niceguy27 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Well, it's been one month yesterday since we broke it off. I have only seen her two or three times since then and only every couple weeks or so. And only really spoken with her during those times. A few txt's here and there. For the most part LC and now 1 week NC at all. Her mother still talks to me once in a while though. Just to see how things are going not from her trying to check up on me. Her mother and I were pretty close. The last I spoke with my ex she was telling me how much her roomates are bothering her about not going out. She explained that she is just too busy to go out and do anything anymore. Apparantly everyone is vying for her time...Except for me. Anyway, I am not a big facebook or myspace person, I get on periodically to check up on old friends and what not. And I did look on hers. She has not taken any of your pictures down from either site. Which maybe I am reading into a little too much, but if was OVER in her head, wouldn't she have taken them all down? When we originally discussed taking this "break" it was for a month (kudos to me for not contacting at all yesterday about it) and yet all of her stuff is still on there. Just a little confused. Im not obsessing over what she is or isn't doing but people who have been following my story may be able to shed a little insight to what she's maybe thinking.
Curious139 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I'm certainly not the right person to guess how she is thinking but I did want to encourage you. I don't know what my ex is really thinking either but have to take at face value that she has "moved on". I suspect her deeper feelings will be more complex but there isn't anything I can do about that. Chasing her is counterproductive. So I also think you should keep going with the NC. You are more desirable if she thinks you are getting on with your life. She no doubt still has warm feelings for you which is why she can't bring herself to remove the Facebook pics. As you and I have discussed before, nice people still come to the end of relationships and it is just as heartrending as it is for those who suffer callous treatment. Losing love is the worst thing I've ever experienced and that includes having relatives die. At least death is comprehensible and final. You are doing well, be strong and I admire your attitude if that is any help.
Author niceguy27 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Thank you for the advice. She came over to my house last night to get her things. She ended up getting all frazzled and distraught and said she cant do it right now. Too much going on. Then I noticed she still has a diamond ring on her hand that I got for her last year. And she went into my room and made a comment about putting our picture in there instead of out in the living room. I got to thinking, did she purposely go in there to check and see if I put it away? Anyway, I was really surprised at how I acted. I didnt say too much, just let her grab a couple things and do the talking. She apologized that she couldnt stay longer, gave me a hug, gave me a once look over, and left. I think I handled it pretty good. She was expecting me to get into things about us or ask her about her personal life. I think I threw her off a bit by acting a little aloof.
Curious139 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Good man I admire you. I don't know if I'd have been that cool in the same circumstances. Your inner strength and personal dignity are carrying you through this.
Author niceguy27 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 I appreciate that a lot. The past month has taken quite a toll on me. I don't think I have gotten angry at anyone at all. All my emotions have been so wrapped up with her nothing else really seemed to matter. It definitely is a process that progresses through stages. I go in to a lot more detail in the Coping section about what went down if you want to read more on it!!
Curious139 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Interesting. I'm nearly 3 months down the track and still very sad. I can't pretend that I don't hope. My anger has been all directed at myself because the loss is my own fault. Depression is often viewed as repressed anger and I've been clinically depressed. I haven't explored this view yet so I don't understand it but there is a ring of truth. You don't have to be angry at anyone. It is a stage of grief but we are all different and not everyone experiences every stage. However don't suppress it if it comes - anger is a normal and healthy response to pain. It is the people who nurture and keep the anger who have problems.
Author niceguy27 Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 I kind of see what is important to me now after all this. It sounds cheesy, but getting angry over stupid little things is pointless to me and I don't think that I will look at things the same as before. You know, getting mad if someone cuts you off, drives slow, etc. So many bigger problems out there. I still feel heartbroken deep down and would do anything to have her back. When I'm not busy, I still see her smile, hear her voice, and really miss the closeness. It tears me up, but all I can do is separate myself into two pieces. One that hopes and one that moves on. If you want, I can send you the info that I got that got me started on this new path. It has a ton of info on how to kind of "start fresh" along with some info on building relationships from the inside out (bonds that set us free-title??) Let me know, I would be glad to share it with you.
Curious139 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Thanks Niceguy, you could post links here or send me a PM. I don't know if you have PM enabled in your profile - go to Options. Cheers Curious
Author niceguy27 Posted September 26, 2007 Author Posted September 26, 2007 I dont think Ive reached the limit to be able to PM. I didnt see it in my options. The info is a PDF file. I dont know how to post it on here. When I get the ability to PM I will send you my email address. What the heck. [email protected]. Dont know if Ill get in trouble for posting that, but we'll see. Email me and I will send it to ya. Dont worry, its virus free too.
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