marlena Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 break NC? Ugh! Here, you have been clawing at your own flesh for weeks just to refrain from calling, texting, emailing and doing a good job of it. And just when you are moving on, happy with and proud of yourself for having the strength to extricate yourself from a bad situation and BOOM, they start calling. My ex called three times. Each and every time I was polite but remote and never returned his calls. Yesterday he emailed me! He's trying to suck me in again and I hate it. Why don't these people realize the damage they have done and just stay away? What motivates them to do this? It's not the sex here (it hardly existed). I think he is just lonely and misses all the attention I used to give him. Oe ego? He can't stand the thought I don't give a damn anymore? How do you feel when this happens to you? And how do you respond or not respond as the case may be?
garnet Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 His actions are motivated by selfishness, pure and simple. All the more reason to feel good that you're no longer with him. This has happened to me before too. Have you told him that you no longer wish to hear from him? If not, that's what you should do. If he's a decent person, he will leave you alone. If he persists after that, do not answer his calls or return emails, period.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Why don't these people realize the damage they have done and just stay away? Because they can. I swear exes have an uncanny sense of when you're ready to move on. What motivates them to do this? It's not the sex here (it hardly existed). I think he is just lonely and misses all the attention I used to give him. Oe ego? All of the above or any combination thereof. He can't stand the thought I don't give a damn anymore? Very likely. How do you feel when this happens to you? It depends on the perp. And how do you respond or not respond as the case may be? It depends on whether I feel they're worth a friendship or not. Second chances never work so I've never bothered with them.
knaveman Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Disconnect for a while. If you don't answer him for a week or more he should stop calling. If not you can laugh at him for being TERRIBLY pathetic. And that always feels good.
Author marlena Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Disconnect for a while. If you don't answer him for a week or more he should stop calling. If not you can laugh at him for being TERRIBLY pathetic. And that always feels good. Hi TB! Yes, they most certainly do have an uncanny nose for sniffing out when you are moving on and can't give a hoot in hell about them anymore. The primal instinct of the beast perhaps. They hate it when their overblown egos are deflated , don't they? But then again, egomaniacs never learn! You're right about it depending on the perp. Does he deserve my friendship? In the best written scenario, that is all he will get for I have zilch romantic feelings for him . Anyway, the first exit polls are negative. KNAVEMAN, Yes, there mostly certainly is a measure of satisfaction knowing that I have turned the tables on him this time. What goes round comes round as they say. GARNET, Yes, I have, I even told him I'm in a new relationship! I'll sit and hatch on this for a while. Not in a hurry at all my friends.
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Update, Yesterday I got in into my head to answer him . I know, I know. BAD. Well, I had had a few drinks with friends so I got home and was surfing through posts i here when I thought to myself. Hey, girl, you've been to nice to him/ So I answer and say. "I am well. Hope the same for you. No hard feelings but please do not contact me ever again because I do not want a friendship with someone who has lied, cheated and disrespected me." So today he writes back. His words so typical of who he is. He said that I was tough and unfair and that I was making a mistake. That he had asked me to call him because he wanted to hear my voice and confide a problem he was having and needed advice. He said in the finish that it seems that he is the only one who has no hard feelings. Readinh that I just shook my head, thinking," No guilty ones either. So once again he treid to turn the tables on me. Once again not even a sorry. Once again it is I who is making the mistake. No, he hasn't changed. They never do. Still I feel horrible as if I am back to day one of NC. Everytime he calls or emails me that's how it feels. I shouldn't feeling ANYTHING AT ALL however. Do I still have feelings for him? Probably. And he is making it SO hard. Any opinions on this? Did I do the right thing? Am I doing the right thing? I have given him a second and third chance in the past. It never worked. thanks
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 That he had asked me to call him because he wanted to hear my voice and confide a problem he was having and needed advice. marlena, this speaks volumes for who he is. Stay away from this man. He's completely self-absorbed and will suck the life out of you.
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 ΤΒ, Hi! Thanks fro the immediate reply. Yes, I know that is what the outcome would be if I were to allow him back into my life. I haven't seen him since May and have so far been able as politely as possible to dodge his attempts to suck me back in. Yesterday, I hust wasn't feely so Polite so to speak and so decided to answer his email letting him know that the reasons I wasn't responding to his attempts were that he had treated me disrespectfully. Do you think that he picked up on that? Hell, no. Not even an apology for being such a complete j*** and putting me through hell for months. Zilch accountability for his actions. So, it just shows once again what a j*** he is. It's my fault,yeah? Right? And the nerve to say he had no hard feelings!!! huh!!! Why should he? I always treated him so fairly and nicely. Nice try, buddy, I thought. But no, you are not turning this one around on me again. He only wishes I were that stupid!
underpants Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I agree with most of the opinions here. You do not owe him a friendship. You do not owe him a response nor help with his problems. Don't you just hate it when they turn it all around and plant little seeds of doubt about your motivations to stay away? All the while never acknowledging let alone apologizing for their part. The funny thing is, if they did that a friendship might be possible. However, what some people cannot do also shows character traits. Mine did a drive by last night blarring the horn...non stop. I guess his communication technique has been reduced to this level. You are not at day one. Just opening your eyes a bit. Refrain from responding if it hurts you.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 marlena, you've done the right thing by refusing to get sucked back in. It's something that's happened to me, as well. They will contact at unexpected times, if they need something from you or want to keep you on a string.
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 UP, Hi! Thanks for taking the time out to answer. I so agree. If he had come across clean and apologized in some way for his reprehensible behaviour I might have considered a friendship of sorts with him. I would have at least been happy to see that he had done some self - assessment in the five months we have been apart. But nothing. Not an ioata of remorse. Speaks volumes, doesn't it? And then I thought of all the wonderful friends I do have. They're friends because they are honest and loyal and unslefish. So I said to myself, No way Hoze!!! The image of your ex riding by tooting his horn was hilarious!!!! Let him toot it all he wants. Children must play as they say. Hugs!
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 marlena, you've done the right thing by refusing to get sucked back in. It's something that's happened to me, as well. They will contact at unexpected times, if they need something from you or want to keep you on a string. But we've smartened up, haven't we TBF? If they want a puppet on a string they can go looking elsewhere.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Haha...probably so with you but sometimes I wonder if I need my head examined...again... It can be an amusing little sidebar, as long as it doesn't hurt you.
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 No. I'm not as strong as I seem. I too have my weaker moments. When I do, I just lean on my MEMORY to give me a wake up call!!! That, and the fact that I do so want to break away from self-destructive patterns that have wreaked so much havoc and drama in my life before! But sometimes it just gets SO BORING being normal!! Ok! You're right! I'll look at the amusing side of it and relish in the satisfaction!!!
Herzen Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 TB (TinyBalls) is attempting to manipulate you, marlena. He knows he had you emotionally involved, at one point, and he's trying to "hook" you, again. I could use the usual labels--narcissistic, sociopathic, egomaniacal--but why bother. The bottom line: TB thrives on the "hunt," the "chase" and the kill. You're a trophy, girl. This Player couldn't care less about you as a woman, or human being. It's all about TB; and it will always be all about TB.
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 Herzen, mon cheri!!! So nice to see you again. TB (sounds like a disease, huh?) hasn't grown any since last year it seems!!! Don't worry, sweetie, I'm onto his antics so I am holding the fort so to speak. Not hard at all really. Once you've seen the ugly face behind the mask it all becomes so much easier! It's just that at times a feel sorry for the loser!!! I mean, let's face it!! He was handed a rotten deal with those TBs. I had a wonderful summer and am enjoying my marlena time tremendously! I like being single again ..for now.... Wish I could give you a real marlena hug!!! How are things with you, mon ami?
Herzen Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I would give my right arm for a real marlena hug, sweetie. Alas, all we have is text, but there's still a strong connection. Stay strong, resist the amoral tempter and get out and play. I don't want you to feel lonely and deprived. Heck, if we didn't live an ocean apart, I'd help you forget.
rocketpixie Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 marlena, I just wanted to say good for you that you saw through his manipulation techniques. Why don't these people realize the damage they have done and just stay away? Some people are completely incapable of seeing that they've done damage. They don't think their actions can possibly have negative consequences when they're getting what they want. Glad you're out of that situation. I'm sure he's sitting somewhere thinking how mean you are. Why won't you give him advice on his very important problem and conveniently forget all the harm he's done to you? After all, it was so long ago. He's over it, so why aren't you?!
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 I would give my right arm for a real marlena hug, sweetie. Alas, all we have is text, but there's still a strong connection. Stay strong, resist the amoral tempter and get out and play. I don't want you to feel lonely and deprived. Heck, if we didn't live an ocean apart, I'd help you forget. Herzen cheri, Knowing you, you could probably make me forget my own name!!!!!! As for the ocean apart thing, well, you just never know, do you? Huggng you!!
Author marlena Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 [ marlena, I just wanted to say good for you that you saw through his manipulation techniques. Some people are completely incapable of seeing that they've done damage. They don't think their actions can possibly have negative consequences when they're getting what they want. Glad you're out of that situation. I'm sure he's sitting somewhere thinking how mean you are. Why won't you give him advice on his very important problem and conveniently forget all the harm he's done to you? After all, it was so long ago. He's over it, so why aren't you?! Oh, yes, Pixie, it took me some time to see through his manipulative tactics as a lot of nice people in here know but I have. And it just won't wash this time!!! Yeah, the image of him sitting somewhere fuming over my is refusal to see what a wonderful catch he is TBs or no TBs) gave me a tickle!!!! Thanks for that! Hope he fumes 'til ...poof!!!!!!!!!! he goes up in smoke:rolleyes:
Recommended Posts