Oseeker Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 So, I just broke up with my BF after he finally convinced me that "I love him, but I'm not in love with him". I dont know what happened, we just had so many disagreements that It finally overwhelmed all the things that we love about each other. We still love each other and want to see each other do good, but we know deep down that it will not work out for all sorts of reasons. We had a lot of future plans and we were going to start a family together, and it seems like we just did a 180. The problem here is that we live together, and even though he offered to help me move out and get a place, he wont have the money until late next month so I am stuck with the dilemma of having to still live in the same house as him. It is a little uncomfortable in that I love him still, and want to touch him and be with him, but at the same time, there are a lot of hurt feelings, and I know things would be better if we split. Has anyone else had this experience? Is it possible to be civil with someone, and just be their friend after a year and a half of being together? Is it worth it to go to therapy or is it easier to just go? I am so confused...
ijustwannago Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 just go. it's impossible to work out if you are in the same space. are you married or engaged, then well you shouldn't go anywhere and yep go to counseling. living together move out give yourself time and space to process your feelings. it's tough but you can do it!
NorCalDave Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 So, I just broke up with my BF after he finally convinced me that "I love him, but I'm not in love with him". I dont know what happened, we just had so many disagreements that It finally overwhelmed all the things that we love about each other. We still love each other and want to see each other do good, but we know deep down that it will not work out for all sorts of reasons. We had a lot of future plans and we were going to start a family together, and it seems like we just did a 180. The problem here is that we live together, and even though he offered to help me move out and get a place, he wont have the money until late next month so I am stuck with the dilemma of having to still live in the same house as him. It is a little uncomfortable in that I love him still, and want to touch him and be with him, but at the same time, there are a lot of hurt feelings, and I know things would be better if we split. Has anyone else had this experience? Is it possible to be civil with someone, and just be their friend after a year and a half of being together? Is it worth it to go to therapy or is it easier to just go? I am so confused... I know I couldn't live with my ex because I was still in love with her, or lust, or like whatever. I wanted her. More than a friend. Every day that I saw her, I had to suppress my feelings and it started feeling like torture. She has been gone for a month and a half and I miss her, but overrall it's for the best. Read my thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t123575/
NorCalDave Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 If you can handle it, then I say, try it. But if every day seems like a chore and just coming home is a difficult thing, then I would say get out as soon as possible. It could turn into a codependent mess. I know if I would have kept her around as a roommate and just accepted that we will never be lovers again, we would have become codependent on one another and I would probably never move on to be healthy for another girl. Lots of awkward moments I bet, too. While it was nice seeing someone I loved every day, it was not nice or easy for me to suppress what I was feeling. All I wanted was to cuddle once in a while, maybe be friends with benefits, some friendly hugs once in a while, just...being there for each other. But she pushed me away on all my advances, never even hugged me (unless I was moving her stuff or doing some huge chore for her) and showed me no love. So, the decision became an easy one. But, if you guys have love between you, and it's nice to have the other person in your life, and that person makes life easier for you rather than harder, then it can work. In my situation, it's obvious that my ex stopped loving me, and I still loved her. That alone is why it couldn't work. But if the love is still there for you two, maybe it can work.
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