Texas2004 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I work in a large office building, and have gotten to know two women that work at an accounting firm on a different floor. They are good friends (they went to college together), and are both giving signals to me showing interest. Girl A got divorced about 6 months ago, and is not in a relationship now. About a month ago, she started emailing me frequently (usually daily), asks personal questions, and always wants me to come see her at work (in her office) to talk. However, I have asked her out to a concert and she said no, which felt like a blowoff. She doesn't seem to want to see me outside of work. Girl B I don't interact with as much, she doesn't email me, but she asked me out on a date recently (we went to dinner and an arcade) and we had a good time. I am likely to ask her out again. Girl A has never suggested going out with Girl B, so she isn't trying to politely push me on her. I actually like A a lot, and she gives off more positive vibes, but B is the one that actually asked me out. This is a tricky situation, especially since they are friends. Any thoughts on what is happening?
jcster Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 "A" is too soon out of her divorce to do anything definitive. She might really like you, but it's just too soon, so she is keeping it "work oriented." Women sometimes work in tandem - it's partially cooperative and partially competitive. Girl B asked you out because girl A is interested but not in a position to move on it. If you are truly interested in girl A - then you will need to wait another 4 - 6 months for her to feel truly "free." I would recommend that you remain coordial to girl B, but work on becoming friends with girl A. If you can win them both over, then you will have a chance with either one. But - it's vitally important that you don't sleep with girl B until it's completely resolved, or you will lose both. I hope this is clear...welcome to chick 101.
gman0hsev Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 was it a rough divorce? cause that could make her hesitant to get into another relationship despite how she feels for you. If you like A just wait it out.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'm confused. You prefer Girl A but are willing to settle for Girl B?
Izzy B Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 This should help you out. Girl A, point blank, is not interested in you romantically. She is flirting via email for her own self-validation. If she were interested, she would have gone to the concert with you or if she honestly had other plans, would have made it crystal clear that she wanted to go out with you another time. So...you can rule Girl A out, and really this solves your problem. It doesn't matter that Girl A and B are friends because Girl A is not interested in you beyond workplace friendship. She seems like she doesn't want to see you outside of work because she well....doesn't. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck....it is a duck. If she seems like she doesn't want to go out, she doesn't. Get it? She is just not that into you. However you want to word it. Since you had a good time with Girl B, you should ask her out. She may not be as "positive" or perky or whatever, since it was only a first date. Plus she sounds a lot smarter than Girl A because she doesn't email you at work. Do you realize you could both lose your jobs for personal emailing? Work emails are property of the company and are to be used for work purposes only. You really need to go out with Girl B more to evaluate whether you'd consider her romantically. She sounds smarter by keeping personal issues and interests OUTSIDE of work. YOU want the SMART girl, not the one who writes you personal emails at work asking to stop by her desk. I mean...do you people work at all? Where I work we don't have time to be visiting people on a personal basis, stopping by just to chat and ask personal questions. WTH kind of office do you work at? May I please have the address? I would love a job where I get paid for dilly dallying around with coworkers! Your problems are solved! Glad I could help!
kymberann Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 What if Girl A is just testing the waters? Trying to get back in to the dating game and doing it slowly so as not to get burned? Yes, self validation on her part, but also self preservation. I say if she is worth your wait, then wait it out, but why settle with B? Best!
Izzy B Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 What if Girl A is just testing the waters? Trying to get back in to the dating game and doing it slowly so as not to get burned? Yes, self validation on her part, but also self preservation. I say if she is worth your wait, then wait it out, but why settle with B? Best! No, Girl A is just not interested. She has no problem flirting and having constant personal visits during work time with him, going out with him would be something she would do if she were at all interested in him romantically. Six months after a divorce is fine to start dating (if you are interested in a certain guy, but she's not interested in Texas2004).
MystifiedByMen Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Girl A could be a little jealous of girl B as a person so she is interfearing with girl B by leading you on. Girl B could feel a little confused because girl A is telling girl B about at the flirting "on your part" and not telling girl B about how she is leading you on. If girl A really liked you, she'd be available for a date no matter what. I think girl B really likes you but not totally being herself because her jealous friend is putting little white lies in her head. I would cut off all contact with girl A in terms of flirty emails and stopping by the office. I'd focus on girl B for awhile and see where it goes. A word of caution, once and IF you ever sleep with either, you WILL lose both. I'm a student, so I bartend now and then and I see girls doing this catty bull**** all the time to each other, and yes.. to their friends. That's sad!
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 The female version of "cock-block". So true that women do it all the time.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 HAHA! I was going to use the term "cock-block" but I'm kinda new here and wasn't sure if it was appropriate. Yeah, I agree, it's so sad. Girls just to that to each other for ego reasons. Which makes the guy so confused.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Whether it is or it isn't, it's the only fitting term to describe the competitive process between certain women.
Illicit Angel Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 "cock-block" Im sorry but could someone please explain this to me :o
Sleek Geek Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Maybe girl A knows that girl B is very interested in you. She would rather save her friendship with girl B then take things further with you.
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 "cock-block" Im sorry but could someone please explain this to me :o The term is used when a guy targets a woman and another guy manages to interfere, whether it's through making the first guy look bad or getting to the woman first and asking her out. The odd thing is that sometimes the second guy isn't seriously interested, until the first guy made his interest known. In this situation, it's more a competitiveness between the two guys, rather than serious interest in the woman. Another scenario is that the second guy doesn't stand a chance with the targeted woman but will still interfere if the first guy attempts to make a connection. Women do all this all the time too, although most of the time, it's more a situation of competitiveness, rather than even having a chance or, being interested.
halfarock Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I’ve noticed that whenever I become interested in a woman, that her friends will suddenly become extra friendly towards me. I always just thought that it was something in that if one woman likes me, that it makes me seem okay or safe or something to other women.
Illicit Angel Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Fanx! I get it ... It's that selfish "i wonder if i could have him?"
Author Texas2004 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Interesting turn of events...I had a get together on Saturday night for a few friends, which I had talked about with Girl A, but did not actually invite her. She actually showed up, and we talked for like an hour. She had to leave to go home, but it felt really nice that she made the effort to see me outside of work. I think this is a good sign. Thoughts?
Trialbyfire Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I wouldn't necessarily read too much into it but she seems to like you as a person, which isn't such a bad thing. Keep playing it by ear. She might be the cautious type.
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