I really didn't want to do that...

[MyOwnPrison]

Really didn't want to do that... now more confused.

 

Me and partner of 4 years broke up last week and I feel so confused with no where to turn or even think. We have to remain in the property though due to a contract clause which is another 4 months!!! I don't think were even going to last as we arguing every day some 3 for 4 times. Anyway to add more confusion I did something yesterday I shouldn't of, maybe someone could help me with all this? because right now I'm not sure what to think.

 

To help, here is an extract from my diary.

What a difference a day makes

 

In one week I managed to leave my job, broke up with with my partner of 4 years and spend a night with another girl. The job was always **** so no shock there really and there will be other jobs. My ex and me splitting was a collation of not being happy for the last few months, moving in together to soon and me changing and no longer wanting what my ex wants, and the other girl is someone who gets me and is there for me. From now on tho we'll refer to ex-partner as 'A' and the other girl as 'B'. Anyways It was a really good night with 'B' we laughed, got drunk and I even gave her a back massage; oh how I enjoyed that massage, ive not touched another girl in about a year and it felt so good but im getting ahead of myself. The reason I ended up all night with 'B' is because 'A' and I argued all day we both went to coupling councilling and argued there too, so bye the end of the evening I couldn't stand to be in 'A' company. So I went to 'B' and co's house and spent the night, at first we all stayed in and i did my usual thing with flirting with her and we all got merry; they all decided to go out after some persusion I did too, we had another good few hours dancing and drinking then for some reason everyone wanted to go minus me and 'B' so we both stayed behind, drank some more and danced; It was good fun untill we got a slow song and we danced really close, she smelt so nice and it was so nice being with her after everything; it just felt right. Anyways I got really close to a kiss and I think she wanted the same; heart racing a 1000 miles an hour and I stopped myself so I was like "want to make a move" she agreed, the walk back was nice again we talked and had a laugh. We got back to the house and stayed up the whole night laughing, getting drunk and getting close; we flirted loads and messed around and there was diffently a connection if not physical, emotionally. There was five times I nearly kissed her, maybe even more but one I can remember is when we got onto the subject about how tense she was and she never had a massage before, so I volunteed at first it wasnt that good as I was trying to do it with her top on but she moved the top down and I got into it. Safe to say I really got into it, like the slow dance and we got really close again; nothing happend but again it could of; hearts racing and man I wanted to kiss her, her skin was so soft and I wanted to know what those sweet lips would taste like. So it's the day after the night before, me and 'A' have argued the entire day and thats without even telling her about me and 'B' staying up the entire night together. So it's now 11.50am and ive spoken to 'B' (surprisingly she got in contact with me first) and it was a quick chat but I know she hasnt said anything which is good because I know 'A' mind will trail and thats all I need right now. So right now thats where I'm in my life; single, confused who I like/if I do like anyone/if they like me and no idea what to do next, this is going to be a very hard time and I think it's not going to get any easier all I know is I cant stop thinking about 'B' and the other night, maybe im reading to much into it and I hope I am because if it turns out that she does like me then I wont know what to think because right now I'm looking at it's one sided from my POV.

 

Lets see what tomorrow brings will we? I partly know; I have a mate over that likes 'B' but 'B' doesnt feel the same; so that will be fun to work out weather he should know what happend or didnt happen between me and 'B' but I brought this on myself and it could be worse or not.

[Spinderella]

SO you are going to counselling with "A" thereby giving her the impression that you are trying to work things out with her, but pursuing "B" at the same time, then thinking about how fun it will be to brag about it to your friend who also likes "B".

have i got that about right?

[MyOwnPrison]

SO you are going to counselling with "A" thereby giving her the impression that you are trying to work things out with her, but pursuing "B" at the same time, then thinking about how fun it will be to brag about it to your friend who also likes "B".

have i got that about right?

 

The coucilling was put out there; I explained to 'A' she shouldn't get her hopes up though because I'm not sure what I want, I went and it turned out it to be a disaster it wasn't helping as the counciller and 'A' were asking all these questions I didnt have any answers too and at the end of the session 'A' had a massive go at me for not trying. So we again argued, I left to spend time on my own with friends and boom that night happened which has even confused me even more and I don't want to pursue 'B' I don't know what I want all I know is pursuing anyone right now is a big mistake; but still doesn't stop me thinking about her a lot. As for bragging to my friend; I would never do that, I would speak to him and say look this is what happend but were just friends. So there you go I'm not sure if it was the answer you were after but like how direct you were with me (which isn't a bad thing) I was with you.

[Spinderella]

Ok, sorry, I find your posts hard to read.

It sounds as though you really need to get away from everyone and really decide what you want. It can be hard when people are demanding answers from you.

Is there any chance of you physically getting away?

If not, then the only thing you can do is tell "A" that you need to think about this on your own until the answers come to you, and leave "B" alone completely at this point. Then give yourself some time but spend it wisely, probably going out and getting drunk isnt very conducive to serious thought.

[MyOwnPrison]

Ok, sorry, I find your posts hard to read.

It sounds as though you really need to get away from everyone and really decide what you want. It can be hard when people are demanding answers from you.

Is there any chance of you physically getting away?

If not, then the only thing you can do is tell "A" that you need to think about this on your own until the answers come to you, and leave "B" alone completely at this point. Then give yourself some time but spend it wisely, probably going out and getting drunk isnt very conducive to serious thought.

 

Giving that University starts up this Monday and I got no where to live as the University isnt in my home town, I have no physical place to go. I apologise if my post confused you; didn't help I copied it from an extract of my diary and changed personal details but I thank you for your time and can understand why I could come across as being a git lol.

[Spinderella]

I really think it would be fairer to let "A" go completely then. At least she has a chance to try and get herself better, otherwise she will just continue getting confusing signals from you, and sooner or later she will find out about "B" too. Thats gonna hurt her.

You say you have to live together I think. It would really be decent if you refrained from starting up anything with "B" until you are no longer living together.

Its always a good idea to do the right thing.

[MyOwnPrison]

I really think it would be fairer to let "A" go completely then. At least she has a chance to try and get herself better, otherwise she will just continue getting confusing signals from you, and sooner or later she will find out about "B" too. Thats gonna hurt her.

You say you have to live together I think. It would really be decent if you refrained from starting up anything with "B" until you are no longer living together.

Its always a good idea to do the right thing.

 

See another thing I don't understand is I feel guilty when technically not done anything but lol still feel bad... ***?, I'm sleeping on the sofa, there is no sex, no hugging... all that is out there was the councilling but that turned out to be a disaster and I know longer want to go but 'A' keeps holding the councilling to me by saying you arent even trying to save this relationship are you? plus she keeps saying Ive got no where to go, my dad got rid of my room but I know for a fact her parents wouldn't see her on the street and I got a phone call later that I might be able to find some new tenants for this flat which means I could move out, but I really don't want to see 'A' wrong...

[Spinderella]

well, ARE you trying to save the relationship?

also, well you may not have technically done anything wrong, if you know it would hurt "A" then its wrong. personally i wouldnt be too happy if my bf gave a girl a massage under her top and fantasized about kissing her.

would you mind if some guy gave "A" a massage and slow danced with her?

i dont really know what your problem is, it seems you really dont want to be with "A" but are too afraid to tell her, and afraid that if you tell her you wont have somewhere to stay. thats how it seems, and yes it does seem very selfish.

[MyOwnPrison]

well, ARE you trying to save the relationship?

also, well you may not have technically done anything wrong, if you know it would hurt "A" then its wrong. personally i wouldnt be too happy if my bf gave a girl a massage under her top and fantasized about kissing her.

would you mind if some guy gave "A" a massage and slow danced with her?

i dont really know what your problem is, it seems you really dont want to be with "A" but are too afraid to tell her, and afraid that if you tell her you wont have somewhere to stay. thats how it seems, and yes it does seem very selfish.

 

Your right, I don't want to be with 'A' and I'm not as we broke up, I know I don't want to involve 'B' or anyone aswell, so after thinking this was a confusing situation its actually quite simple. Whatever option I choose 'A' will get hurt, so may aswell do it now.

[Spinderella]

phew we got there in the end. i really couldnt work out what you were trying to say. no wonder "A" is confused!

its kinder to just tell her. prolonging it will hurt ALOT more.