zzzzzzz Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 ok so this is kind of a long story but i will try to be concise. so my current girlfriend is a recent divorcee; she's been "formally divorced" for most of this year and we have been getting closer. we are planning on moving in together in november. most of the time it is fun and our time in the bedroom is very quality but she has this side to her, a darker side i'd never really noticed it outside of her tendency to be crabby like while driving, or b/c she is not happy about work or is hungry or whatever but recently on a trip to spend time with friends camping she did something which she had never done before. a group of people were gathered 'round a fire and one of the couples wanted it to be 420 but couldn't roll. of course i can and did, but around then it was deemed time to go to the bathroom, get another beer/drink, etc by my gf and perhaps a few others. well when she came back and we were indulging in 420 she freaked out that we didn't wait for her and pushed me down so that my camp chair went over backwards and i bumped my noggin on a rock. this is violence, and i didn't think she was capable of that towards me. anyhow we talked about she was sorry we moved on . but then this last weekend we spent friday night, saturday night into all day sunday and also called in sick to work so that we could be in bed all monday and whatever. sounds lovely right? anyways we part tuesday morning and i mention that we should maybe watch a movie that she had requested from netflix that night. i got home late from work, so did she. a buddy of mine and i made some impromptu plans during the day, but i called her like around 11 and she was like ok, she was tired, and i proposed we make it up on thursday night- to watch the movie. on thursday afternoon we texted "are we hangin out"/"you betcha!" so when i get home (late) my phone is low so i keep it on the charger in my bedroom on the opposite side of the flat while i prepare some grub for us. and i got the hifi on kinda loud, so i don't hear the phone ring. 9 o clock rolls around and i go check my phone, she left a message, i call back and get her vmail. whoopdedoo. shortly after she comes through the door and immediately starts the "why didn't you call? i was worried" bit and i am like "wha??" and she is ****in pisssed. no "how's it goin?" no hug and kiss, ya know she is mad. so i am like "i'm sorry" and she gets all quiet for like way too long. so i go and try to hug her, she's sitting at the table, and she is like stone still. silent. so i propose a walk. i gotta pick up some photos at the walgreens and we needed beverages as well. she agree's and is still like all quiet and reserved and i ask her how her day was and she talks for a bit. eventually she loosens up, i finish preparing the dinner, we eat watch some tv and i gave her a little 5 min massage. but then later it's all "you blew me off tuesday, my job is ****ed, i need tenderness" etc. i take it, she's a good girl mostly. we talk about it a little more trying to point out what i did that was nice to her and i propose that we just move on past that. we play some cards and go to bed as two young lovers should. but then this morning (fri) i gotta get to work and i wake up and she's touching the wood so i say "aw don't get me started, i gotta go to work" and she reacts in this way that's kinda bitchy (i don't remember exactly what she said) and i say "here we go again" to which she responds "here YOU go again" and i can tell she is peeved so i get out of bed and say "i'm sorry, i know you've been having a tough week, but i gotta take a shower and get to work. . ." and leave the room. then as i am drying off i hear the door slam. sure enough she ****in left without saying goodbye. this crushed me. i think i can deal with crabbiness more often than occaisonally, but that leaving without saying goodbye is some bull****. i don't know, she is very emotional, and prone to flights of whichever fancy it is: anger or ecstasy. but it is one of those things that makes me say "hmm." anyways getting to the end here, so through the course of the fact that we had to talk about stuff so much thur night, (i thought) it was decided that we would go out to dinner and watch the movie fri night. i text her saying i was home and come over whenever, and she calls back and is like (a mutual friend) is going to (pub nearby her crib) and so i am going to go there. so i say "i don't know if i want to do that." meanwhile thinking -is this direct retaliation against me for doing a quite similar thing; -does she remember we made plans to go out for dinner and watch the movie; -**** an a i am pissed at her, so i keep on with the i don't know about that statements. but she goes anyway and i stew. i guess i'm still stewing. we talk much later and of course i have to bring up the not saying goodbye thing. apparently i made a face at her that made her so mad she just had to go or whatever. i don't get this girl, although there was a point in time when i was SURE that i was in love with her. i ended the phone conversation like i think you should stay at your place and i at mine, which of course she didn't like and called back twice and i didn't answer. i am just really worried about our staying power with these events recently. what do you guys think?
jcster Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 It's so interesting to hear this kind of behavior from a guy's perspective. I think your girlfriend is borderline abusive - she's definitely very controlling and manipulative. Here are the red flags that I see: -You say that she's very emotional "Anger or ecstacy." -Her anger when you didn't answer the phone. -Her anger when she didn't get sex when she wanted it. -The incident on the camping trip. There's such a double standard about this, (even in my own mind, I'm ashamed to say), that for a minute I didn't think much of it. But, I've answered posts on LS before where it's been a guy doing very similar things, and my advice has been for the woman to get the hell away from him. So, that's my advice to you. Your girlfriend is showing the classic signs of a potential abusive partner. Do you have any idea why her marriage ended? Do you think she would be open to going to therapy - if not, then I think you should get out now before it gets worse. I recommend you read this thread on the board: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t127412/ and every time that you read "he" replace it with "her" and see if it doesn't ring any bells. Good luck.
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