I had a nightmare about my MM

[CAT100]

Last night I had a really horrible nightmare. I cant remember a lot about it but it started off with his ex OW (the one prior to me) calling me & telling me she knew him so much better than I ever would & he would never leave for me like he did for her.

Then it was his voice & I was asking him if it was true & he said yes, he had loved her much more. I was then screaming at him & he said he only kept me because I kept him amused & he didnt get any sex at home & I was an ego boost & a 'sweet girl'. I was crying & I said what about our future, what about all the things he said- like he wanted to marry me & have children with me? And he said it was all lies to keep me happy & keep me sticking around. Then he said 'stop crying, its pathetic, get a grip, you know you enjoyed every minute with me so be a grown up about it'

Then I was running under a bridge, it was raining and I was drenched & still on the phone to him, and he said 'Im never coming back, I never planned to come back, Im getting my needs met here as Im seeing escorts & its great because I just pay them & I dont have to make them promises in order for them to keep seeing me'

And then I fall over & Im kneeling on the floor with rain & tears all over my face & Im screaming at him 'No no how could you do this, how could you??'

And then he just starts laughing and laughing & he says 'You silly girl, you were fun for a while but then all the emotional crap just got to me, listen to yourself, stop whining like a baby, grow up! We had fun & thats it, just leave it. Hope you have a nice evening, Im going out now to a strip club, I could do with seeing some fit women'

And then start losing my voice, like my voice just wont come out anymore, and when it does it doesnt sound like me- it sounds really raspy & almost computerised, like a synthesised voice.

He then tells me that I might want to get myself checked out as he has some STIs & I might have got chlymydia so ill never become pregnant. And he says he did think Id look cute with a bump but in the end he just couldnt deal with a psycho obsessive girl for a wife, he wanted a real, strong & tough woman, someone to challenge him, not a whimpering little girl.

Then all I remember is I was sitting under a railway bridge, totally drenched from the rain & my voice totally faded away & the phone line went dead & I was sobbing but no sound was coming out anymore. All I felt was a total emptyness, like my heart had been ripped out and I was saying over & over in my head- why why would he do this? I havent done anything to him, all Ive done is love him. Ive believed in him, I thought he was my future, how could he do this to me? How could someone inflict this pain on another human being?

Then I woke up, sweating & still crying & my first thought was thank God it was a nightmare, its not real, I am ok. And then I thought, I need to see a counsellor because clearly I am getting messed up.

Lol...its not funny but I keep thinking WTF was the nightmare all about?? Does anyone know anything about dream interpretation?

Do you think I do need to see a counsellor or someone like that?

Please I do not want a ton of bashing from BSs or anyone telling me its my fault for getting into a situation with a MM. I just want some help and advice about whether I should take this as a bad sign, and should I get some professional advice, or shall I just regard it as just a nightmare & not read into it any more than that?

[whichwayisup]

And then I thought, I need to see a counsellor because clearly I am getting messed up.

 

C, I think this is a good idea.

 

Your mind is in overdrive, your worries and fears are on your mind so now you're dreaming about it.

[Impudent Oyster]

I cant remember a lot about it but it started off with his ex OW (the one prior to me) calling me & telling me she knew him so much better than I ever would & he would never leave for me like he did for her.

............... I said what about our future, what about all the things he said- like he wanted to marry me & have children with me? And he said it was all lies to keep me happy & keep me sticking around.

 

Just a few questions you might want to think about (actually, your subconcious already has)..

 

How many OW has he had? How did those affairs end? Do you think he said he wanted to marry her and have children with her (or them if he's had mulitple OW).

 

Look, you are his SECOND OW (that you know of), and he has a wife, based on his history, the chances of him leaving his marriage are nil. It's not going to happen, and that is why you had this dream, because deep down, you know it.

 

Why waste your time with someone who has a history of dumping OW and who clearly isn't going to get divorced?

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

It's even more than that. The part in the dream about him claiming to her that she's an 'ego boost' is right on target. This guy is like 20 years older than her, so of COURSE she's a huge ego boost to him. Fantasy Land. His chance to dip into the Fountain of Youth because he's entered his 40's and like alot of men that age, thinks he can re-live his youth by having a young playmate who looks at him with puppy dog eyes and thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread.

 

Why ANYONE would think highly of this jerk is beyond me. First and foremost, he LIED TO CAT from DAY #1 and told her he was divorced. WHO DOES THAT? A lying, cheating, manipulating, self-centered A*SSHOLE, that's who. But she chooses to overlook THAT as well, don't you Cat? He's a proven liar and cheater and already left his wife ONCE for an OW - but went running back home in the end. Now he's at it yet AGAIN - it's PATTERN behavior and Cat doesn't want to SEE that. When people show you who they ARE, believe them. Cat doesn't want to do that, however. She'd prefer to romanticize this poor, tortured, lost soul and totally overlook how he DISRESPECTED HER FROM DAY #1.

 

Right now he 's claiming he took his family overseas PURELY to be with the children and for no other reason. Sure. His wife gambled her whole financial future by 2nd mortgaging her home just to finance this jerk's oversea's business, but they "hate" each other. I don't know too many people who would 2nd mortgage their home and uproot themselves andtheir kids to move to another country - all because they despise each other so much. It doesn't make sense, it's a load of bullsh*t, and that's why Cat is having these dreams.

 

Deep down, she KNOWS it. She doesn't want to ADMIT it, but she knows it.

 

Look, I have a son just a couple years younger than you and if this were happening to him, I'd be absolutely furious that he was allowing someone to use him and disrespect him like you're letting this puke do.

 

I hope you continually have nightmares like this every single night until you finally open your eyes and realize what a crud this guy really IS.

[OpenBook]

Last night I had a really horrible nightmare. I cant remember a lot about it but it started off with his ex OW (the one prior to me) calling me & telling me she knew him so much better than I ever would & he would never leave for me like he did for her.

Then it was his voice & I was asking him if it was true & he said yes, he had loved her much more. I was then screaming at him & he said he only kept me because I kept him amused & he didnt get any sex at home & I was an ego boost & a 'sweet girl'. I was crying & I said what about our future, what about all the things he said- like he wanted to marry me & have children with me? And he said it was all lies to keep me happy & keep me sticking around. Then he said 'stop crying, its pathetic, get a grip, you know you enjoyed every minute with me so be a grown up about it'

Then I was running under a bridge, it was raining and I was drenched & still on the phone to him, and he said 'Im never coming back, I never planned to come back, Im getting my needs met here as Im seeing escorts & its great because I just pay them & I dont have to make them promises in order for them to keep seeing me'

And then I fall over & Im kneeling on the floor with rain & tears all over my face & Im screaming at him 'No no how could you do this, how could you??'

And then he just starts laughing and laughing & he says 'You silly girl, you were fun for a while but then all the emotional crap just got to me, listen to yourself, stop whining like a baby, grow up! We had fun & thats it, just leave it. Hope you have a nice evening, Im going out now to a strip club, I could do with seeing some fit women'

And then start losing my voice, like my voice just wont come out anymore, and when it does it doesnt sound like me- it sounds really raspy & almost computerised, like a synthesised voice.

He then tells me that I might want to get myself checked out as he has some STIs & I might have got chlymydia so ill never become pregnant. And he says he did think Id look cute with a bump but in the end he just couldnt deal with a psycho obsessive girl for a wife, he wanted a real, strong & tough woman, someone to challenge him, not a whimpering little girl.

Then all I remember is I was sitting under a railway bridge, totally drenched from the rain & my voice totally faded away & the phone line went dead & I was sobbing but no sound was coming out anymore. All I felt was a total emptyness, like my heart had been ripped out and I was saying over & over in my head- why why would he do this? I havent done anything to him, all Ive done is love him. Ive believed in him, I thought he was my future, how could he do this to me? How could someone inflict this pain on another human being?

Then I woke up, sweating & still crying & my first thought was thank God it was a nightmare, its not real, I am ok. And then I thought, I need to see a counsellor because clearly I am getting messed up.

Lol...its not funny but I keep thinking WTF was the nightmare all about?? Does anyone know anything about dream interpretation?

Do you think I do need to see a counsellor or someone like that?

Please I do not want a ton of bashing from BSs or anyone telling me its my fault for getting into a situation with a MM. I just want some help and advice about whether I should take this as a bad sign, and should I get some professional advice, or shall I just regard it as just a nightmare & not read into it any more than that?

 

Cat, I think your nightmare represents all of your internal fears - not just about your MM, but also your own fears of being inadequate, NOT ENOUGH in general, fears about everyone around you turning into horrible people who treat you badly (this last one could be induced by the guilt you feel about being involved with a MM).

 

I strongly believe that dreams are nature's way of "housecleaning" all the crap we absorb during the day. Our subconscious mind records EVERYTHING - but our conscious mind is only able to process part of it. Our dreams take care of the rest.

 

I think you're feeling a lot of ambivalence about the situation you're in. A lot of doubts, qualms. You're uneasy with it. And I think your feelings are telling you something - it IS a precarious situation, with great potential to cause you much emotional damage.

 

Maybe the purpose of your nightmare is to get you thinking. Something in your brain is definitely trying to get your attention.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Does anyone know anything about dream interpretation?

 

2. Do you think I do need to see a counsellor or someone like that?

 

3. I just want some help and advice about whether I should take this as a bad sign, and should I get some professional advice

 

1. There is nothing to interpret really. Its pretty straightforward - it is an accumulation of all of your worst fears. The body has a way of warning you when things are not right - for example, when you have a fever, you get nightmares. Vivid ones. This is your subconscious saying "excuse me, but we have a problem and I'm going to send you these horrifying images to remind you that things are not right". It is a visual interpretation of your body under stress. Well, consider your situation with MM as an illness that is causing you an emotional fever. Your subconscious is screaming at you loud and clear and I would bet you have physical symptoms of stress as well, and no doubt that is contributing here. Does it mean he is going to do this to you? No one can tell you that. All anyone can tell you is that you are afraid he is going to do it. Are the chances high that he will do this? Probably not in the mean way you dreamed, but I think the chances are high that he will never his family and I think you know that, too.

 

2. Yes. Not for the nightmares though. For the situation causing them. I really hope you find one who can help you out of this.

 

3. I take this as a very good sign, actually. Some would call it a meaningless nightmare, I would call it a wakeup call. Definitely consider a counselor.

[CAT100]

Thanks for the replies.

I feel a lot more 'together' than I did a few days ago, the day I had the nightmare was a particularly bad day for me & MM.

I think I wil still investigate counselling though, Ive never seen a counsellor before so Im not sure what to expect, but I guess it would be good just to have someone to talk to.

Do counsellors advise or do they mainly just listen?

[frannie]

Thanks for the replies.

I feel a lot more 'together' than I did a few days ago, the day I had the nightmare was a particularly bad day for me & MM.

I think I wil still investigate counselling though, Ive never seen a counsellor before so Im not sure what to expect, but I guess it would be good just to have someone to talk to.

Do counsellors advise or do they mainly just listen?

 

Hello CAT. I see you're in the UK too. I'm not at all an expert, but I have had counselling in the past, and in the absence of anyone else having replied, I'll tell you in vague terms what I know. Some therapists (cognitive/behavoural therapy types) will advise you on how you can change your thinking and behaviour to overcome particular problems. In this type of therapy the root 'cause' of the behaviour isn't addressed, it's just changed using various methods (look up CBT for more info).

 

Other therapists are more the 'talk therapy' types, who have more of a 'sitting and listening' type of approach, and their method is about getting you to open up about what you really feel, identifying the roots of those feelings/behaviour (usually in childhood, etc.), and having reached catharsis or understanding, to let go of those things.

 

And it's really up to you to choose which type of therapy or counselling you think would work for you. I have to say, however, that getting a decent counsellor is extremely expensive. Not to say an awful lot of trauma and emotion for you to go through (especially with the 'talk' type). But if you have real problems you need to deal with before moving on with your life, I think it's a great idea.

[jj2007]

Maybe you have been feeling guilty and your subconscious is reminding you about karma.

 

I would talk to a therapist. It sounds like something may be bothering you.

[PoshPrincess]

Thanks for the replies.

I feel a lot more 'together' than I did a few days ago, the day I had the nightmare was a particularly bad day for me & MM.

I think I wil still investigate counselling though, Ive never seen a counsellor before so Im not sure what to expect, but I guess it would be good just to have someone to talk to.

Do counsellors advise or do they mainly just listen?

 

I agree that the dream presented your worst thoughts and fear, particularly about your R with MM.

 

As far as counselling goes, I tried the 'listening' type of which I didn't find particularly helpful. Of course, that depends on the individual and maybe the person doing the counselling. For me, talking wasn't enough. I had talked the whole MM thing to death with friends and family. I felt I needed some constructive and professional advice so I found a different counsellor. The second one was far better for me. Althought he wasn't a cognitive behaviour therapist as such he did practice a lot of their methods. I found it far more helpful.

 

Cat, I hope you manage to sort yourself out and move on from this R, otherwise dreams like you've been having may become hardsh reality!

[Duck n' Bunnies]

Dreams are really strange, but I've taken some psychology throughout my years at University, and really, I don't think you have ANTHING to worry about. Dreams are just reditions of everything you visually take in throughout the day, as well as a mix of things you've heard, thoughts you may have had, emotions you may have felt.... It all get's lodged in your brain "so to speak" and at night it just kind of rolls around in your head in irratic patterns. The human brain is an amazing thing... Just recently... I had a horrible nightmare that made me wake up the same way you did.

First I was at a hotel in Montreal, with my boyfriend and my old friend Jenny, and we all decided to go to a strip club. We walk in and my boyfriend offers Jenny and I a hit of acid. (I have never done drugs and neither has my boyfriend) Next thing we knew, the curtains were on fire and we had to leave. (It sounds strange, but it was as clear as a movie... I swear! Anyway, it gets weirder) So we leave and go to another strip club down the street which is grungier, and my boyfried is pulled from the audience by a bunch of blond gorgeous stripper women and gets him to stand on stage. I tell Jenny that I am sick of watching strange women snuggle up to him and that I was mad and going back to the hotel. The next thing I know, I wake up (in the dream) and it's like morning, and their is a note next to my bed on my pillow. I open it up and it says "Just thought I would let you sleep!" So I smile but then my boyfriend walks through the door with a pair of boxers and a sign hanging around his neck that says "50% off regular price!" He comes up to me and gets in bed with my only to tell me that he went and had sex with one of the strippers the night before... I get so upset and irrate and I start going into a panic attack and go and lock myself in the hotel bathroom.... Im sitting on the toilet bawling my eyes out and I look down in the tub, and my girlfriend Jenny is laying NAKED and DEAD in the tub covered in water... her skin was all blue.

It was so scary and messed up that I woak up and started crying... I actually got to thinking about the dream later and was able to almost pin down every strange event.

First of all... I had been doing a research project on the effects of drugs on the human body at the time (explains the Acid) and I had recently returned from a trip to Montreal, where, if you've been to Montreal, you know that there are strip clubs next to toy stores on the main street, (that was a little self explanitory). Next, I had watched a movie before I went to bed that night... it was called "The Rules of Attraction" and in it, a girl commits suicide in the bathtub and her girlfriend finds her. (There were also alot of drugs in that movie, so that could have also explained the drugs in the bar). The 50% off sign was odd, but I also recently bought a shirt from a second hand store that had a similar advertisement on it, but it says Denver Haynes Tee Shirts $10. It was an advertisement shirt for a model in a store.

I don't know much about dream interpretation, but I do know that this messed up dream had possible reasons for being everything that it was. Dreams really mean NOTHING! Not to me anyways.

 

I hope that everything works out for you.