Author CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Caliguy, I'm glad you're going for it. If you've got a connection with someone, better to risk and experience life, rather than hide away and hope to meet the perfect person. Agreed. I would rather take a chance and fail than to never try at all. Much of what everyone is saying about the age gap is generally applicable. Only you can gauge whether she's mature enough for you, since the rest of us can only guess based on biological age differences. You will be guessing too, to an extent. Agreed as well. So far she's very mature and seems to have a good head on her shoulders. But only after spending some time together will the facts present themselves. Just be careful not to invest too much before you really know who she is but then, this cautionary is applicable to any relationship, regardless of biological age. Yep, that's my #1 priority. Keeping my enthisiasm at bay until I'm confident she is really who she appears to be. Once again, good luck. I do wish you the utmost happiness. It's always nice to hear happy stories on LS. Thanks. Bout time for me, eh?
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Thanks. Bout time for me, eh? Considering what a good-looking, confident guy like you has to offer, I'm shocked it's taken this long but then I understand being selective too. Why settle?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Considering what a good-looking, confident guy like you has to offer, I'm shocked it's taken this long but then I understand being selective too. Why settle? You're sweet
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I'm just happy to have found someone who shares so many of the same goals that I do in life. Especially our Christianity Good for you Caliguy.. you deserve to be happy and have worked very hard toward it..Congrats.. I bolded out the part that seems to me might important to you.. a match in religious views can be a very important thing to have as a priority.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 Good for you Caliguy.. you deserve to be happy and have worked very hard toward it..Congrats.. Thanks Art, that means a lot I bolded out the part that seems to me might important to you.. a match in religious views can be a very important thing to have as a priority. That was my #1 priority. If we don't see eye to eye on our faith the relationship won't work no matter how hard we try.
Krytie TV Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 That was my #1 priority. If we don't see eye to eye on our faith the relationship won't work no matter how hard we try. My only observation here is that you keep saying that she is a mature 21-yr old. However, my impression is that that's just lip service. We all say things like that about people we just start dating. We don't necessarily say it because it's true, but rather because we want it to be true. It helps you to feel better to believe that. I think you just might find after a month that she's just an everyday 21 year old. Not profound, not exceptionally grounded and learned... just a 21 year old with a lot to learn. I personally could not reconcile the dissonance I would have dating someone that young, even at 33. But it's obvious you are wanting it, so good luck to ya.
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 she is a mature 21-yr old. With that being said - Just let her BE the 21 year woman she's meant to be. You've been around the block afew more times than her, sure, there are things in life, responsibilties, situations that haven't happened to her (yet) and if she is as mature as you say she is, she'll grow in a positive way no matter what the experience is. If you're OK with that, then things will go along as they should in a good way.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 With that being said - Just let her BE the 21 year woman she's meant to be. You've been around the block afew more times than her, sure, there are things in life, responsibilties, situations that haven't happened to her (yet) and if she is as mature as you say she is, she'll grow in a positive way no matter what the experience is. If you're OK with that, then things will go along as they should in a good way. Definitely agree. She needs to experience life without much "interference" from me at all. I'm not into "fixing" my significant other, having learned that it only leads to a broken relationship. All I can say is what I have seen from her so far is positive. Again she has many of the qualities I would be seeking in a significant other, regardless of their age. And I'd be lying if I said the age didn't bother me. I do have some concerns which is why I want to take things slow and see where things lead. I know for a fact that relationships that start off with a bang often end up in a bang. So with that in mind, and the lessons from my past, I plan on just going with the flow and seeing where things lead. It's better to keep my expectations low and be pleasantly surprised than keep them high and be easily disappointed, eh?
Replicant Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Thoughts? I think you might be putting a lot of your own advice to the test in the future. The flake out factor is definitely very high with girls in their early 20's fresh out of school, they haven't done or experienced as much regarding major things in life such as career, independence, life, love etc etc... as say you have at 38 (in the back of your mind you surely know this stuff) which would lead me to believe you must see red flags if you even think long term. She may be all wild and starry eyed riding that rush dating an older guy naturally even if she has a good head on her shoulders for her age, but more often than not that wont last. I could not put a 20 year old on par with someone of 38 in terms of maturity and life experiences. Of course if it does work out long term then bonus!
Lishy Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Congrats CG!!!!! I am very pleased that you have met someone you connect with! I wish you every happiness and I mean that sincerely!!!!!!!!! But Back to your question about the age difference ....... I do not mean to offend in any way, shape or form, but, it makes me feel a bit icky that you are dating a girl who is young enough to be your own daughter! A 38 year old with a 21 year old is (in my eyes) a bit wrong .... When you left high school she had just been born, when you could drive she was in her mothers belly .... Its all just too weird in my eyes. I do wish you every happiness honey and I am sorry if I offended you ........ And if it should all go wrong then you can always do ::cough cough:: no contact!!!!!!!! xx
Author CaliGuy Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Not offended at all Lishy. If you saw us out and about I don't think anyone would bat an eye. Funny because my last s/o was 8 years younger and people thought she was older than me.
Sassy Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 And she's much younger than I am. I bring this up because she is very mature for her age and we both share the same faith, same goals, etc. She seems like a very, very good match. But....she's only 21. I'm 38. That's a huge age gap. I'm not so concerned with it. Even her parents are OK with it (her dad is divorced and dating someone much younger as well). Thought I'd put this out there knowing that some people are going to criticize it. But I wanted to know from men who have dated younger women what are some things I should keep in mind. She's not a party girl, FWIW. She independent, has her own place, is finishing up college, works full time and like I said, is as strong in her faith as I am. Thoughts? Sounds like she knows what she wants in life!! I am happy for you . Age is just a number in my book. As long as your happy who cares what people think .It is your life ..
Lishy Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I wish you every happiness CG - Keep us informed hon xx
Fallen_Angel Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I know I'm a little behind - congrats! You definitely deserve this. As far as the age difference is concerned, you did mention she has her own place and works full time, which is far more accomplished than I was at 21. Nor can I think of any 21 year olds I know personally who can say that! So that definitely bodes well for the two of you. Through a friend of mine I met a girl who recently turned 21 and is dating a guy who I believe is close to 30. They broke up for a short time during the summer, seemingly for her to get the "I just turned 21" shenanigans out of her system, then reconciled. Surely it's already been mentioned - the most important thing is how you feel, and how compatible you think the two of you are, regardless of age.
annabelle75 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Good for you. Have fun I'm 32 and my bf is 25. I prefer to not think of him as young and inexperinced. Just a little bit newer and with a lot less baggage.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 She's young but not naive or dumb. Very intelligent and just really great to be around. We think a lot alike and that makes things so much easier
Touche Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 She's young but not naive or dumb. Very intelligent and just really great to be around. We think a lot alike and that makes things so much easier Did you know that my ex husband was 19 years older than I was?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Did you know that my ex husband was 19 years older than I was? Ex? D'OH
Touche Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Ex? D'OH yes, CG..it really doesn't mean anything though...but in the end, it was bad. It was really bad. He always thought he knew better than I did. And he was probably right. I made a big mistake in marrying a man who was so much older than I was. I hope that things turn out different for the two of youl
dropdeadlegs Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Can't help my curiosity, but where did you meet? At church perchance? Having the same goals as far as: 1) Money - both the spending and saving of it. 2) Children - to have or not to have, how many, and how to raise. 3) Lifestyle - keeping up with the Jones' or scrimping for the future. 4) Religion - the same basic beliefs help, although differences can be tolerated by some. Those are the basics for me, not in any particular order. All can transcend age. My experiences with the much younger (few, I admit) didn't bode well on most of those basics. I may be jaded due to my own experiences, but still believe that you know what's best for you.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 Can't help my curiosity, but where did you meet? At church perchance? Work. Yes, I know, bad idea but she works in another building, in a completely different department and I rarely see her (if at all) during work hours. Having the same goals as far as: 1) Money - both the spending and saving of it. 2) Children - to have or not to have, how many, and how to raise. 3) Lifestyle - keeping up with the Jones' or scrimping for the future. 4) Religion - the same basic beliefs help, although differences can be tolerated by some. Those are the basics for me, not in any particular order. All can transcend age. My experiences with the much younger (few, I admit) didn't bode well on most of those basics. I may be jaded due to my own experiences, but still believe that you know what's best for you. Yes on all four points. It's uncanny how we see eye to eye on just about everything.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2007 Author Posted September 27, 2007 yes, CG..it really doesn't mean anything though...but in the end, it was bad. It was really bad. He always thought he knew better than I did. And he was probably right. I made a big mistake in marrying a man who was so much older than I was. I hope that things turn out different for the two of youl Well I hope things don't turn out that way for us. I certainly don't treat her like a child and spend more time listening than I do talking
Touche Posted September 27, 2007 Posted September 27, 2007 Well I hope things don't turn out that way for us. I certainly don't treat her like a child and spend more time listening than I do talking Well that's good. You must be willing to see her as your equal and it sounds like you do.
Krytie TV Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 You're so transparent Star. You ask this purely out of vindictiveness
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