jaelynne52 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 First, I want to say that it is probably the best thing for you to focus on you right now. I know how it goes, thinking about him all the time and wanting to see him, but once you go so long without him around, it'll get easier each day. (I didn't believe it at first either, but it's working for me, even though I did see him on Sunday) It doesn't help that he keeps contacting you, but so long as you treat his number like a wrong number, or better yet, like a solicitor, maybe he'll get the hint. I know you already know all this, but I just thought I would reiterate. I just know how I would listen, and hear what everyone had to say, and then still do the opposite. It was like I had to have it beaten into me before it made a difference. So now that I've given my message of stay strong in taking care of yourself and separating from him, I do want to say that it seems like he is as confused as he says he is. The comment about how he doesn't think he can care about you deeply until he's known you for X amount of years sounds like a cop-out that he's feeding himself to explain his confusion. Also, the fact that he doesn't seem happy or supportive about you doing so well makes it seem like he still thinks you'll wait around for him. You need to disabuse him of that idea as soon as possible, or he'll continue to try and play with your emotions until he knows what he wants. It doesn't sound like your guy is mean, just so involved with himself and what he's going through that he's not really seeing how all of this effects you. I think you are right to say he's being selfish, but it almost seems like the same way a little kid can be, where they don't know any better. Overall, I think you did a good job putting on a brave face when you saw him. Now he knows that the world doesn't revolve around him, and that even though you are sad, you can still find enjoyment elsewhere. I really wish I could help you more though!
Author Chiquita27 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Thanks Jae...reading your feedback helps me more than you can imagine. Everytime I post something I look forward to your advice, specially because your situation and mine are very similar. And I look up to your strength. I know what you mean when you say you ended up doing the opposite of what people told you. That's what happens to me, and then realize that people say what they say for a reason and falling into the temptation of keeping in touch with him, only does me harm. Yeah...I think he would want me to wait for him...but he wouldn't think it twice to go out and find someone else. And that's not fair to me. That's why I made it clear to him that I will continue with my life and spend time doing what I like. I know he's not a bad person and I know he's confused. I wish he would just snap out of it, but I know that's not that easy. I have to start NC all over again and avoid him again.......
jaelynne52 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I look forward to hearing from you as well! Being able to hear your story gives me strength, because then I know I'm not alone, and there are others who are going through things just as tough, if not tougher. It makes me want to be strong enough for the both of us. Starting NC all over again seems like the hardest thing right now, but every mistake and step back teaches you a little more. And besides, going back just shows that you really care for your guy and want to help him. Chiquita, you have a big heart, which just makes it all the harder to hear how much it's hurting. I'm glad I can be here for you, as little as I can be. Keep posting, I like to know that you are doing okay. And keep doing all those things you like doing, because even if they only distract you for five seconds, that's five seconds of peace, and eventually all those seconds will add up. I know. It was only a couple of days ago that I surprised myself by having an entire conversation with my best friend without once mentioning my ex. If it helps, anytime you think of writing or calling your ex, write a post here like you were talking to him. I have a whole journal of sad and angry letters I've written to my ex, of all the times I wanted to call him and I resisted. It releases all that built up tension of what you want to say to him without actually SAYING it to him. I think you are doing great, Chiquita!
Author Chiquita27 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Today is a busy day at work and that keeps me at least a bit distracted.....whenever I have a moment of silence I think about him. I miss writing to him and telling him to have a good day or to cheer up and smile...because someone was thinking of him. What I've done now is keep in touch with friends and email them and tell them to have a good day.......they enjoy it and show me that they appreciate my little email. Things at work are a bit stressful, but, my boss has picked me to go for a training and the company will pay for it. That really made me happy..... I for once in the past weeks was able to appreciate what I have and stop complaining about what I don't have. I think today is a bit better than yesterday.......I hope each day becomes easier and easier and I start missing him less and less. Just needed to write a little....it helps me more than anybody can imagine.
jaelynne52 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Yeah, I still have a hard time not thinking about him when I'm at work. I found my productivity went down the drain after all of this happened, and I'm just now starting to get back on track again. I used to always email him from work with little things I had thought of or heard... I think one of the worst things for me to work out after the break up was what to do with all those little facts and tidbits that ONLY apply to your ex. Inside jokes, or things you had talked about, and then they come up and you want to share them, and now you can't. You get all excited momentarily, thinking "oh, it's going to be great to share that! They'll think it's so funny." and then you can't. It always depresses me. I'm glad to hear your day is going better today, Chiquita. And hopefully getting away with training will help you a lot, too, just to separate yourself for a while. Oh, BTW, I was watching Boston Legal last night for some unknown reason (I've never watched it before in my life) and one of the characters was talking about breakups, and how it's so hard to go from being around this person constantly to not having them around at all, and how it's one of the worst pains a human being has to go through. I don't know why, but hearing a character on television talk about it made my pain seem a little less. I mean, I know that everyone goes through it, as is apparent from this forum, but seeing it on national TV seemed to hit a nerve with me. Thought I would share!
Author Chiquita27 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Hey Jae! Yup....I know what you mean when you refer to the inside jokes or little things tha come up at work and you used to share......I used to have lots of those with my ex...and those were things only he and I would understand...Now I have nobody to share them with. We both love stand up comedy and I used to find funny bits and send them to him and that was like our little convo of the day.........now.........I have to get used to not having that anymore. And yes my productivity has gone down the past two weeks....it's harder to focus and it's so easy to get the blank stare in the computer just thinking of stuff.... When somebody on TV says stuff about relationships it makes you feel like there are so many people out there fighting the same battles as you are....we are definetely not alone.
jaelynne52 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Wow, you really do sound like you are having a much better day!! I'm glad to hear it.
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