summer33 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Sorry if this is a bit long, but i need to get all my thoughts out... im really confused and i have no idea what to do. So hopefully I can get some advice on this dilemma I am having... I have just started seeing a guy I met from an online dating site. We have been out on three dates so far and known each other for a month now, we talk on msn almost every night. I love his personality and like him mentally, i love chatting with him, he makes me laugh (and i absolutely love that), he is really sweet, kind, generous and smart, and compliments me all the time. he is basically smitten with me. However, I am not physically attracted to him 100%, there are some things that turn me off. I am attracted to him enough that i want to kiss him, and we have kissed, although he is a bad kisser and that is another thing that annoys me but i know that he can improve on that. So I find myself thinking that I should do better than that, that i should look for someone that i will fall head over heels for instantly with no doubts in my mind. Someone that would be a good breeder, symmetrical features, good genes, thats what my mind is telling me. On the other hand, my heart says the opposite. That i shouldnt focus on his physical appearance and flaws, because the emotional connection is what is important in the end. And we do have a connection, i feel it is there. Sometimes i find myself thinking about him a lot and missing him. He is a great guy, I know he would be totally loyal and devoted to me. But then my mind (my lizard brain) rebels: if youre not 100% attracted to him it will never work out. You need to seek out greener pastures. You know you can do better. I am a bit of a perfectionist and picky, so that goes to fuel it even more. Does all of this make me shallow? or is it natural human tendency. is it that im just genetically wired that way to always look for the best. Also I'm thinking that what if I only really like him because im yearning to feel loved and to love, yearning for physical and emotional intimacy. what if i only like kissing him solely because of the actual act of kissing. I've never been in this situation before... and so this is very confusing for me. Can I really be content with chosing someone that i have an emotional connection with and care about a lot, but is lacking physically? I've thought about giving it more time, a few more dates so i can sort all this out and figure out what to do. Do you think that would be the best course of action? What do you think i should do?
dodgerfan Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Give it a couple more dates and see where it goes. There's no reason to pressure yourself. However, if you're having these thoughts I would bet that this won't last(depends on how old you are). I went through the same thing with a girl. Dated her on and off for two years and in the end it didn't work. But at the same time I have dated beautiful women just for the looks and that didn't work either. I guess my point is, you do need to be attracted but attraction and love are two separated things and if you find that you love him that is worth keeping. It's hard to find a good match. Good luck.
jcster Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 In the long haul, emotional, intellectual, moral/ethical, and goal compatibility is most valuable. Trust me, it's rare that physical attraction can completely withstand the test of years without compatibility in those areas. That being said, physical attraction is what keeps you going in the short run. It is possible to gain more attraction to someone, and a few more dates with this guy will let you know if that will be possible. I'd give him a little more time, but if he grosses you out physically, then there's not much you can do.
Green Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 well the choice will be made one way or another.... I personaly need to be totaly atracted I dont break down my reasons. very strange how ur talking about the genetic symitry and all that. So what is this guy shor ugly and un athletic with a bad voice but you still find yourself falling for him and dont want to.
mental_traveller Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 How have acted in the past? Have you gone for guys based on physical or emotional characteristics? How did it go?
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