dally Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Anyways i started seeing this guy recently and everything has been going great. Well He told me he just got out of a long term abusive relationship so he wants to take things slow, and that he really likes me a lot. I went to send him a message on his myspace and noticed that they still call eachother baby? Its so confusing to me, he tells me he wants a relationship with me and its over with his ex, but yet they still talk on the phone and call eachother baby. i dont know if im being insecure or what. Plz give me some advice on this situation, what types of signs should i look for to see that i should end this, or should i give him the benefit of the doubt? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Where does "gets calls from ex daily and uses terms of endearment with her" show up on your list of things you look for in a guy? However slow he wants to take things should probably be irrelevant to you at this point. I think you should consider putting on the brakes completely and don't allow things to progress until she's gone for good. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 I have an ex who still calls me princess, and we broke up years ago. However, we broke up years ago, only talk a few times a year, live 1,000 miles apart. But the guy you just started seeing is still involved with his ex. They may not be having sex, and they may be open to seeing other people, but they only just broke up from a long term relationship, and they still talk even though there it's an 'abusive relationship'. People in abusive relationships find it very hard to walk away from each other. People who end long term relationships need time to get over the relationship. My bet is this guy and his ex are not done with each other emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 My bet is this guy and his ex are not done with each other emotionally. I agree whole heartedly that this guy is not done. as much as he says he is -- the ties are still there. And getting entwined will just torture and strangle you as a third party. Until he is done -- absolutely done there is no future there. And you will never be completely sure they are done as long as they are in contact. And because you will never be absolutely sure --- walk away and find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
NYCmitch25 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Anyways i started seeing this guy recently and everything has been going great. Well He told me he just got out of a long term abusive relationship so he wants to take things slow, and that he really likes me a lot. I went to send him a message on his myspace and noticed that they still call eachother baby? Its so confusing to me, he tells me he wants a relationship with me and its over with his ex, but yet they still talk on the phone and call eachother baby. i dont know if im being insecure or what. Plz give me some advice on this situation, what types of signs should i look for to see that i should end this, or should i give him the benefit of the doubt? Well it could mean nothing, it could mean something ... I would concur that it's mainly nothing, there is a lot of history there - she is 'troubled' and he hasn't dissolved all of his feelings for her. It's perfectly natural of course, for him to retain feelings for her.. for the rest of his life perhaps. But if he really wanted to be with her, would he be with you ? From your very short summary, I'd say slow it down a bit, you your common sense to see what it's all about.. don't over react. ps. define 'abusive relationship' Link to post Share on other sites
Aussie65 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 sickening!he sounds like he is not over and her him.I would not like it if my partners ex and he were talking daily. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 The "baby" factor alone would be enough to make me puke...get on the phone in front of him with a guy you know and start calling him "baby", and see how he reacts... Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 So he claims he wants a relationship with you? Yet he is still tied to his ex. You can walk away, or you can give it a shot, but I have a question: Has he told her that he is dating someone? I'd tell him calmly, "if you want this to progress into a relationship, I'm going to need you to tell your ex about me, and I'm not comfortable with my boyfriends talking to their ex's several times a week using endearing terms. If you need to tie up loose ends, tie them up. I'm not telling you that you can't ever talk to her again, but I need to feel like I am your priority if you expect me to commit to a relationship with you." Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 It's a bit weird that he's okay with it, especially if it was an abusive relationship and he was on the receiving end of the abuse. After splitting from cheating XW, I remember talking on the phone with her a few months afterwards about something to do with the kids, and she called me "sweetie". It was probably force of habit on her part. But, it creeped me out, and I replied "please don't call me that." She never did again after that. Link to post Share on other sites
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