ellastar Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I tried to search for something about this topic, but geez, it's like finding a needle in a haystack here, which is why I am starting a new thread. Sorry. My ex broke up with me a little more than 2 months ago. There was no arguing, no reason - he just said he no longer had feelings for me. I see now, it was the classic "I love you, but I am not in love with you" cliche. From the time I noticed him withdrawing from me, to the time he actually spoke those words, 6 weeks had elapsed. We had together for a wee bit more than 2 years, living together for 8 months. I was finally able to move out at the beginning of this month and so we have had NC for about 3 weeks now (while in the apt. together, we had LC as best as we could for 6 weeks or so). Since we work at the same company, I asked him to take an earlier train for a few weeks so as to avoid running into each other. He has not contacted me, text me, e-mailed me. He gives my post to a friend, citing to her he would love to see me, but he is respecting my wishes of not having contact for awhile. But we ran into each other last weekend. We exchanged non-verbal hellos, but I saw him looking after me as I passed. He was alone. He looked very sad when he looked after me, but I was with a gf. Since mid-August, I have been "seeing" someone, well, we've been out a few times, very harmless, just dinner, meeting up with common friends for a drink, few phone chats a week. This weekend we're going hiking since we're both new to the area, we want to explore our new countryside. I've not kept it a secret, but I have also not been out and out bragging about it because emotionallyl, I am not ready to have a "new" bf, but also I am not a hermit and enjoy meeting new people. Unfortunately, someone I thought I could trust, told her bf who happens to be a colleague of my ex and I, about this new guy I have been seeing. I do not know if he has told my ex that I am dating. I do want to see my ex again. I am using this time of NC to re-evaluate my life and my feelings to see if I would be willing to try for a second chance. I know, no guarantees. Probaly setting myself up for heartache again. But I know if given a second chance, my ex and I could work things out. I don't know what went wrong that he ended it, but I imagine he got bored too. I'm older than him at least have had one serious relationshp b/f this one, know relatioships change when the honeymoon is over. I'm guessing, he did not get this, but this is all speculation. Anyhow... Will I ruin any chance I may or may not have with my ex by seeing someone new?
heartoutside Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I think you need to figure out what you want, if you want to move on and see this other guy or take some time to yourself to heal. But IMO you aren't healed from the break up and your new guy is helping that process or is making the pain easier because you don't feel alone. But if you think seeing this other guy will ruin your chances of getting back with your ex, you are dating this new guy for all the wrong reasons and hes getting used. It might make your ex jealous and come back, or it might hurt he's ego and sending him running for the hills. But either way your new guy is getting burned.
coolio217 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 your making this so confusing.you said he left you but then you said he respectas that you want some time alone?so did he asked you to come back? in the other hand.if hes the one that broke up with you,the fact that your seeing another man will not hurt his ego.it ill make him jealous and hell realize the phrase"i love you,but im not inlove with you" dosn't really excist.hell be back to you. and don't worry about being playing this other guy,cus we all get played sometimes want it or not.just try not to get emotionally envolved with him too or youll be in a real dilema
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 i say, the ex knows why you dont want to speak to him. its because he broke it off with you. if he wanted to get back with you, i'm pretty sure that he would think it was okay to contact you about it because, you know, problem solved and everything. on the other hand, you cant always be certain with people. maybe in this case it really would do you good to ask him what he wanted to contact you about, because its all got a bit confusing now. i really think that might be a good idea. at least you know for sure what you are dealing with then. if you contact and he is neither here nor there with his response just say you dont have time for that and dont contact him again. i really think this would be fine in this case. what do you think?
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