MariaRebecca Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 5 months into my latest relationship, I made the stupidest mistake of kissing my ex. I admit I was wrong and I wish I could change what happened. I told my boyfriend and he understand. For about a day. After that, he was nasty. But fair enough. 5 months after that, he's just dumped me. I'm confused. If it hurt him so bad, why didn't he just leave me then? Instead of making it this bad for me, and us, and dragging it on so long. He said he'll get back with me one day. He promises me that. But he can't look at me without hating me. I've offered him space but it's difficult because we're both in the same class at college so we see each other 5 days a week. I thought I was pregnant a few months into the relationship. He's just told me he wished I was. That makes me feel so guilty for doing what I did. He thinks he's done nothing wrong in the relationship but he has. There's been things that have hurt my feelings and I've explained them to him. I guess he's too scared to admit he's wrong too? I've been feeling so suicidal lately. My life's going nowhere. I just want to prove to him that I do love him. Meh.
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 hey, all you can do is say sorry. it sounds as though you did that fine. dont beat yourself up over it. just say to him that you are sorry, but you cant change what happened, and you ask him if he really thinks it is worth throwing a relationship away for something that you would never do again. if he really thinks it is worth it then you have to just accept that. personally i would not like to be with someone who cannot forgive me and allow me the occasional error. it seems that this is his problem more than yours.
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 5 months into my latest relationship, I made the stupidest mistake of kissing my ex. I admit I was wrong and I wish I could change what happened. I told my boyfriend and he understand. For about a day. After that, he was nasty. But fair enough. 5 months after that, he's just dumped me. He understood for a day only because it sunk in the day after hence the nasty behaviour. I'm confused. If it hurt him so bad, why didn't he just leave me then? Instead of making it this bad for me, and us, and dragging it on so long. He said he'll get back with me one day. He promises me that. But he can't look at me without hating me. I've offered him space but it's difficult because we're both in the same class at college so we see each other 5 days a week. Maybe he dragged it for that long to see if he could make it with you after what you did. He probably still need some time to work things out but on his own, not with you around. I thought I was pregnant a few months into the relationship. He's just told me he wished I was. That makes me feel so guilty for doing what I did. I'm sorry but I don't quite get this part. He thinks he's done nothing wrong in the relationship but he has. There's been things that have hurt my feelings and I've explained them to him. I guess he's too scared to admit he's wrong too? Some guys find it hard to admit they are wrong but those who admit it, they are MEN not guys/boys. If you don't mind my asking, what sort of mistakes did he do? Just to understand yours/his situation. I've been feeling so suicidal lately. My life's going nowhere. I just want to prove to him that I do love him. Meh. Please do not say that. You need someone to talk to. Let your feelings out and I can assure, you came to the right place. Do you have a counsellor you can see in college? It will help to see one... *hugs*
Author MariaRebecca Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 thank you, both of you <3 one mistake i can remember is: i found out he'd been texting this girl. he said he hadn't then admitted he did. i'd rather he had told me the truth in the first place then lie about it. his excuses were "i didn't know what to do" "i'm not used to being in a relationship" and "i didn't wanna hurt you" as far as i know there isn't a counsellor at college. i have actually been wondering around the place to find out if there is one. -hugs back-
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 thank you, both of you <3 one mistake i can remember is: i found out he'd been texting this girl. he said he hadn't then admitted he did. i'd rather he had told me the truth in the first place then lie about it. his excuses were "i didn't know what to do" "i'm not used to being in a relationship" and "i didn't wanna hurt you" as far as i know there isn't a counsellor at college. i have actually been wondering around the place to find out if there is one. -hugs back- So this is sort of the case of "it's okay for me to do it but not my GF"? Well, your BF should have been honest about texting the girl in the first place. He actually accomplished that "I didn't wanna hurt you". You can always keep posting here, dear. It helps, really!
Author MariaRebecca Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Yeah exactly. I'm gonna. It's a good site and it calms me down a bit xD
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Don't worry about it, just pick up your skirts and move on. If you try putting the shoe on the other foot, you will admit to yourself that you would never have fully forgiven him if he'd have done the same.
Replicant Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 If it hurt him so bad, why didn't he just leave me then? Instead of making it this bad for me, and us, and dragging it on so long. He said he'll get back with me one day. He promises me that. But he can't look at me without hating me. He likely did not leave you because he was actually trying to put the issue past himself (or thought he could) but eventually realized he could not and did what he thought was right and that was breaking it off with you. Just move on with your life and don't make such mistakes next time round.
Lizzie60 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 First mistake: to kiss your EX... Second mistake: telling your bf... Now.. move on... don't waste anymore time and energy... too bad..so sad... you live, you learn... I guess. Don't look back... take care of yourself.
gman0hsev Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 5 months into my latest relationship, I made the stupidest mistake of kissing my ex. I admit I was wrong and I wish I could change what happened. I told my boyfriend and he understand. For about a day. After that, he was nasty. But fair enough. 5 months after that, he's just dumped me. I've been feeling so suicidal lately. My life's going nowhere. I just want to prove to him that I do love him. Meh. He dumped you because u kissed your ex? In my opinion thats kinda weak..... I mean you shouldn't have but you told him which means you both respect him and want to have a honest relationship with him. And you don't deal with crap like that because you kissed someone. Honestly i think there are relationships where a wife has done much much worse than that and they still manage to stay together. Anyway I'm thinking that he suspects you have done more than kiss with your ex. There is a saying that goes like liars think everyone else is a liar, cheaters think that everyone else is a cheater. And from the thing where he is texting another girl i would think that he would be a little bit more..... lenient. But seeing how you managed to forgive him but he can't forgive you, I'm gonna have to say that you are too good for him. And don't get suicidal there is so much out there to live for! I know it may feel like your world is over but its not! And read this quote its kinda gotten me through quite a few rough patches..... " "Even while you are in doubt, there will be an answer you will arrive to. Even while you are in pain, Your happiness will be waiting"(if that doesnt work just ask, i got like a bajillion more where that one came from)
Author MariaRebecca Posted September 22, 2007 Author Posted September 22, 2007 He's still talking to me. We still kiss and cuddle and we're still the best of friends. He told me last night that it felt like the 'old us' before anything happened. That made me feel better. This morning, he text me, telling me that something I ordered had arrived at his house. He was being nice to me. After a while of nice texts, he changed and said he can't be bothered with love. Maybe it's because of what I did. But where's my second chance? He told me i'm still the most beautiful girl he's ever met. But it's my personality that he doesn't like. I do make him laugh lots and i come out with the most randomest of things. But i don't see what else is wrong with my personality? He used to love it :S I've asked him to tell me so I can change (if not for him, make it better for myself) but he won't tell me.
Darkzen Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 5 months into my latest relationship, I made the stupidest mistake of kissing my ex. I admit I was wrong and I wish I could change what happened. I told my boyfriend and he understand. For about a day. After that, he was nasty. But fair enough. 5 months after that, he's just dumped me. I'm confused. If it hurt him so bad, why didn't he just leave me then? Instead of making it this bad for me, and us, and dragging it on so long. He said he'll get back with me one day. He promises me that. But he can't look at me without hating me. I've offered him space but it's difficult because we're both in the same class at college so we see each other 5 days a week. I thought I was pregnant a few months into the relationship. He's just told me he wished I was. That makes me feel so guilty for doing what I did. He thinks he's done nothing wrong in the relationship but he has. There's been things that have hurt my feelings and I've explained them to him. I guess he's too scared to admit he's wrong too? I've been feeling so suicidal lately. My life's going nowhere. I just want to prove to him that I do love him. Meh. He tried to make it work because of hope. He finally realized that the loss of trust surpassed his hope. If you want to prove to him that you love him, you must make amends for your actions. Show him you've changed and that you have conviction that what you did was wrong. He has to believe that you would never do it again. That will take a lot of communication as well. You hurt him and must fix the damage you caused for him to feel capable of putting it in the past. I'd say the first step is to talk to him about it, explain things in a way that will give him hope that you've learned your lesson. His hope in your has to outweigh the mistrust. It won't be easy, but you have to take responsibility for your actions, no matter how hard it seems. Suicide isn't the answer. It's merely the easiest alternative.
Author MariaRebecca Posted September 22, 2007 Author Posted September 22, 2007 If you want to prove to him that you love him, you must make amends for your actions. Show him you've changed and that you have conviction that what you did was wrong. He has to believe that you would never do it again. That will take a lot of communication as well. Here's the difficult part, he refuses to let me speak about what happened. I'm gonna give myself a few days to change each part of me I think he doesn't like (and what I don't like anymore either). Thanks :]
Darkzen Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Here's the difficult part, he refuses to let me speak about what happened. I'm gonna give myself a few days to change each part of me I think he doesn't like (and what I don't like anymore either). Thanks :] Don't change yourself. You'll just be living a lie and that's not healthy for the relationship in the long run. He's upset about you kissing someone else. I've been there, he tried to make it work because he has feelings for you. But over time those feelings weren't stronger than the feeling of mistrust/resentment/etc... It may be too late. He might have already made you out as the bad guy and moved on. Either way you have to talk to him about it and get it out in the open, then show him you've learned from the mistake and make him believe it'll never happen again. It'll never fully go away, but it'll help him get over those feelings.
ls707 Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 He tried to make it work because of hope. He finally realized that the loss of trust surpassed his hope. If you want to prove to him that you love him, you must make amends for your actions. Show him you've changed and that you have conviction that what you did was wrong. He has to believe that you would never do it again. That will take a lot of communication as well. You hurt him and must fix the damage you caused for him to feel capable of putting it in the past. I'd say the first step is to talk to him about it, explain things in a way that will give him hope that you've learned your lesson. His hope in your has to outweigh the mistrust. It won't be easy, but you have to take responsibility for your actions, no matter how hard it seems. Suicide isn't the answer. It's merely the easiest alternative. I agree w/ what he said To me; my girl kissing her ex behind my back is sort of a deal breaker/ major trust infringement. But I do admire your honesty in the subject and telling him; this was a brave act and shows that you have a conscience and most importantly morals. No one deserves to be played behind their back. he mustve tried to get over it; thats why the extra months; but once trust has been broken to that level; its usually irreparable or takes time to repair. Don't think of suicide; it solves nothing. Infact your just hurting the people you love more with that kind of an act. You might love him; but for him to love you his trust in you needs to be whole again. Give it some time. Maybe he will come back to you. Also this girl he was texting; was this before or after you told him that you kissed your ex?
Author MariaRebecca Posted September 22, 2007 Author Posted September 22, 2007 It was before the kiss.
Darkzen Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 It was before the kiss. If he didn't act on the texting, it's not the same as what you did. I'm not saying that he is right either, but actions speak louder than words. This is just my opinion on it... I'd have been hurt by either action, but the kissing an ex is far worse to me. Also, the time frame isn't important. You both made mistakes, if you're both willing to make amends and try to work it out, more power to you. Otherwise, move on and learn from your mistakes.
Author MariaRebecca Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 If he didn't act on the texting, it's not the same as what you did. I'm not saying that he is right either, but actions speak louder than words. This is just my opinion on it... I'd have been hurt by either action, but the kissing an ex is far worse to me. Also, the time frame isn't important. You both made mistakes, if you're both willing to make amends and try to work it out, more power to you. Otherwise, move on and learn from your mistakes. Okay, thank you. He did tell me last night that he does want me, just not my past. So I understand that it is hurting him I have asked for a second chance and if i do mess up again (which i said i'm trying not to) i would leave him alone. But he said he can't, so i'm just gonna take it day by day now and see what happens. Thanks for everyone's help! Appreciated.
Darkzen Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Okay, thank you. He did tell me last night that he does want me, just not my past. So I understand that it is hurting him I have asked for a second chance and if i do mess up again (which i said i'm trying not to) i would leave him alone. But he said he can't, so i'm just gonna take it day by day now and see what happens. Thanks for everyone's help! Appreciated. Unfortunately, "trying" isn't enough of an assurance for some people. Communication is the key to a relationship, people have to be open with one another. That's why deceit, lies and trust issues are many times too much to overcome. Don't wait around for him to change his mind, keep yourself busy and live life. If he decides he wants another go at the relationship, that's cool, but don't be a slave to his whims or you'll resent him later on.
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