ECUMOM Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Hello Everyone: A little about me ---- I am 49 years old. I was involved with a MM for 4 years. It will have been over one year the first week in October. He called me last November and December 2 times and left me a message saying call me back and I love you. I never returned the call. He told a friend of mine in April that he still loved me. The past year has been the toughest year of my life. Of course he is living it up with his wife and I am still alone one year later. Several of my friends work for him and do things with him and his wife occasionally. I have had to distance myself from my friends in order to handle the fact that they still see each other and the fact that they are now friends with his wife. I have never been overweight but since our breakup I have gained 40 pounds out of emotional depression eating. So, you can imagine how this has affected my self-esteem especially considering his wife is petite and very pretty. Just Yesterday, he told a friend of mine --- quote "I really ****ed up Blondie's life --- I hate it but there is nothing I can do about it." He has now said this one year later and it has torn me to pieces. I guess I did not want him to know that he destroyed my world and my life. By the way, she did find out in the end and came and talked with me. I am the one that ended it. It is all such a long story with so many things I could say. If anyone out their can help me with re-building my self-esteem I would appreciate it so greatly. All I do is go to work and come home. I go no where and I am a social butterfly --- imagine that. I desperately need to get own with my life but after a year have no idea where to start especially since I have lost most of my friends to him. I can definitely relate with anyone struggling with a MM. Hope to hear from you, ECUMOM
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 First off, you MUST tell your friends to STOP telling you stuff about him and his wife. It is doing NO good and it's only preventing you from healing properly and moving on. As for his wife, you shouldn't be comparing her to yourself, she is who she is - His wife, so honestly, it doesn't matter what she looks like...You're internalizing this and making it worse. Consider getting some therapy to help you cope, build up your self confidence. Don't let what happened ruin you!! Fight it, accept that he was married and he never was going to leave his wife, and that is why you two didn't work out. I hope you find peace and happiness soon so you can find a single man worthy of your love.
Author ECUMOM Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 WHICHWAYISUP: Thank you for the reply. Just so you know I have taken myself out completely where my friends are concerned. I don't talk with them any more. I can't handle the fact of knowing that I may be with them one night and then them be with MM and his wife the next day. That just does not work for me. What I found out yesterday was from a friend that has just recently in this past week started talking with MM and I will walk away from that as well. I have to totally distance myself in or order to survive. As far as the self esteem thing --- I know you are right about it does not matter what she looks like ---- why am I self-destructing my self this way? By the way, have you been where I am and succeeded in a new life else where? If so, I would love to hear your story.
StillConfused Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I think your biggest issue is that you're being too harsh on yourself. I wonder why did you let him destroy your life like this. You should love yourself more. Stand in front of the mirror every day and tell yourself that you are beautiful, loving, strong and you've got everything you need for the happiness right there. You don't need anyone else to be happy than yourself. You know what, I think you should read some self-assuring books. There are several good ones on the internet. They'll help you boost your energy and self-esteem. If you don't love yourself nobody will be able to give you what you need. As for that scumbag, forget him. He does not deserve you. And he never deserved all the pain you've gone through. It's hard to find a nice person. I've come to realize this with my own experiences. But guess what??? It should not matter, because you should be happy even by being with yourself. Just believe in yourself and start doing what makes you serene and happy.
kymberann Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Even though it has been a year, you are still holding on. What do you really think your hang up is? Yes it is painful and it is a struggle, but you believed in yourself enough to end the R. You can believe in yourself to get back to where or who you used to be! YOu did it once before, do it again and again and again! What do you like to do? WHat did you do before Xmm came along? Do it now! Don't go home after work, walk around the park or streets or go to the gym. Distract yourself. Do not let him continue to dictate how you feel or what you do. Keep in mind any future relationship you have with a single guy can't move forward until you have resolved and let go of this one! Best!
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Do you feel vengeful? Because the very best revenge is going on with your life, taking care of yourself, looking after your appearance, channelling all of those awful low feelings into energy for your life to be the very best it can be. Dont let someone worthless be your ruination, because your worth more!
PoshPrincess Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 WHICHWAYISUP: Thank you for the reply. Just so you know I have taken myself out completely where my friends are concerned. I don't talk with them any more. I can't handle the fact of knowing that I may be with them one night and then them be with MM and his wife the next day. That just does not work for me. What I found out yesterday was from a friend that has just recently in this past week started talking with MM and I will walk away from that as well. I have to totally distance myself in or order to survive. As far as the self esteem thing --- I know you are right about it does not matter what she looks like ---- why am I self-destructing my self this way? By the way, have you been where I am and succeeded in a new life else where? If so, I would love to hear your story. Hi Ecumom, thanks for sharing your story. Mine has also been a year and still tough at times. Ok, what can you do to brighten up your life? I guess it's mostly the usual cliched (but true) stuff such as filing your evenings/weekends with things that you would normally enjoy doing. I am assuming you have other friends/family that aren't connected with MM who you can spend time with? Another cliche - join some clubs/classes, etc, learn new skills. That is one thing I find boosts confidence. If you're unhappy about your weight join a slimming club or gym (or both). I am normally a comfort eater but lost a lot of weight through the whole MM thing so although I was on a total downer I knew I looked pretty good. I've put a stone on again now which is too much for me so I know how these things can knock your confidence in a big way. One good thing - I know I don't look so hot so wouldn't want to bump into MM anyway! I have to say the only thing that helped with me trying to get over MM (and I am still not completely) was to meet someone else. No, he's not the big love thing and my feelings are nowhere near as strong for him as they were for MM, but we have great fun together and he makes me feel good about myself. It's given me more faith in men and relatioships again. I am lucky that the majority of my friends, particularly those who know MM, don't mention him unless I do, then they know I want to talk. An acquaintance saw him the other week and as she is a total sh*t-stirrer couldn't wait to tell me about it. Well, I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction and I changed the subject. She soon got the message! Lots of luck. I hope things improve for you.
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