I must be in the Twilight Zone if I'm the only one on THIS BOARD who has to be.......

[DateAnalyzer]

mentally and physically stimulated in order to want a second date? AM I THE ONLY ONE ON THIS BOARD WHO FEELS THIS WAY??????

[Star Gazer]

Of course not. Everyone wants someone who they're attracted to, both body and mind. But I do think that writing someone off after a first MEETING for things as NORMAL as mentioning the fact they have a brother is just...incomprehensible.

 

More specifically, in your case what puts you in the Twilight Zone is what it does take to stimulate you, and how easily very normal behavior turns you off. Your standards and reactions to normal female behavior (particularly given your very abnormal behavior) is, quite frankly, weird and out-of-touch with reality.

[Kasan]

mentally and physically stimulated in order to want a second date? AM I THE ONLY ONE ON THIS BOARD WHO FEELS THIS WAY??????

 

From what I have read, I am confused in what you are looking for in person. It is usually normal to have a second date to make up your mind, as people are nervous on the first date.

 

Sometimes your impressions are way off due to nerves. Besides what could IT HURT???

[Saxis]

physically stimulated

 

That's asking a bit much for a first date, don't you think??

 

No, I get what you mean, but I think it would take more than a single date to really connect mentally. I'm pretty shy in person, so it takes me a while to warm up to someone.

[Cobra_X30]

Of course not. Everyone wants someone who they're attracted to, both body and mind. But I do think that writing someone off after a first MEETING for things as NORMAL as mentioning the fact they have a brother is just...incomprehensible.

 

More specifically, in your case what puts you in the Twilight Zone is what it does take to stimulate you, and how easily very normal behavior turns you off. Your standards and reactions to normal female behavior (particularly given your very abnormal behavior) is, quite frankly, weird and out-of-touch with reality.

 

Read between the lines SG. What do you see in DA, once you start to put the pieces together?

 

Is being condescending going to help?

[2sunny]

my god DA - give it a rest already!

 

maybe you shouldn't date at ALL fgor a long while - and take time out to figure out what is wrong with your thinking processes.

 

sorry to be so harsh - but they are not normal...

 

think about your sign on name - that should give you a clue as to why things NEVER work out after the very first date!

 

for a while there - i thought you were about 17 years old...

[Star Gazer]

Read between the lines SG. What do you see in DA, once you start to put the pieces together?

 

I don't follow what you're getting at...? But what I see is a man who has no understanding of human social interaction, and has no desire to change his way of thinking.

 

Is being condescending going to help?

 

Have you ever taken me for a coddler?

[DateAnalyzer]

Of course not. Everyone wants someone who they're attracted to, both body and mind. But I do think that writing someone off after a first MEETING for things as NORMAL as mentioning the fact they have a brother is just...incomprehensible.

 

More specifically, in your case what puts you in the Twilight Zone is what it does take to stimulate you, and how easily very normal behavior turns you off. Your standards and reactions to normal female behavior (particularly given your very abnormal behavior) is, quite frankly, weird and out-of-touch with reality.

 

 

I never said the statement about her brother turned me off, i just thought it was a odd bring up

[oppath]

I never said the statement about her brother turned me off, i just thought it was a odd bring up

 

Not nearly as odd as you bringing it up on a forum and asking us to assess it for you!!!!!

 

Imagine if I wrote a post saying: I went on a date, and she said she preferred grilled fish over broiled. Who the hell cares what kind of fish she likes? I want to get to know her, not what kind of fish she likes? It was so odd for her to bring it up. Not much difference.

[Star Gazer]

I never said the statement about her brother turned me off, i just thought it was a odd bring up

 

And I didn't say you specifically said it turned you off, only that you found it WEIRD, which you did. You focused on "all these weird things she was saying," and provided the example that she had mentioned she has a 22 year old brother and is looking forward to spending time with him in the near future. You found that comment weird; we didn't. But I think it's fair to say that we ALL find the fact that YOU found this comment weird, WEIRD.

 

Fact of the matter is DA, the only common denominator in all of these experiences you've been having is you. You need to stop whining about women, and start looking at YOURSELF. You're constantly coming up with the oddest reasons to dismiss a woman from the potential of a second date...reasons none of us can understand. You're rejecting them for being NORMAL. That is NOT normal.

[DateAnalyzer]

And I didn't say you specifically said it turned you off, only that you found it WEIRD, which you did. You focused on "all these weird things she was saying," and provided the example that she had mentioned she has a 22 year old brother and is looking forward to spending time with him in the near future. You found that comment weird; we didn't. But I think it's fair to say that we ALL find the fact that YOU found this comment weird, WEIRD.

 

Fact of the matter is DA, the only common denominator in all of these experiences you've been having is you. You need to stop whining about women, and start looking at YOURSELF. You're constantly coming up with the oddest reasons to dismiss a woman from the potential of a second date...reasons none of us can understand. You're rejecting them for being NORMAL. That is NOT normal.

 

 

What was weird about it was about it was a 28 year old woman getting excited about her 22 year old brother living with her for a month. That was the weird part

[shadowplay]

What was weird about it was about it was a 28 year old woman getting excited about her 22 year old brother living with her for a month. That was the weird part

 

huh? what do their ages have anything to do with it? you're sounding crazier by the minute...

[Krytie TV]

... and yet these threads continue...

[sweetbutcheeky]

mentally and physically stimulated in order to want a second date? AM I THE ONLY ONE ON THIS BOARD WHO FEELS THIS WAY??????

 

From what you have said in your many threads, you only care about the physical and where she measures up on your rating scale!

 

Be honest, you don't care about her as a person or if she stimulates you mentally!

 

The first date is just an award meeting, the second date is where people relax and you get to know the person on a more real level. If you always dismiss someone after the first date, think of all the potential woman that you lost a chance with!

 

Like walking down the street and passing by someone because they are too short, they could have been the person of your dreams ....

[DateAnalyzer]

huh? what do their ages have anything to do with it? you're sounding crazier by the minute...

 

 

look, i wanted to hear about her likes, dislikes, sparetime activities, what turns her own, outdoor activities, favorite foods. One of the things that's different about me is I don't like hearing about your family on the date. maybe later on a 2nd or 3rd date, but on the first one I want to hear about her only. I didn;t know how to respond to the brother statement

[serial muse]

What I think a lot of people here respond to is the level of control you seem to want to exercise over everything. For example, you say above that you want to know these things on a first date. Well, okay, that's you. Maybe she's close to her brother and that's important to her, so you should actually sit up and pay attention, or maybe she was just making conversation. Why does it matter? It doesn't, actually, except that you had a script in your head of how a date should go, and anything that deviates from that script strikes you as "wrong." You always seem to have a mental checklist of how people ought to behave in any situation based on what you'd do. You may even read this statement and think, "what's wrong with that?" But the thing that's wrong with it is that it's both controlling and intolerant.

 

And time after time, people on here are telling you your radar is off about various trivial stuff you want to complain about, but you cling to the idea that you're right and the rest of the world is therefore wrong.

 

Well, fine, but expect to stay lonely with that attitude.

 

I don't think you'll ever be able to be happy in a relationship with another human being if you can't learn to give a little, make room for someone else's perspective, let people be themselves and learn to appreciate them on those terms. All you ever seem to focus on is what you're getting out of a relationship. And who wants to be with someone like that? Would you?

[Replicant]

Imagine if I wrote a post saying: I went on a date, and she said she preferred grilled fish over broiled.

 

I would think something fishy was going on!

[Replicant]

What was weird about it was about it was a 28 year old woman getting excited about her 22 year old brother living with her for a month. That was the weird part

 

Your point is? Like the comment i made about the choice of going to other places on the date. It's called conversation...maybe you've heard of it? Maybe she was shy and trying to break the ice. Maybe this is something in the short run which she was happy about speaking on. Maybe they have a close relationship, maybe she was trying to say the get along great....Who knows, but of course you of all people wouldn't entertain any conversation lower than a B+ right?

[Sleek Geek]

look, i wanted to hear about her likes, dislikes, sparetime activities, what turns her own, outdoor activities, favorite foods. One of the things that's different about me is I don't like hearing about your family on the date. maybe later on a 2nd or 3rd date, but on the first one I want to hear about her only. I didn;t know how to respond to the brother statement

 

Her likes and dislikes: now you know she really likes her brother!

 

But seriously, your description of a first date is very clinical. I've never heard of a rule where one isn't supposed to mention family on a first date.

 

But it doesn't matter. The fact is you aren't into her and that's that.

 

I have a question... What is your objective in going out on dates? What are you looking for? Are you hoping for a relationship? Or are you happy on your own and just looking for no strings attached sex? (I bet I already know you will answer all of the above).

 

It sounds to me like deep down you are hoping for a relationship but are scared of it somehow. So you fall back on superficial rules, personality traits etc as a way to avoid actually having to invest yourself that way.

 

Relationships are unsettling. Letting someone into your life is accepting that this person will have an impact on your life. Relationships change people, hopefully for the better.

 

I think you're someone who loves stability. You like the world to be ordered just so and you would love it if dating would come with a rules book that you would just need to follow in order to succeed. Say this, do that and Success: nookie! You resist change.

 

No wonder it's frustrating for you. Humans are way too complex to be contained within rules. Yep, the outside world is outside of you control.

 

And until you are capable of admitting to that possibility, until you are capable of facing change courageously, dating will continue to be mysterious for you.

[Saxis]

i wanted to hear about her likes, dislikes, sparetime activities

 

And she told you she would like to spend time with her brother in her sparetime. Doesn't look like there's much of a problem here.... Family is a HUGE part of most people's lives, and they usually make for great conversation. Gives you an idea of what their background and lifestyle is like, too.

[sweetbutcheeky]

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone every time I read a new thread of yours and your responses. Makes me want to bang my head on my desk. Why to I keep reading them seriously?

[sweetie7]

uhhh I always talk about my family on the first date and I usually ask my date about his. If you want to learn about ME, then you will hear about my family, because they are a big part of ME. Maybe your family isn't a big part of you, but some people are close to theirs and like to talk about them. OR maybe your date was just telling you about stuff in her life and the fact that her brother is coming to visit. Is something wrong with that???

 

How do you expect the girls you go out with to know what you think is and is not acceptable conversation for a first date?? You have serious issues if you think you're going to find a girl who just knows exactly what to say and not to say. Is she supposed to be a mind reader??? I'm really sorry, but I think you sound like the weird one and your date like a perfectly normal 20-something woman dating.

[DateAnalyzer]

uhhh I always talk about my family on the first date and I usually ask my date about his. If you want to learn about ME, then you will hear about my family, because they are a big part of ME. Maybe your family isn't a big part of you, but some people are close to theirs and like to talk about them. OR maybe your date was just telling you about stuff in her life and the fact that her brother is coming to visit. Is something wrong with that???

 

How do you expect the girls you go out with to know what you think is and is not acceptable conversation for a first date?? You have serious issues if you think you're going to find a girl who just knows exactly what to say and not to say. Is she supposed to be a mind reader??? I'm really sorry, but I think you sound like the weird one and your date like a perfectly normal 20-something woman dating.

 

 

I just know if I start going on and on about my family a female woul become BORED. But when they are talking about their family a guy is supposed to PRETEND he is interested-lol the life of dating