Melovator Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I don't know what you tell him either... If you want it to work then you need to be 100% committed to doing whatever it takes. And PWSX3 is right MC is probably necessary as well as individual for the both of you.
Gunny376 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I N T E G R I T Y! As hard as it would be? Yea you should tell him. Why? Because he needs to know that you have wants and needs that as a husband he's not measuring up to. Ditto with the gay/bisexual issue. I suppose there are some women that not only could deal with it, but enjoy it. Your not one of them ~ and it sounds as though you've tried to be more than accomadating. I'm a realist, and I try to keep my life and myself "real" Of all people, I seek to keep it real with myself, and to be real with myself! Of all people you shouldn't lie to ~ don't lie to yourself! Me? I'm an azzhole, but I know that about myself! A loveable one, but an azzhole none the less. ______________________________________________ Good posts Mel and P!
Ladyjane14 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 It would hurt him something awful to hear that you've been having an affair. But it would also bring to his attention just how emotionally damaging and divisive his homosexual behavior has become within the marriage. Frankly, I don't see any way for those "in love" feelings to ever return unless emotional intimacy is reestablished. And how can you reestablish true emotional intimacy when you're feeling like you'll never be enough for him? How could he possibly reassure you that you are, when he doesn't even know he needs to? So I think you have to ask yourself if you're willing to live in a FWB situation or if you want true partnership and exclusivity with your mate. If it's the latter that you want... how are you going to show him the gravity of his situation without showing him the evidence of it?
Author realtorinturmoil Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 I appreciate all the thoughts you have shared. I know each persons situation is unique and it helps tremendously to be able to anonymously share thoughts and feelings with you guys. You are all really caring and when I deserved to be blasted, you didn't hold back:p. I need a swift kick in the a_s sometimes. I realize that. I am still struggling to break it off with OM, as we're actually friends and have known eachother casually for 6 years, with our "friendship" becoming closer when he bought a new house from me as his Realtor. Is it possible for me to just be his friend or do I need to completely nix the friendship? Even our kids are friends. The "gay" thing is finally out and my true feelings have been told. Meaning I am not interested in participating in the "swinging" or bi-sexual stuff or experimentation. It's just not my thing and I don't want to do it just to please him. Not sure how I might feel about him doing it on his own though. Still confused all around, but things are better than they seemed last week thanks to all your input.
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