my girl just broke up with me,i feel guilty and very depressed

[Spinderella]

yeah i thought that also,but do u think my casual response turned her off? I mean do you think she expected me to say " i love you to and miss you" or something on those lines? and cause of my response she felt silly saying what she did?

I cant work out if you two ever talked together about the break up, and if you ever told her how you felt. It sounded to me as though you didnt and so thats why I suggested you may have communication problems and that you should talk to her.

If she knows that you are heartbroken and love her and wish you could work things out then shes probably just having the usual dumpers crisis, in which case it makes no difference what you said.

If she still doesnt know how you really feel and is just trying to get the reaction and reassurance she yearns for then maybe it did sound a bit casual.

Maybe you should just take a risk and tell her how you feel. It might be too late, but it sounds as though you havent expressed yourself passionately ever, which left her wondering if you really felt it. Maybe thats not the case, its just how it sounds.

If its too late, hey, at least you tried.

[Spinderella]

hi,well we had the same idea,we lived together and she decided to move out with the idea of it getting better,but it actually made it worse,you know being apart,jealousy on both ends,i was suspicious about her decision to move out,so i was never at ease with it,and all the crap we had before just escalated.I admit insecurities on my part,but i had reason to b like that cosidering how she was behaving while still living with me.After she got her own place she became the distant one,its so confusing,im having an off day today

Oh right, I didnt know about this part.

I really think you will just have to accept it and move on. Its really hard, but it will get easier with time. Probably because of all these confusing communications, it is good to begin NC with telling her about it. Say that you need to heal and move on and no longer wish her to contact you because it just confuses you.

[bloodaye]

u r right to a degree,but i was passionate with her for the longest time until she got too clingy with me and started acting odd ( dunno if u remember me saying that in my first post)And when she first left i was calling and texting like an idiot.I stopped that and thats when she sent the "i luv u" text and then nothing.She actually told me off caus ei was calling so much and the like,so i stopped,then outta nowhere she texts me this i luv u crap.Im having an off day i try to go for walks and read,but how long can u walk for?,the whole time im thinking i have to come back to my stinkin empty lonely apt,its gut wrenching,meanwhile she sprolly out with some guy laughing and holding hands and flaming me.Even when i try to take my mind of it and do things like go for a walk and get a coffee and sit and read,i think to myself,holy crap im sitting and reading here all by myself like a chump it makes me feel worse and more lonely,sometimes i think its better to just stay home and hide

[Spinderella]

comparing your life to hers wont help you. also, thinking that theres something wrong with being alone. sometimes being alone is great.

it sounds as though you have done all you can. i didnt realise you had had so much contact already, and she had told you to stop calling her so much. i would have just said dont reply to her text. it doesnt matter though. you just have to pick yourself up.

start a new interest or something, maybe a class of some kind, give yourself something good to do instead of just focussing on her.

allow yourself a certain amount of time in the day to think about it, but the rest of the time force yourself to do other things. going for walks and reading books sounds nice too.

oh, and dont respond to any more texts.

[bloodaye]

im having a real bad day today,the last 2 days were pretty good,im dying iside today what the **** is wrong with me?

[bloodaye]

you know what im listening to right now "dont know what u got till its gone" by cinderalla how pathetic is that?

[bloodaye]

whats does this mean? My ex called me up to c me,i was hesitant,i wasnt sure if i culd face her,but like the idiot i am i did,She acted like she was so happy to c me,telling me how much she thinks about me and misses me and so forth,i told her that i missed her also, and i told her how bad i felt about how things turned out.keep in mind SHE called me to meet,i spent the night,nothing happened ,i gues we both felt awkward,i didnt want her to think i was there just to fool around,so i was being courteous.We kissed and touched a little and embraced.this was 4 days ago,and since then i heard nothing from her,i texted her to tell her how nice it was to c her,and again no response.What the hell is going on? She called me,acting like she missed me so much,i was so excited ( altho i didnt go overboard with my excitement) and then she goes back to ignoring me agian,now im back to square one,i dont get it man.I was happier then a pig in **** to her,and she seemed the same,and now nothing,what gives?I am feeling worse then i did b4.

[bloodaye]

and by the way im not playing games here,i truly wanted to c her,just like she gave me the impression that she wanted to c me,i wasnt the instigator,she was,and acted more happy to c me then ever,like what **** goes thru peoples heads ?Did i make a mistake by seeing her? I feel like the biggest idiot.

[carolinaboy]

bloodaye,

 

all i can say is i feel for you man. my ex gf of 2 yrs and i broke up a couple of months ago and she is with our old roommate now. she is content and i've had meaningless hookups and the thought of her moving on so quick messes with me constantly.

 

from being on these forums and thanks to insightful comments from Spinderella, i see now that whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen.

 

i was the clingy one in our relationship and i see how that drove her away. at the same time, i only wanted a line of communication/reciprocation that i eventually thought would happen. i'm using this break up time to figure out what i want from myself and a partner. dwelling just makes ya crazy.

 

bottom line, you can't beat yourself up about it and you have to pick your life back up.

 

i get random phone calls from my ex while i've tried to go NC and i think that is b/c she wants me in her life still but in her convenient way. i dont know if thats right, but i dont want to be around her until i've figured my crap out.

 

i work at a bar, so i know what its like to get home late and miss out on dates or hanging with people. it kinda makes the healing process hard.

 

dont read too much into the texts and whatnot. it'll just drive ya mad.

 

stay strong man.

[carolinaboy]

that was bound to be awkward. you'll never be able to understand those motives. it's not useless to try and figure them out, but the hell your mind will endure while trying will keep you from moving on.

 

im not in any position to criticize you for wanting to see her and going back and forth about this stuff. my ex wants to see me too, but i think it's so we start being platonic friends. i cant do that, so im just gonna hold off.

 

im sorry shes messing with your head man.

 

sounds like she likes to play mind games. dont let her have you in her life at your expense.

[bloodaye]

thanks man,sometimes i feel like im the only one with an issue,its hard to picture other people feeling the same way,cause noone really shows it,u walk down the street feeling like crap and u wonder does he or she feel the same way i do? Cause its never that obvious,and u start to feel like ur all alone,cause everyone tries to look happy.

[carolinaboy]

it's just that things like jobs, friends and obligations make you have to put on another face.

 

to be honest man, im still effed up as hell about this situation. im leaning on my friends, this site and trying to be my own therapist as to why this kind of stuff is going through my mind.

 

i think it's par for the course for everyone to listen to an overly dramatic song or two after breakups. i am doing that for sure. why would the songs exist for any other reason! haha.

 

seriously man, im giving it some time.

 

one of your earlier posts said that you had been hitting the bottle cos of this. i have been too.....which totally sucks, cos it is a crutch. my next point of business is to kick that habit.

 

if she contacts you man, just ask her point blank what she wants to get from all of this, that its not doing you any good and that you wish her the best.

[bloodaye]

thanks dude,i really appreciate ur responses,its just so messed up how ur mind can get so involved with something,yeah hitting the bottle is the worst,its a temporary relief,but when u wake to reality its a nightmare ten fold,thanks for taking ur time to get back,i value that immensly,i hope u do well also,im workin on it:)