starfox Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and it's been great. We're open, we talk, we're not overly-dependant on each other... Really I've been very lucky in this relationship. Back in the beginning of the relationship, he told me he was planning on never getting married again, never ever ever, largely because his relationship with his first wife was horrible start to finish and left them both in pieces. He's also fond of 'hypothetical' conversations, where the word tenses usually stress "if", "would" and "might," largely pertaining to how our families might get along if they met and such. For the past several months, we've both been helping our best friends with their wedding, and the tone of his conversations have shifted, especially as he sees more and more that I'm nothing like his ex-wife. His grandmother, the head of the family, has even invited me to Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. Pillow-talk conversations now include phrases like, "when our families meet," "I think this person and this person will get along just fine" and comments about how our families would react to certain things that each of us have always wanted in a wedding, like a gay friend of mine being a bridesmaid in a bridesmaid dress (long-standing promise). He brings up how much he wants to meet my father and brother, and how he wants me to bond with his mother and grandmother, and how he'd like to share his family with me because I don't really have any family members. And even though he's adamently stated how much he doesn't want children, I watch him as he plays with our friend's daughter and wanting to play with my little sisters and how much he seems to love every minute of it as he gets more comfortable around them. Because of how his first marriage went, I never bring up the topic of us being or getting married or having children because I want him to know that he's under no obligation or pressure, which is something that's caused previous breakups with other girlfriends. But the fact that his tense has changed from "mights" and "maybes" to "wills" and "whens," he has me seriously wondering! He's usually the type to say what he wants, but he likes being subtle and sneaky (in a good way). So with an outsider's perspective, would you say he's hinting at possibilities of wanting to try marriage again with me in the futuer, or does helping with the wedding just have him in a very romantic state?
Saxis Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Might be a little of both... He already knows you aren't anything like his X, or he wouldn't have stuck around for a year! Alot of people can really like kids, but not actually want any of their own. But... if he hasn't done anything to "fix" that problem, then perhaps he hasn't completely made up his mind? Alot of guys will say "No kids!", but don't expect their minds to change when the right woman comes along. 9 months + 18 years just scares the crap out of us! It still does me, and my daughter is already 3! 1 year seems like a long time not to meet family though, so I wouldn't worry about marriage until that happens.
Cad Rake Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Guys who have married before are MORE likely to marry than men who have never married before. It's the "marrying mentality" ... I don't think you can change it once you're past the age of oh.. 25 or so. Either you got it by the time you're an adult or you don't. So, if there are two 40 year old guys. One married once, horribly screwed over, saying he'll NEVER marry again; and another guy never married, great relationships all around, saying he'd love to get married if he could find the right woman... the first one is more likely to get married. Weird, eh?
Trialbyfire Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Until he asks you, I would be cautious about reading too much into what someone says. Perhaps what he's saying is that he's enjoying a committed relationship with you, likes the way you interact with his family and wants to meet yours, based on how you describe them. Whether this will lead to the altar, is a whole 'nother ballgame.
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