Bosiell Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Its been just less than 2 weeks since the worst nite of my life, when my gf broke from me. My first heartbreak, I was shattered. Although I am slowly coming to, I find the moment I wake up still so painfull, so hard to take. I think of her straight away, long for her back so much, each morning I feel I am back to square one with my glass heart again in pieces. A break up from many years ago, left me dreaming constantly of being back with that girl, so many dreams, each time I woke up down and angry, why does your mind do this to you! My real fear now is that I am going to do same with this girl, and constantly dream of being with her again. I do not think I can handle that again, and certainly not with this girl. I think that will drive to the brink. Does anyone else have similar emotions, I am guessing yes. My thoughts are with you.
Biker2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I know it's hard, but try to think of something else when you wake up. I am not that successful yet, but I keep trying...Most of my mornings tear me apart at the moment. Hang in there. It will get better!
Spinderella Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Train your mind not to obsess about it this time around. Remember that you got over the other girl and life did not end, you found somebody else. Try to use the technique of fading her image in your mind every time it comes up. Try to believe that things that are happening are for the best. Remember that if you were meant to be together, you would be.
sao2 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Oh Yeah, when I mark as a milestone that I woke up and didn't immediately think about her I can say I know what you are saying. I know it is hard to imagine this, but always remember, one or two years from now this pain will be nothing but a memory, or perhaps revisited with another. We move on not because we want to but because we have to. After my first big heartbreak, for a few years I was concerned that my heart had hardened to the point that I would never truly let myself feel great with someone again. But it did eventually happen. I would probably be more worried if I just got over this and didn't care.
Donza Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I dreamed about my ex this morning. For the first time in three months. I was sent crashing back to reality upon waking. I could not physically move for a good hour due to the renewed pain.
frd150 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 It was like the movie groundhog day for me. Every morning I would hit reset on my misery. Time will change this, trust me. I miss her everyday but now I wake up everymorning content and optamistic about whats next for me.
marty Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 yep,, im with you. mornings are BAD!. for the first few weeks absolutely horrible. i used to wake up early (usually after a cruel dream that we still together), then i was unable to either get up,, or get back to sleep.. .... ..... but it does ease. i think its your mind trying desperately to sort itself out. from my experience, it has to go through everything,, one thing at a time,, and let you deal with the feelings that each thought brings.
18T Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Yeah, this happened to me especially because I still had picture of us in my room. I finally decided to take it down and it helped me. I would occasionaly dream about what we used to do when we were still together and having to wake up facing reality. Sometimes I also feel like I want to live in that dream forever. One thing I find helpfull is to plan my day ahead. I usually plan what I am going to do in the morning and get right to it after I wake up.
Author Bosiell Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Thanks all for the replies. It is comforting to read that its not only me, suppose it is only natural for something so intense on the mind and heart all thu the day to be dreamt about nite. I believe dreams often hold all our most fervent desires but also our most horrible fears. Yes Spinderella. I must learn from the previous relationship from which I had so many dreams. I remember to well that I became obsessed with wanting her back, even tho I knew I could not. The dreams became almost out of habit, and I tell no lie, must have lasted for over a year. I cannot let that happen again, it will wreck me for sure. I actually for the last few days have gone to sleep reasonably well. I say positve things to myself, say a prayer or two, think of all the great friends and famliy that I am lucky to know and that I will get thru this and have a future. But I still find myself waking in the early hours, memories come flooding back. always of the best times. My heart turns in knots again, my head spins, the longing to go back in time is unbearable. The quietness of the early morning, where you have nothing to take your mind of it, you cant call a friend, you know you must try get back to sleep but its impossible. I know it will improve and I must be strong. As the day goes on I slowly start coming to, although she always on my mind, I can generaly put it to the back of my mind and by evening be reasonable calm. But come the morning it all starts again! Yep FRD150, Groundhog day! Well i am off the bed now, thanks again for all your posts. I will post tomorrow and let you know how things went tonite and morning.
Author Bosiell Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Hi again. Well good news and bad from last nite. I thankfully had no dreams of her, well none I can remember. But I again woke up early with every emotion racing thru my head and heart. At least it was a Sunday and no work, so I decided to get up and try be preoccupied and make plans with family, do some chores, go to the gym etc. So damn hard to focus tho, she is there in my head 24/7. God I miss her but I know I have to be strong and face forward.
Spinderella Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Its hard, but for what its worth, I think youre doing really well. You just kind of have to roll with those feelings dont you, until you emerge from them. It helps sometimes to think of a point you want to reach emotionally, and then allow yourself 3 days or so to calmly reflect on things until you reach that point, sort of like an intensive self healing. Any positive feelings you have then you can nurture those instead of nurturing the bad ones. I dont know if that makes sense, but it works for me.
Author Bosiell Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Thanks Spinderella for your encouragement. Yourself and many who post regularly on this and amazing people and should be proud knowing you are helping others, like myself. This forum has been invaluable to me and many others no doubt. I hear and understand what you are saying. You have to roll with the punches and keep picking yourself up. Looking forward to a point not just in time but within the emotion is also good advice. On a side point, I have just been listening to some Keane tracks on Youtube, such emotion in thier music. It made me cry but it helps the relief. If you dont know Keane to well, check out "The Hamburg Song". I am sure it will touch a feeling with many.
marlena Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Bosiell, I often wondered the exact same thing. Why are mornings the worst? I can only guess that it is that miniscule fraction of a second when reality kicks in and suddenly after the oblivion of sleep (if you are lucky and have dreamless nights) the floodgates open and you know he/she is gone. It happened to me when I divorced and it happened to me in all my other realtionships as well. It gets better, so to speak, as the day weras on. At least your defenses are up and you can do things to ward off intrusive thoughts or obsessions. It will wear off eventually. Until then you just have to accept it for what it is. Perhaps turning on the TV or playing some music first thing in the morning might help. Just a suggestion. Hang in there.
MagnoliaJane Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Bosiell, What might help a little is to make some small or big changes in your life that your ex is no longer a part of. It will re-establish a connection with yourself and make her fade a little to the background. If you wake up in anguish, put on a song that you really like, preferrable one that is not connected to her. Think about what you would like to do but couldn't do because you were in the relationship. Then take some active steps to make that come true...
SuperHands Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Yeah it's a real killer isn't it. I had a dream last week where I was back together with my ex and we were having a perfect time. Then I woke up and reality kicked in. I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and shut the world out. I'm no expert on psychology but I believe it hits us hard in the morning as it is your brain going into survival mode and working out what your threats are. Breaking up with someone is a horrible situation and our minds are programmed to get away from these situations even if it is not a life threataning one. It is part of our fight or flight mechanism. The way I deal with it, is just to go through the motions. Get up, do something, think about what you are going to do during the day. Watch something on TV and try and focus on it.
Author Bosiell Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 Bosiell, I often wondered the exact same thing. Why are mornings the worst? I can only guess that it is that miniscule fraction of a second when reality kicks in and suddenly after the oblivion of sleep (if you are lucky and have dreamless nights) the floodgates open and you know he/she is gone. I think that is so right Marlena, it seems like a fraction of a second when I wake, even just briefly that my thoughts turn to the reality of my situation, I dont even have a choice in the matter. Yes, turning on the radio and trying to drift back to sleep while trying to concentrate on that may help. Will try that tonite, thanks all. Magnolia. Yes I have decided there are certain areas of my life that I want(if not must) change, in order to help recovery and to be better prepared for next time, in that way like you have said, memories of her will fade to. Thanks again all for the time to post. My thoughts are with you. I will keep you posted
SuperHands Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Maybe another little thing to try, and something i did, is to write a small note to yourself with some positive thoughts on it and place it next to your bed. In the morning, when you wake, read it. It'll help you remember those positive things without having to rack your brain.
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