and make sure to be around people who love you and care about you. I remember the time mine decided to go back to his W and left me with not explanation (lasted a month then came crawling back to me begging me to take him back) I was so devestated I stayed in bed prob for 4 days straight bawlling my eyes out and playing back the whole thing over and over and over in my head. My family had to come and stay with me for a few days because I was a real mess. But let me tell you in time it did get better, the sadness turned into anger and the anger turned into revlelation and the revelation was my saviour .You are not there yet and won't be for a bit, it's ok and you never know how things will turn in the months to come.

 

In my case he came around and offered me all the answers I needed and to the point where I wanted nothing more to do with him, I used him for his insight into his own pain and suffering and that was good enough for me to move on. Maybe that will happen to you too I'm not sure what you will need in the time to come to get on with your life or how things will pan out.

 

 

Right now all you can do is take care of yourself, in a few days weeks when you start to accept a little better think of him in a bad light I know it sounds silly but it's the trick thoughts that are most painful you tend to dwell on the good and make your pain even deeper.

I would refrain from pursuing him if I were you, you will only cause yourself more pain in the long run even after the instant gratification of seeing/hearing from him for a short while. Let him feel or absense, let him not know about you or about what you are thinking feeling. There are a ton of threads here where you can find cheaters confessing their minds torture them when they don't know much about the exOW, it's human nature, you want what you cannot have. If you want to torment him let him wonder about you, and he will he absolutely will, there is no way a human being can go hot an cold like that in the heart, even if he does in actions.

 

I'm sorry, I feel your pain.

 

 

 

I thank you for taking the time to tell me your story.It feels good knowing there are others like me out there. He emailed me back today and tells me we can get together at work at lunch this upcoming week and see each other.I,like an idiot,gave him some provoacative pics of myself awhile ago saying since I cant see you everyday right now,here this is for you.He sent me pics of him taken at his desk and wants to take dirty pics together so he has something to look at.He says the W is leaving town this T and returning Th and we can see each other at work for an hour or so.

 

It hurts so much knowing that when he left his W to be with me and when he spent all that time with me and persuing me and when I went home after spending days with him ,he was actually sad and miserable at the end of the day when I woudl leave to go home.

 

Now I am the one sad and waiting and heartbroken when he leaves.

 

I keep thinking maybe if I write a letter telling him my feelings about what hes done to me and how Im feeling such horrible pain and that meeting once a week like this to make out and these few emails everyday are killing me.It went from attention 24/7 to an hour a week. It was my idea to remain friends because I just wanted to keep him in my life somehow.But I cant be friends.Its too hard.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I keep thinking maybe if I write a letter telling him my feelings about what hes done to me and how Im feeling such horrible pain and that meeting once a week like this to make out and these few emails everyday are killing me.

 

It is always good to share how you feel, and be open about it - however, this will not have the effect that you are hoping for. All it will do is make him feel that the pressure is on, and he will distance himself further as a result.

[TexasSadGirl]

Thank you for the TOW dipper information.Some of that totally applies.Especially the one that pulls out before the marriage is even over.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I thank you for taking the time to tell me your story.It feels good knowing there are others like me out there. He emailed me back today and tells me we can get together at work at lunch this upcoming week and see each other.I,like an idiot,gave him some provoacative pics of myself awhile ago saying since I cant see you everyday right now,here this is for you.He sent me pics of him taken at his desk and wants to take dirty pics together so he has something to look at.He says the W is leaving town this T and returning Th and we can see each other at work for an hour or so.

 

It hurts so much knowing that when he left his W to be with me and when he spent all that time with me and persuing me and when I went home after spending days with him ,he was actually sad and miserable at the end of the day when I woudl leave to go home.

 

Now I am the one sad and waiting and heartbroken when he leaves.

 

I keep thinking maybe if I write a letter telling him my feelings about what hes done to me and how Im feeling such horrible pain and that meeting once a week like this to make out and these few emails everyday are killing me.It went from attention 24/7 to an hour a week. It was my idea to remain friends because I just wanted to keep him in my life somehow.But I cant be friends.Its too hard.

 

Texas, write your letter and keep writing them to him. Say everything you want to say to him, how angry you are, all of the pain he has caused you, how you now feel about them. Then put the letters away safe in your house and keep them until you no longer need the reminder of how he has made you feel with his actions.

 

The letter is designed to gain empathy for you, for the pain he has caused in your life. But do you think he will really recognise your pain? He may try to empathise, but recognising your pain is like putting his hands up and saying "Yes, I've acted in a despicable way" and to be totally honest, your MM sounds pretty unable to have compassion for your situation.

 

His love for you should have allowed him to recognise your pain without you saying a thing. He didnt. He asked you for pictures of you together, which I think is unbelievably degrading for you.

 

Tomcat is right, it is extremely hard at this point. You really need to take care of yourself right now. Do you want to take these pictures or is it to please him? Because you need to think about yourself at this moment in time. Focus on taking back some control and abating the feeling of being used instead of dwelling on what he wants. Its what YOU want now!

[bish]

I doubt your posts have any affect apart from causing pain bestadvisor and I'm sorry that OW/OM come to this forum looking for support

 

And what support is it that they are looking for? Ideas on how to end things with a MM/MW? More times than not its looking for guidance on such things as "will he leave his wife and family for me"..yadda yadda yadda.

 

This poster even wanted an apology from MM for "breaking [her] heart".

Maybe if she apologizes to the W first for her role in the affair I would think she was then deserving of any apology from the MM.

[bish]

I am REALLY sick of these bitter BSs coming to our forum, hijacking our threads and trying to make us feel like we are the scum of the earth. I think we should just IGNORE them. Obviously us getting into these battles and trying to justify our existence as humans is not doing any freakin' good. So, if everyone is with me, why don't we just IGNORE them? Of course the BS's that actually offer respectful advice to us are welcome here.

 

Anyway, back to the issue at hand! Texas, I am really feeling your pain. The feelings of betrayal, hurt & anger that you must have probably feel like they are going to take your breath away?

 

Now she knows how the W felt/feels.

 

 

I really don't think that spending time analysing why MM has done what he has done will yield any answer different than he is down right selfish!!!

 

this is hypocritical....like sleeping with another woman's H isn't selfish?

 

 

The only advice I can offer you is that you have to cut this man out.

 

and this is exactly what anyone involved with a MM/MW needs to do.

[TexasSadGirl]

Bish is pretty harsh on me.Doesnt know the whole story.They all seem to blame the OW here and not the MM.Doesnt seem to make a differnce that he had moved out and filed for a diviorce. And thats the way I saw it until one night he up and left in the middle of the night and went back to the wife.

[whichwayisup]

And thats the way I saw it until one night he up and left in the middle of the night and went back to the wife.

 

And now knowing that, you have a choice to make. Either pick yourself up, go on with your life without him or continue to wait for him to change his mind and come back to you. Just know that if you 'wait' for him, you'll be wasting your own time, energy and life for a man who is very dishonest, who is a cheater and has had no problem lying to his wife and betraying his whole family. He isn't worth sticking around for, let alone crying over. Sadly, I doubt he's crying over you, so don't spend too much time crying over him.

[Tomcat33]

Bish is pretty harsh on me.Doesnt know the whole story.They all seem to blame the OW here and not the MM.Doesnt seem to make a differnce that he had moved out and filed for a diviorce. And thats the way I saw it until one night he up and left in the middle of the night and went back to the wife.

 

 

PLEASe PLEASE PLEASE whatever you do IGNORE him he gets a rise out of abusing all OW on this forum he is a known bully here and I am not sure why he is still around. I'm sorry I have to post this publicly but Texas you don't have PM functions yet so I am forced to tell you here.

He is one of the ones we urged you to pay no mind to he will say horrible things to get your all angry when you are already messed up. Ignore him and he goes away.

[bish]

I'm weary of it too, BA. The complete disregard for human pain astounds me sometimes.

 

LMFAO...oh you have got to be kidding? Affairs cause more pain than ANYTHING anyone can say in this forum...to the BS as well as any kids involved.

[bish]

Bish is pretty harsh on me.Doesnt know the whole story.

 

Even if you just "found" yourself nvolved with a MM and didn't know it, yet didn't do anything to cut that tumor out of your life, nothing would be different.

 

As far as your "whole" story...from what I understand, you slept with someone elses husband and didn't do anything to kick the ahole to the curb and kept your role going in the betrayal of his wife.

 

Thats all I need to know.

 

And I blame the MM more...but the MM isn't the one in this thread posting the story...you are.

[bish]

PLEASe PLEASE PLEASE whatever you do IGNORE him he gets a rise out of abusing all OW on this forum he is a known bully here and I am not sure why he is still around. I'm sorry I have to post this publicly but Texas you don't have PM functions yet so I am forced to tell you here.

He is one of the ones we urged you to pay no mind to he will say horrible things to get your all angry when you are already messed up. Ignore him and he goes away.

 

Spoken like the true defender of people who like to sleep with other people's spouses.