Daisy6 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 It's with so much gratitude that I'm posting here. Since finding this forum a week ago, and reading so many threads, it's helped to know that there are others just like me who are experiencing similar feelings. I want to put my story out there, hopefully to help myself, and also to help others. I was with him for 9 months. I thought that we had a perfect relationship. I thought that he was everything that I ever wanted in a man. I was completely in love with him and thought of the future between us all of the time. I thought that he felt the same way, but unfortunately, he didn't. After 9 months together, I found out that he didn't love me and didn't think that he ever could. He said that I was never in his thoughts about the future. I questioned him about why he never said anything previously. He said that he always hoped that the love would develop but it just never did. We broke up 6 days ago. Thinking back, I can see the signs of how our relationship wasn't perfect. I realize that he was withdrawing a lot. He was no longer available to hang out like he was before, he didn't always invite me to things, we quit doing some of the romantic things that we did in the beginning of the relationship, he acted very emotionally detached, and our sex life was suffering. Last friday, when we decided to end things, I was a complete mess. I couldn't eat or sleep for days. I'd wake up in the middle of the night in tears. My stomach would growl for food and the thought of eating made me sick. I had extreme difficulty meeting deadlines in my work. I was (am) hurt, angry, lonely, scared, and extremely sad. I hadn't talked to him at all since yesterday when he called in the middle of my work day. He wanted to exchange our things while I wasn't home. He just wanted to drop it all off. So he did that last night while I was out with a friend getting coffee. It was like someone punched me in the heart when I walked in the door and all of my stuff was sitting there. So that's my story. I'm still doing pretty bad. Some hours are better than others. I still wake up every morning crying. I still have trouble forcing myself to eat and drink. I still have trouble concentrating and getting my work done. I miss him constantly, but have done really well with no contact. No contact has been very important for me because I don't think that I could ever face hearing him say again that he doesn't want me. Never talking to him again is easier than being rejected by him again. I worry so much that I will never find someone as perfect as him. Many of my friends are married. I worry that I lost an identity as someone in a relationship, and now I'm the "single friend". So I hope this story helps someone else going through something similar. I hope that I heal soon.
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