carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I'm at work. I'm struggling to appear normal so no one will think anything is wrong. I feel like I'm going to burst into tears any second. I just have to get through today. Hopefully no one will wish me happy birthday or anything. I think I might break down if they did. Carrot
Author carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Mostly, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm not feeling very good about it being my 30th birthday and being newly dumped. I'm good-looking (I really am) and smart. I'm financially independent. No history of insanity in my family. I feel like I've got great qualities and it doesn't matter. No one wants me anyway. And I'm only just going to get older and eventually my looks won't be as good and then what? Carrot
Jmina Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 what do you think is wrong bartles... shes heartbroken. i know just how you feel. tell yourself that one day you will be over him. find comfort in that if you can. it is my birthday next month and i know that all i will be able to think about is if my ex is going to contact me and wish me a happy birthday, and also my last birthday spent with my ex is going to haunt me because it was so awesome. keep posting jmina
Author carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Thanks Jmina. I'm really having trouble coping. I have a meeting this afternoon maybe I'll leave after that. I'm not contributing much to the company this way.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 i think one of the big things when someone leaves you, or even someimes when you leave someone else, is the thought that nobody is ever going to look at you again. it doesnt matter how smart and attractive you know you are, its just a fear that you have lost your only chance at happiness. how you are feeling is a consequence of feeling rejected, and its awful, i know it is, but it isnt real. and 30 is not old, i dont think you should write yourself off just yet!
Jmina Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 if your really having trouble coping. write. get a pen and paper and write. write down everything.. writing is the only way to clear the chatter in your head a bit and to resolve anything .to get your prioreties back in order and to see what is really bothering you. if its your ex or if its something more personal within you. just write. you only gain from writing. it might be painful in the process but only good comes from it for yourself. writing gives you back your own power and you become indestructable. write your beautiful heart out. goodluck jmina.
Author carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 I went to lunch with my team and after we'd all gotten our orders and sat down, along came my ex - having lunch at the same place. It wasn't to be near me before anyone starts heading down that path. Lunch offerings in our area are very limited. But he sure could have seated himself somewhere else that wasn't right behind where I was sitting. He tried to make eye contact. I wouldn't. I had a sandwich and so far it's staying down but everything in me is lurching. Composed outwardly. Freaking out inwardly.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 i think thats great advice jmina! i have written myself out of some very unhappy places before now. its very therapeutic. walking can be good too. you can walk yourself through a problem sometimes. not suggesting that you can just have a little walk and be over this, but try to have a walk every day and make it a purposeful, healing walk.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I went to lunch with my team and after we'd all gotten our orders and sat down, along came my ex - having lunch at the same place. It wasn't to be near me before anyone starts heading down that path. Lunch offerings in our area are very limited. But he sure could have seated himself somewhere else that wasn't right behind where I was sitting. He tried to make eye contact. I wouldn't. I had a sandwich and so far it's staying down but everything in me is lurching. Composed outwardly. Freaking out inwardly. you did really good! thats all i am gonna say.
Author carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Thank you. It wasn't so hard to ignore him at the time because I'm hurting enough I must just be instinctively protecting myself. It hurts now though. I don't like acting mean. I don't like being in this situation to begin with. I came away with all of these random thoughts... I'm glad I look pretty today. His hair got longer. He is still gorgeous. His face is already becoming strange to me. He seems taller than I remember. I recognized the sound of his footfall across a busy room. My body still wants to connect to his. Why DID he sit right near where I was sitting when he could have seated himself say, over on the other side of the place?
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 just try to keep thinking the first thought in that list. the second ones not too bad, and 5 is ok too. dont even bother torturing yourself with the last thought. maybe he does still have feelings, but he better sort himself out and be a man and tell you so before youll even entertain the idea, right?
Author carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 A week ago friends asked me if I wanted to get back together with him and cautioned me to make a plan for when he came back. They ALL seem to think he's coming back. I'm the only one who says he won't. So anyway, last week I said yes, I'm in love blah blah blah. Today I'm not so sure I want to take a chance and go through this all over again later. I'm still in love but I don't want to go through this again. THIS HURTS!
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 i dont know if he will come back or not, but i think it would be best if you make sure he is absolutely sure about it if he does, and that you both have a very good talk about what happened and why.
Author carrotgirl Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 So many ifs... I'm not considering those ifs at all. Right now I'm not even making eye contact.
Grace112 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I couldn't imagine running into my ex on a day I felt vulnerable. Props to you for being able to keep it together. They say things always happen for a reason. I wish you well.
niceguy27 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I feel for you carrot. Last night on my out with some friends, the place we were going was down the street from where she works. As I drove by, she was pulling out and almost side swiped me accidentally turning into the lane. Kind of ironic because I have not seen her in a couple weeks now and not spoken with her just about that long and the first time I see her we almost collide. All that and today is the 1st month since our break(up). It's been real hard today because all of our pictures from us are still up on her myspace thing and I just couldn't help to look at them. In fact, after getting home last night (little tipsy) I actually slept on the couch after going through some of our pictures. Bad me. I couldn't help it. And she is going to be coming over sometime to get her stuff out. I'm not sure if she is avoiding it because she doesn't want to face up to the fact that we are split. Amazing that when you know someone so well, when something like this comes up, you have no idea what they are thinking when they cant even give you a straight answer themselves. Sorry,
niceguy27 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Quick reply cut me off!! Anyway, didnt mean to hijack your thread. I am feeling the same way today. Hang in there!! You can do it! Lots of us here to help ya through the day.
Illicit Angel Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 i think thats great advice jmina! i have written myself out of some very unhappy places before now. its very therapeutic. walking can be good too. you can walk yourself through a problem sometimes. not suggesting that you can just have a little walk and be over this, but try to have a walk every day and make it a purposeful, healing walk. Yeah......don't forget to burn it though when you feel ready of course ....helps with the letting go! It's sounds to me like your coping well keep it up
Author carrotgirl Posted September 22, 2007 Author Posted September 22, 2007 My body took over from the head. I got home at around 7 last night, threw a load of laundry in the washer, turned on the tv and woke up at noon today. Now that I'm rested I'm obsessing a lot more.
Ssheena Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Try and look at the positives. 1) you made it through the day yesterday!!! Big props for that. Considering how you were feeling and having to see him and know that he was sitting so close to you and not break down... great job! 2) you haven't called or contacted him. 3) you looked good yesterday. Remember there is no time line that you must follow. Healing is a individual process. Give yourself say 20 minutes to obsess all you want, let your thoughts go where they will, write it down if that helps but before you start, have something you are going to do after the 20 minutes is up. Whether it is watch TV, go outside, go shopping, clean, just have something planned to do when the 20 minutes is up. Good luck and good job ...I know it is terribly hard.
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