So I'm seeing someone :)

[johan]

EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. You're my friend.

[shadowplay]

I'm actually happy for you, and slightly envious. But this thread is typical for you: you post a story and feign interest in people's opinions. You don't care what anyone thinks at all, you just defend yourself from those who say anything contrary to the decision you've made.

 

I don't understand it completely. You and that guy Darkzen have that in common. And you respond to each and every negative response in order to keep the argument alive. You don't even give any dissenters credit for having any points at all. You don't even say maybe you'll give it some thought. You just shaft them, because you've predetermined their wrongness just by virtue of the fact that they've disagreed with you.

 

The conversation goes a bit like this:

 

YOU: "I've got this odd thing going on. What does everyone think?"

PERSON1: "I don't really think it's right, and here are my reasons..."

YOU: "I don't really care what you think. But I'm responding to keep you going."

PERSON2: "I think it's great."

YOU: "EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. You're my friend."

 

I know how you'll respond to this, if you even bother. You'll probably ignore it, because you're so secure and unflappable.

 

ANYwayyy.... good for you! I think it's great.

 

you're hilarious and smart. *sigh*

[Citizen Erased]

EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. You're my friend.

 

With benefits?

[CaliGuy]

I'm actually happy for you, and slightly envious. But this thread is typical for you: you post a story and feign interest in people's opinions. You don't care what anyone thinks at all, you just defend yourself from those who say anything contrary to the decision you've made.

 

I don't understand it completely. You and that guy Darkzen have that in common. And you respond to each and every negative response in order to keep the argument alive. You don't even give any dissenters credit for having any points at all. You don't even say maybe you'll give it some thought. You just shaft them, because you've predetermined their wrongness just by virtue of the fact that they've disagreed with you.

 

The conversation goes a bit like this:

 

YOU: "I've got this odd thing going on. What does everyone think?"

PERSON1: "I don't really think it's right, and here are my reasons..."

YOU: "I don't really care what you think. But I'm responding to keep you going."

PERSON2: "I think it's great."

YOU: "EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. You're my friend."

 

Actually read back through the thread. Nowhere did I ask for approval. I just asked for opinions from people in similar situations. Rarely, if ever, do I post asking for approval. I ask for opinions, but you are well aware that opinions are worth about what you pay for them -- and no two situations are exactly alike

 

I know how you'll respond to this, if you even bother. You'll probably ignore it, because you're so secure and unflappable.

 

ANYwayyy.... good for you! I think it's great.

 

Thanks We'll see where this goes. I'm not putting a ton of stock into it. We still have a lot to learn about each other.

[CaliGuy]

With benefits?

 

Perv haha.

[Citizen Erased]

you're hilarious and smart. *sigh*

 

HANDS OFF HE'S MINE

 

rofl

[shadowplay]

HANDS OFF HE'S MINE

 

rofl

 

LOL...sadly, he's neither of ours. Just an intangible green giant thingy.

[dropdeadlegs]

You seem to be having doubts both in your OP and in your willingness to see where things will go. I can't imagine, from my point of view of course, attraction in someone so much younger. I can imagine physical attraction, just not long term attraction/success.

 

To change the numbers, I would be 42 and the interest would be 25. I would, personally, dismiss the interest as too young, even sexually.

 

Technically I could be his mother.

 

However, I will give you my best hopes. It could work and only in being in the situation would I be able to know if that was possible.

 

I grew leaps and bounds between 20 and 28. I grew more leaps and bounds between 28 and 38. (I may grow further, but haven't so far.)

 

But, that's just me.

 

You know I love you and wish you nothing but happiness, Caliguy! (Or you know now.)

[CaliGuy]

You seem to be having doubts both in your OP and in your willingness to see where things will go. I can't imagine, from my point of view of course, attraction in someone so much younger. I can imagine physical attraction, just not long term attraction/success.

 

To change the numbers, I would be 42 and the interest would be 25. I would, personally, dismiss the interest as too young, even sexually.

 

Technically I could be his mother.

 

However, I will give you my best hopes. It could work and only in being in the situation would I be able to know if that was possible.

 

I grew leaps and bounds between 20 and 28. I grew more leaps and bounds between 28 and 38. (I may grow further, but haven't so far.)

 

But, that's just me.

 

You know I love you and wish you nothing but happiness, Caliguy! (Or you know now.)

 

Doensn't that mean, then, that throughout a relationship (our entire lives for that matter), regardless of age, we all grow and change? If that's true then age isn't the determining factor at all.

 

Something to chew on I suppose.

 

And thanks for the kind words. I suppose it doesn't matter that I look extremely young for my age???

[dropdeadlegs]

Doensn't that mean, then, that throughout a relationship (our entire lives for that matter), regardless of age, we all grow and change? If that's true then age isn't the determining factor at all.

Yes, I like to believe that we do.

 

I can only speak from personal experience.

 

Had I met someone like you at an early age I might still be married to him. Then again, I might not. I'll never know.

 

As I alluded to before, only one in the relationship can ascertain how things will work out.

 

Because I like you, and care about you as much as an anonymous forum allows, I DO hope this works out and that she is everything you need/want.

 

In other words, I hope that she is as grown up, and that the two of you can continue to grow at a like pace. Any relationship must pass that test of time.

 

On a side note (unquoted,) your youthful appearance only matters as much as it matters to you and her. I am well aware of it.

[mental_traveller]

Rupert Murdoch impregnating a 30-something is a huge age gap.

 

Caliguy dating a mature 21 year old is not.

[mental_traveller]

I'm glad you met someone you like, CC. That said....

 

This isn't a criticism, this is simply a fact: this is way too huge of a gap at the wrong time in HER life.

 

How do you know, where's your evidence to support this "fact"? Plenty of people have got married with that age difference or greater, and lived happily ever after.

[CaliGuy]

Yes, I like to believe that we do.

 

I can only speak from personal experience.

 

Had I met someone like you at an early age I might still be married to him. Then again, I might not. I'll never know.

 

As I alluded to before, only one in the relationship can ascertain how things will work out.

 

Because I like you, and care about you as much as an anonymous forum allows, I DO hope this works out and that she is everything you need/want.

 

In other words, I hope that she is as grown up, and that the two of you can continue to grow at a like pace. Any relationship must pass that test of time.

 

On a side note (unquoted,) your youthful appearance only matters as much as it matters to you and her. I am well aware of it.

 

If you were here, I'd give you a big hug Thanks for the kind words and support.

 

Not just you, but everyone. Though I don't always agree with everyone, it doesn't mean I don't like them or their opinion is of no value.

 

Cheers

[daphne]

I suppose it doesn't matter that I look extremely young for my age???

 

No, it doesn't. My ex, who was 9 years younger, thought I was too young for him (he thought I was 21-22). It doesn't change anything. I thought he was mature and stable as well. Anyone in their 20's is going to have a lot of maturing to do.

[CaliGuy]

No, it doesn't. My ex, who was 9 years younger, thought I was too young for him (he thought I was 21-22). It doesn't change anything. I thought he was mature and stable as well. Anyone in their 20's is going to have a lot of maturing to do.

 

Never said they didn't. She does seem to be very mature for her age. Like I said, she isn't a party girl and holds strong to her faith. It's too early to tell right now. Only time will determine that.

 

I'm not running into this full speed. We've both agreed to take things slow.

[mental_traveller]

And that's what I gave you. Interestingly, you haven't addressed those points.

 

The fact of that matter is EVERY WOMAN changes between 21 and 30 in significant ways.

 

Guys change from 38 to 47 in pretty significant ways too. Or do you think life stops at 30?

 

Let me guess, you are younger than 31

[Star Gazer]

You know, I've been following this thread, and I gotta say...Johan's totally right. You're not outright asking for approval in your OP, but your responses to the rest of our posts belies the fact that approval is all you really want to hear.

 

If you really beleive what you're saying, namely, that "it's too early to tell" right now and "only time will tell", then why are you even here posting about this and asking for opinions in the first place?? If an opinion is worth "what you pay for it" and you just want time to shed light, then why do you care about the experiences of others??

 

Aren't you really here simply to confirm your own predetermined opinion on the matter?? This is a repeat pattern I'm noticing...

 

Truth is, you're not acknowledging the consensus here: that she will have a LOT of changing to do in the next decade of her life, period. Right now she's in a formative period, whereas you are not. Don't say, "I never said she wouldn't change" or "I never said she's not in a formative period in her life" - just acknowledge that she WILL change and that she IS in that formative period...because she is.

 

The question is whether or not YOU will be able to handle dealing with the roller coaster that comes along with this period in her life...

[Star Gazer]

Guys change from 38 to 47 in pretty significant ways too.

 

I think you're comparing apples and oranges (different stages of life). The majority of maturation occurs in ones 20's. I don't think you'll find a woman on this board who's over the age of 30 who would say that they didn't grow and change in significant ways in their 20's. Certainly change and growth occurs after that time, but in terms of "finding oneself" as a single person - that's all about the 20's, baby.

[CaliGuy]

You know, I've been following this thread, and I gotta say...Johan's totally right. You're not outright asking for approval in your OP, but your responses to the rest of our posts belies the fact that approval is all you really want to hear.

 

Negative, Ghostrider. The original question was:

 

Thought I'd put this out there knowing that some people are going to criticize it. But I wanted to know from men who have dated younger women what are some things I should keep in mind.

 

I can't see how that can be construed as asking for approval nor my replies. The approval part came when people started assuming my thoughts and feelings. I asked for some thoughts on what I should keep in mind given the age gap.

 

If you really beleive what you're saying, namely, that "it's too early to tell" right now and "only time will tell", then why are you even here posting about this and asking for opinions in the first place?? If an opinion is worth "what you pay for it" and you just want time to shed light, then why do you care about the experiences of others??

 

Umm, let's see, because I would like to keep a few things in mind as we're evaluating each other? That is the question I was asking.

 

Aren't you really here simply to confirm your own predetermined opinion on the matter?? This is a repeat pattern I'm noticing...

 

So you're saying it's NOT OK for me to have my own opinion on the matter? Who's opinion should I take? Is there one right opinion and the rest are wrong?

 

The reason my posts often go off on tangets like this are a few select people who want to play "Dr. Phil" online and second guess every single aspect of my life. Certain people who think they know exactly what I am thinking and that I have some kind of ulterior motive.

 

I simply asked a question to gather the experiences of those in similar situations. I don't remember asking for people to guess how I feel or to assume my intentions belay the question I originally asked. Not once.

 

Truth is, you're not acknowledging the consensus here: that she will have a LOT of changing to do in the next decade of her life, period. Right now she's in a formative period, whereas you are not. Don't say, "I never said she wouldn't change" or "I never said she's not in a formative period in her life" - just acknowledge that she WILL change and that she IS in that formative period...because she is.

 

I never said I disagreed with that assessment at all. And the truth is, I will continue to grow and change as well. I agree I am set into a certain pattern in my life and philisophy.

 

The question I asked is "What should I expect??" Where did I say I disagree with anyone? Since you are not privy to knowing her whereas I am, I think I'm in a position where I can speak to her maturity. There's nothing to say she will not change.

 

But, that can happen to anyone and ANY TIME, no? I don't think change is exclusive to age. I think the older you are the less you change, but you still change.

 

If it wasn't the case, there'd be no divorce and people would not grow apart.

 

The question is whether or not YOU will be able to handle dealing with the roller coaster that comes along with this period in her life...

 

Isn't that why I asked to hear from people who've been in similar relationships? Wasn't the point of this post to garner opinions on what I should expect in the relationship -- not whether I should or should not date her at all!? I think so

 

Cheers

[CaliGuy]

I think you're comparing apples and oranges (different stages of life). The majority of maturation occurs in ones 20's. I don't think you'll find a woman on this board who's over the age of 30 who would say that they didn't grow and change in significant ways in their 20's. Certainly change and growth occurs after that time, but in terms of "finding oneself" as a single person - that's all about the 20's, baby.

 

I don't disagree with this. I matured very late (34'ish to be exact). It wasn't until I hit 35 that I started to come into my own. When I was 20, the last thing I wanted to do was be married and have a family, nor did I have Christ in my life.

 

18 years later I am completely reborn. The man I should have been a long time ago. I don't know if she is going to change a little or a lot. I do agree she will change, but to what degree is anyone's guess.

 

As I get to know her I'll better be able to determine if she really is who she seems to be and she'll be able to do the same. As I said, we've both decided to take things slow, which I believe is the ideal way to start a new relationship.

 

Had we been bouncing around between the sheets I think we could have started things off on the wrong foot and neither of us want that. It doesn't jive with God's plan for either of us.

[johan]

With benefits?

 

Just lose the boyfriend...

 

you're hilarious and smart. *sigh*

 

You two are making me want to ask Tony to remove my "Dark Days" thread. Now I'm just having happy thoughts!

[Citizen Erased]

Just lose the boyfriend...

 

 

 

You two are making me want to ask Tony to remove my "Dark Days" thread. Now I'm just having happy thoughts!

 

Hey he never has to know

 

Any guy is a sucker for 2 girls fighting over him

 

lol I like your heart thats suddenly appeared

[Yamaha]

I suppose it doesn't matter that I look extremely young for my age???

 

 

I think this is the underlying reason you believe you can have a relationship with a 21 year old. If you looked your age she probably wouldn't have any interest ( even if you 2 clicked on many other levels ). The problem I see is that even if you look 28 the fact that she is 21 should be a huge barrier to you wanting a relationship with her ( even if she is very attractive ). I look young for my age and I have women in their 20's hitting on me all the time but I do not want to start anything with them because I feel the emotional difference is 2 great ( even though I am flattered by their attention ).

 

I think she might make a good friend to you but I think you see the sexual side and it has biased your perception of the situation.

[Trialbyfire]

Caliguy, I'm glad you're going for it. If you've got a connection with someone, better to risk and experience life, rather than hide away and hope to meet the perfect person.

 

Much of what everyone is saying about the age gap is generally applicable. Only you can gauge whether she's mature enough for you, since the rest of us can only guess based on biological age differences. You will be guessing too, to an extent.

 

Just be careful not to invest too much before you really know who she is but then, this cautionary is applicable to any relationship, regardless of biological age.

 

Once again, good luck. I do wish you the utmost happiness. It's always nice to hear happy stories on LS.

[CaliGuy]

I think this is the underlying reason you believe you can have a relationship with a 21 year old. If you looked your age she probably wouldn't have any interest ( even if you 2 clicked on many other levels ).

This is hard to say. She's attracted to who I am, not what I am, and that's extremely important to me.

The problem I see is that even if you look 28 the fact that she is 21 should be a huge barrier to you wanting a relationship with her ( even if she is very attractive ).

I'd be lying if I said her age didn't make me hesitate, but once we got to know each other and found we had so many philosophies in life in common, we think a lot alike and I could see her maturity did the attraction for each other really blossomed.

I look young for my age and I have women in their 20's hitting on me all the time but I do not want to start anything with them because I feel the emotional difference is 2 great ( even though I am flattered by their attention ).

That's just the thing. The more time I spend with her the more compatible we seem to be on an emotional level.

 

I think she might make a good friend to you but I think you see the sexual side and it has biased your perception of the situation.

Yamaha, I didn't have any sexual attraction to her until I got to know her. That's how I know things are different. In the past it's always been the other way (sexual attraction then emotional). We're both approaching this with caution as we know there could be road blocks.

I hear what you are saying and I appreciate your input. Right now we're still getting to know each other. The difference is if I see any waving red flags, I will heed them. I'm trying to take this as slow as possible because the last thing I want to do is let my emotions take over and have a repeat episode of the last relationship.

I've learned a ton over the past couple years and will put in practice the lessons of the past.

Cheers!