Crazy Cutie Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I am in a very confusing situation because I am in a relationship that is 90% wonderful, but has a very troubling 10% that won't be ignored. My boyfriend and I were very close friends before we got together and we are currently in a long term serious relationship. My issue, not our issue, is that our relationship has very little passion, physical intimacy, and is becoming boring to me despite my intention to spice things up. Here it is in detail: Evenly Good: My bf has no real preferences about anything and no concrete ideas to back up any of his likes. Most things are evenly good which he calls, "Being easy like Sunday morning." This actually means that he is just as interested in me in a ball gown as he would be in a dominatrix outfit or my old torn up sweats. He loves me so that consistency is great - up to a point. I think that I am an attractive woman and I've been told so by other people yet I have been unable to peak his interest in any way. Their are no hairstyles, outfits, looks, touches, or ideas that make him interested enough to spur him toward a sexual encounter. I can't really hope for a really intense make-out session because he doesn't like to seperate making out from the sexual act. -I have taken him to porn store and he feels uncomfortable. -I have asked him about lingerie and he's evenly fine (with or without it doesn't matter) -He's evenly fine with all sex acts really -I tried to get a scent today that I thought he may think was sexy and he didn't even smell it because he had already decided that whatever I smelled like would be good (but no better than what I smelled like before) His take: You can do whatever you want its like being at a buffet Mine:Yeah it's a wonderful feast of food that all tastes like bread Sexually Powerless This whole evenly fine thing has left me powerless in our sexual relationship. Being unable to bring about any real and intense sexual feelings has left me waiting around for him to decide that he wants to do something other than cuddle. The idea of coming into a room in skimpy underwear, looking rather yummy I might add, and get shrugged off has made me not really want it anymore. I can't change the atmosphere because nothing threatens to illicit a reaction. Bad Buffet / Sexless Marriage/ Great Guy vs Boredom I don't think that my sex drive is all that high. My ideal is to have sex about twice a week minimum (about 8 times a month) but, after getting okay sex, less than weekly on average, I'm frustrated. This man isn't neglectful or anything like that. Emotionally he is ideal and attentive. I just fear that if we are in our mid 20s with no children and living in the same house but, can't seem to find time to have sex now then if we were to any additional responsibility that would be the first thing to go. BAM Sexless marriage for the rest of my life. He doesn't think that any of this is a problem, what do I do?
BklynGuy Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 It sounds to me like you've already identified several key components of a relationship in which you will be unhappy. These warning signals are key and do not ignore them. It is better to get out of a potentially unhappy situation first. Good luck.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 No guy is that passive! He is afraid to make a choice for some reason, or perhaps he is afraid to really share his preferences with you. Why? Check him for a porn addiction... if thats a negative then send his butt to a doctor!
Author Crazy Cutie Posted September 22, 2007 Author Posted September 22, 2007 He IS that passive. He watches porn but, not with me and not in excess. I am just under the impression that he doesn't have any reasons for anything that he likes. He can't describe to me why he likes ice cream other than he likes it. He feels that questioning any further is pressure.
Krytie TV Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Sounds incredibly dull and boring. Why do you love him so much? Just because he loves you?
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I am in a very confusing situation because I am in a relationship that is 90% wonderful, but has a very troubling 10% that won't be ignored. Sometimes that 10% is bad enough that it can kill off the whole relationship. Draw your lines in the sand and if you can't accept that 10%, or compromise, things will progressively get worse - TO the point you'll resent him...And, that's no way to be in a relationship.
Replicant Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 When you were just friends did he ever comment on how hot you looked one day dressed a certain way, said you smelled great or something of that nature, basically getting some flirting on with you to signal hey! i want to take the relationship to the next level? If you knew him as a friend you may know of his past, if something made him turn passive towards relationships. Or if that is his general persona, which may not ever change if that's the person he is and or likes being. Or has this been a change in his behavior since you started becoming intimate?
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