Hanny Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Hi, I've been with this girl for almost a year and a half now and I get the constant feeling of wanting to end the relationship. I am currently only 19 years old and in college. I have had no real girlfriends and romantic experience prior to this girl. I've actually tried to break it off twice in the past but it just looked like she was going to kill herself, which by the way she has tried to do in the past. She actually does not have any real friends whom she can go to for comfort so that in itself makes it harder for me to break it off. She has also told me that going on a break is the same as breaking up to her. Our relationship is actually going quite nicely. Like everyone we have our ups and downs. She really is a great and beautiful girl that I would want to marry in the future. But that's just it, I don't want to meet a girl I can marry right now. Like I said before, I have had no romantic experience before her while she has had many. She's also been cheated on a couple of times also. Anyway, despite my lack of confidence with women, I want to try out the dating scene a little bit more. Plus, having a girlfriend right now is quite stressful and it takes a lot of my time away from my school and social life. Basically, I just want to have fun right now. I know it sounds quite superficial, selfish, and like a typical dissatisfied guy, but I feel as if I'm married already. Also, I personally don't think that I'm even old enough and experienced enough to know what love really is. I do know that what I have with her is great and that I really want to be with her, but just not now. Sorry if the post was too long and boring, but thanks for reading anyway.
Curious139 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I think your attitude at 19 is mature and realistic. You are right. You are too young to be in a lifetime relationship, and your conscience is telling you that. I am also impressed that you care enough about your g/f that you don't want to hurt her or put her at risk. Few people on this site have such a caring ex although it certainly happens. My advice is to put in place some support for her before you break up. Is there a counselling service you can both go to? She needs support and maybe you have to be part of that afterwards - but be warned - that will be hard for her. Every time she sees or has contact with you, her pain can be refreshed. See if you can find some people to be friends for her. Not easy I know but you are thinking good thoughts and there will be a way. Best of luck.
carrotgirl Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'll take the other side of this query only because at your age I would have thought I was too young to make this decision. Ten years later, I'm thinking differently. Among some of my close friends are some couples who did choose to marry early. Some as early as 19. When I first met them I thought wow that's insane! My friends are college grads. They weren't having a babies at that age. They weren't compelled by religious beliefs. They are easily the happiest married couples or even dating couples I know. They fight like anyone else but there is an element of "I chose this for myself and I'm going to make it work" that I don't observe in couples who married at older ages. I think the key for any relationship at any time of life is choosing to make it work. My friends who married very young seem much more dedicated to their marriages. Carrot
Author Hanny Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Thanks for the replies guys. I see where your coming from carrotgirl and I don't know how many times I've told myself that. But the thing is that when I went into this relationship, I didn't expect it to move this fast and I especially did not expect it to be lifelong. Actually, I never expected to meet a girl I can marry in my entire lifetime at all. So it would be safe to say that this whole relationship has completely turned my world upside down. And also, I like the idea of getting help for her, but like you said it would be very hard. It would probably be kind of demeaning for her too though. personally, I wouldn't want anyone helping me make friends. It kind of gives me the feeling that people are pitying me.
Curious139 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Hanny - you'd need to be subtle about it so she wouldn't feel demeaned. Heck, people meet and are drawn into groups of new people all the time, especially at your age. Setting up a relationship for her with a counselling service is probably the best step. Introduce it on the basis that you both go because you are having troubled thoughts. Although I'd be cautious about announcing your wish to breakup at counselling, that might be the safest and kindest place to do it.
AngelsFan09 Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Quite frankly, you need to get her some friends or a hobby. I know it sounds a bit insensitive, but it's the truth. If she's preoccuipied with other things, she will give you some space allowing you to deal with school, social life and etc... Getting her friends...? Perhaps introduce her to your own friends and encourage her to hang out with them, without you there.. Get her comfortable with your friends giving her the courage to try to make friends on her own.
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