funkybassplayer Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Well all you guys (or most) know my story, i guess her new guy is not working out. I just saw the ex back on the dating site. You know what, i felt sorry for her and the kids, i did'nt glot at all, in fact i wanted to know she was safe and well, and although she took away so much from me, and made false promises to me, and i heard how wonderful this new guy is, well i still felt bad for her. I loved her, and just want her to be happy. I have been feeling all i had to and sometimes the pain was the worst, to lose her and her 3 kids that i adoured, and gave my heart to, then she ended it, (i always felt to the end that she loved me but i was bringing up some deep issues in her that i guess she found hard to deal with) then she strait away met some1 new on the site, and he said i could'nt have contact. I knew this guy was wrong from that moment. But i did my best to stay clear, he contacted me recently saying i tried to call him, (of course i never, dont even know his number! and why would i want to chit chat with him!! ) then 2 weeks ago the daughter emailed to say she missed me, and now i saw the ex back on the dating site we met on. My heart raced and i was shocked, but next morning it hit how deeply unhappy she is, and only now i know for sure how much i brought to her and the childrens lives. Sure i made mistakes, but there was no dought that i loved them with all my heart Well i just felt for her and the kids. I know its not my problem, but lining up another guy, not the way. To all out there, after a split, dont jump back in, feel your pain, all of it, i promise you will come out really strong from this. Even if your inscure, love and good feeling comes from within, and not some1 else. And i know that i have to keep moving forward, and one day i will again find some1 that is whole and happy, but till then, i have to keep healing.
frd150 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Yeah, The kids seem to suffer from that whole revolving door thing. You represented something solid to her daughter and shes longing for it. My parents divorced when I was in middle school. My mother met a guy that I really took a liking to. She broke it off and I think I was more devastated than him. After that it there were a couple of other guys but i never forgot that first one. He treated me like a son since he never had kids and my real father was to busy being mr. corporate. If I remember correctly ,you predicted this. Hope youve been well funk, sure seems like it.
tinke Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 funky, how wild....... as i was signing on, i thought of you (you haven't posted in awhile), and hoping you are doing well. i am glad for you that you can see once again, patterns will repeat themselves, unless one diligently wants and tries to correct them. it was easy for her to blame only you, as she was reaching out to another. she never gave herself the time to learn about HER! that is the advantage you have, all this time you were gaining more insight into yourself. are you tempted to contact her? i ask, only because it would be so easy right now. but, please funk...remember the pain and how easily she disregarded you. SHE is still that same person! hope you continue to do well....good to see your posting!
AriaIncognito Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 My ex signed onto his dating site about 1 month into his current relationship but then didn't again. Sometimes it doesn't mean they aren't still with someone, just means they are back to their old tricks. I have no idea what his status is, and really am not looking for him to tell me. When I checked back then I was hoping he'd be back to square one because I was hurt and really wanted him to be alone like I was. Well, it takes a while to realize that these people are alone, even when they have someone.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Ariawoman, your last sentence is so unbelievably true. Some people really are alone when they have someone, which I think is why they feel the other person isn't enough. So then they break it off with their significant other and try to find someone to fill in that "gap" that they have...in reality, only they can fix it. It's sad to see.
AriaIncognito Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Ariawoman, your last sentence is so unbelievably true. Some people really are alone when they have someone, which I think is why they feel the other person isn't enough. So then they break it off with their significant other and try to find someone to fill in that "gap" that they have...in reality, only they can fix it. It's sad to see. Thanks for the agreement. I very much saw this in my ex. Even though he totally had me, I wasn't enough. Even when he had the girl before me, she wasn't enough. I'm pretty sure that these people search for something in someone else that they feel is lacking within themselves, instead of taking the time to focus on their own issues and fixing it for themselves so that they can indeed have that meaningful relationship some day. For my exes sake, I hope he does it, but i doubt it would be any time soon. Back to funky, you're doing so well, try not to focus too much or visit the dating site too often, because while it builds confidence in ways to know she's lacking, eventually she could stop logging in, and then you'll feel sad again. It's hard. I still check sometimes too. But it won't do any of us any good.
marty Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 good to hear from you funky. hope you are well. your so right about giving yourself time to find yourself. its probably the first time i've done it properly. its some scary stuff, looking at yourself and dealing with all that you are. but, you are right. i can already see after only a few weeks that this is a life-changing peroid in my life. and i'll be so much stronger for it. but i can see why some dive back in and hide away,, because it takes a strong person to look inward. untill you're at peace with yourself and know for sure that you can rely on YOU,, your never gonna have a fulfilling, 50 50 relationship.
Author funkybassplayer Posted September 22, 2007 Author Posted September 22, 2007 thanks guys good to see you all here! well sort of! i feel and i have always said i will be more than happy to be friends if she would ever want that, but i feel i have moved quite away since we split, and as tinkle said, she has not changed, and i have, and i know i can meet some1 really special if i hold out. and at the mo, i really dont mind being single. Its not so bad, and im learning about myself. As i said b4, i do feel for her, and the kids, but im looking after myself now, and doing whats right for me.
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