CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 And she's much younger than I am. I bring this up because she is very mature for her age and we both share the same faith, same goals, etc. She seems like a very, very good match. But....she's only 21. I'm 38. That's a huge age gap. I'm not so concerned with it. Even her parents are OK with it (her dad is divorced and dating someone much younger as well). Thought I'd put this out there knowing that some people are going to criticize it. But I wanted to know from men who have dated younger women what are some things I should keep in mind. She's not a party girl, FWIW. She independent, has her own place, is finishing up college, works full time and like I said, is as strong in her faith as I am. Thoughts?
analyseThis Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 good for u. I know couples who have 10+ years difference between them and they have made it work People who put stipulation on age sometimes are just depriving themselves of an experience and a chance at happiness Again good for you and her; hopefully things work out for you guys
kymberann Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Good for you! I am 38 and dating a guy 32. It does not seem to make a difference. In fact everything else BUT our age seems to come up! Best!
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'll just do my normal reit of stage in life versus age in life. If the two of you share the same value systems and have the same goals in life, does the age gap matter? I will caution you that many under 25 are still making substantial changes within themselves, in the quest to find who they are, but there is the unusual person who is so well-grounded that they're already where most 40 year-olds only hope to be. With that said, I'm happy for you, that you've found someone who you feel is right for you. Good luck.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'm glad you met someone you like, CC. That said.... This isn't a criticism, this is simply a fact: this is way too huge of a gap at the wrong time in HER life. If she was 31 and you 48, not a big deal at all. But the majority of her growth into HERSELF will happen in the next 9 years. How long has she even been dating as an adult? Three years? You've got 20 years of experience over her, and that WILL create problems. Unless her faith is SO strong that she's the type who's a virgin and wants to marry before having sex (and marry early, at that), you're in for quite a roller coaster while she figures "life" out (and even then there's a huge risk).
Izzy B Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I am 38 years old and I wouldn't want to date someone 17 years older, ick. When she is 38 and you are 55....I think she'll be regretting her decision if you two end up married, lol. I know you're going to say "I am in great shape, I look 10 years younger, etc. etc. etc." I think when she meets some one her own age who is wonderful, she will drop you like a hot potato, I just don't see what she would see in a guy 17 years older. Ick.
Yamaha Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I have dated younger women and it hasn't been a real problem. Younger women like older men and older men like younger women. I would take your time and don't get to emotionally attached. Just have some fun and get to know each other.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I tried to add this to my last post, but couldn't. I really don't believe that there are 21 year old girls walking around with the maturity level of a 30, 35, or 38 year old UNLESS she has experienced some serious hardships as a child/teenager that made her "grow up quickly." However, even in that situation, drama will follow because someday she'll wakeup and realize she never really "got to be a kid" or a carefree 20-something, and will want to exercise that opportunity later in life: her late 20's, her 30's, etc., and you won't be factored into that decision. If you're willing to take that risk, have at it.
IpAncA Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Not object to what anyone's said I "grew up fast" myself and that caused me to take interest in older men because they were on my maturity level. BUT I was still trying to figure somethings out. However, even in that situation, drama will follow because someday she'll wakeup and realize she never really "got to be a kid" or a carefree 20-something, and will want to exercise that opportunity later in life: her late 20's, her 30's, etc., and you won't be factored into that decision. Agreed. I know someone who's doing that now.
marlena Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'm glad you met someone you like, CC. That said.... This isn't a criticism, this is simply a fact: this is way too huge of a gap at the wrong time in HER life. If she was 31 and you 48, not a big deal at all. But the majority of her growth into HERSELF will happen in the next 9 years. How long has she even been dating as an adult? Three years? You've got 20 years of experience over her, and that WILL create problems. Unless her faith is SO strong that she's the type who's a virgin and wants to marry before having sex (and marry early, at that), you're in for quite a roller coaster while she figures "life" out (and even then there's a huge risk). Wonderful analysis, SG! Cali, I am very happy for you but SG has made some undeniably good points! I have a twenty- three year old daughter who has always been very mature for her years. She has accomplished what most people don't do in a lifetime. She graduated from Law School with honors and is now doing her Master's Degree in Spain in European Law whilst working for an internation E.U. organization on human rights and minority gorups. Still, as her mother and as an experienced adult, I know, like SG noted, that a great amount of her inner growth (i.e. change) will take place in the next ten years of her life. I see her volatile ways which are nothing more and nothing less than her search for herself and her goals. My question is: Could you possibly be on the same page, let's day ten years from now? I do not in any way mean to put a damper on your happiness. Just some food for thought.
birdie Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 someday she'll wakeup and realize she never really "got to be a kid" or a carefree 20-something, and will want to exercise that opportunity later in life: her late 20's, her 30's, etc., and you won't be factored into that decision. 100% agreed, it is exactly what happened to me. when I was 21 I thought I could commit to a life-long relationship (ie marriage) and realised by the time I was in my late 20s that I developed into a very different person and grew away from my partner. it's not the age gap, it's the fact that she is 21. no way she knows what she wants from life, she is not a woman yet, only a girl
johan Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Well, all I have to say is THIS time don't give the girl your url. I don't think any of us can afford to go through that again.
birdie Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Well, all I have to say is THIS time don't give the girl your url. I don't think any of us can afford to go through that again.
AriaIncognito Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 It's funny you should mention this because just last night I was talking to someone I know and he said that when he met his wife, she was 18 and he was 30. He said that it was really weird for a while because she still had to "grow up" so to speak. Experience life and all that. He also said that now that she's 40 and he's 52 it makes little difference. He said it was hard for her parents to accept at first. He said that the instant he saw her, he knew she was "the one". Just like that. He said he had given up on the idea that there could be someone for him. And then finally at 30, there she was. It can work out at all ages, just depends on the mental age of the people moreso than the physical age, and obviously how compatible you are in other areas in general.
Izzy B Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 :laugh: Well, this could actually be the moment he's been waiting for, revenge. Put a pic of his 21 year old woman and say "everyone, meet meet my 21-year-old serious girlfriend Stacy (or insert whatever her name is). She is finishing up college and she is into yoga and dancing in her spare time." Hopefully the ex will get on the site again. TEE HEE.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Haha, you guys I love ya all! It's just at the beginning stages. So far everything seems great but time will tell. Neither of us are in hurry to rush into anything. We'll both take a lot of time to evaluate each other. I'm well aware that she could change over time. So could I. You never know. It's a little too early to talk about the long term. I'm just happy to have found someone who shares so many of the same goals that I do in life. Especially our Christianity
Author CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Well, this could actually be the moment he's been waiting for, revenge. Put a pic of his 21 year old woman and say "everyone, meet meet my 21-year-old serious girlfriend Stacy (or insert whatever her name is). She is finishing up college and she is into yoga and dancing in her spare time." Hopefully the ex will get on the site again. TEE HEE. She's very attractive, I don't think I mentioned that
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Haha, you guys I love ya all! It's just at the beginning stages. So far everything seems great but time will tell. Neither of us are in hurry to rush into anything. We'll both take a lot of time to evaluate each other. I'm well aware that she could change over time. So could I. You never know. It's a little too early to talk about the long term. I'm just happy to have found someone who shares so many of the same goals that I do in life. Especially our Christianity Then why are you here posting about it, if you're not hoping for something for the long term, eh? "It's too early" and "I've found someone" don't fit well together.
IpAncA Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'm well aware that she could change over time. So could I. You never know. It's a little too early to talk about the long term. I'm just happy to have found someone who shares so many of the same goals that I do in life. Especially our Christianity Isn't it nice when things line up...values/goals/morals/etc..? Less problems.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Then why are you here posting about it, if you're not hoping for something for the long term, eh? "It's too early" and "I've found someone" don't fit well together. Haha. You forget the rest of "I've found someone" - "who shares the same goals..." That's a nice change of pace.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Isn't it nice when things line up...values/goals/morals/etc..? Less problems. Absolutely! She's definitely got a good head on her shoulders. At least as far as I can tell so far. I've known her for a few months and we've been out on a few dates. The attraction for each other is definitely there as well.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Haha. You forget the rest of "I've found someone" - "who shares the same goals..." That's a nice change of pace. I didn't need to include the second half of the phrase. The very phrase "I've found someone" carries hope, and most importantly, expectation of a future, which does not match your laissez-faire attitude, or the fact you're posting here for confirmation of your decision to continue dating her.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 I didn't need to include the second half of the phrase. The very phrase "I've found someone" carries hope, and most importantly, expectation of a future, which does not match your laissez-faire attitude, or the fact you're posting here for confirmation of your decision to continue dating her. Maybe so. Like I said, we'll see where it goes. I'm more or less interested in opinions on the age difference.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Maybe so. Like I said, we'll see where it goes. I'm more or less interested in opinions on the age difference. And that's what I gave you. Interestingly, you haven't addressed those points. The fact of that matter is EVERY WOMAN changes between 21 and 30 in significant ways. It's not a matter of IF she will change, but when. You're 38 - you've already come in to yourself and have figured out who YOU are. She hasn't, and when she does, I can almost guarantee you it will be a faint vision of what she is now.
garnet Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Cali, I'm divided on the age thing. I agree that she still has a lot of growing up to do, and therefore the odds for long term may not be in your favor. BUT, that doesn't mean that it couldn't work. There are plenty of stories out there that prove this to be the case. I think it really depends on the two people. Have you seen the movie "once" that's out right now? The two musicians who star in the movie are a couple in real life (at least so I've read). He is 38, and she is 19. The numbers themselves sound strange and maybe a little icky...but when you see them together, somehow it makes perfect sense.
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