bluepoppy Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 The supermarket had two for one on hagin daz and that's helping. I'm feeling a bit neglected by the bf. It's not his fault. We've both been busy the last two weeks, which has upset the routine. Actually I've been busy. I went away for a long weekend with friends, I went off climbing last weekend, been out with the girls. He's had family visiting. Both of us have families who have to travel a long way to see us, and as his sister was visiting for two weeks I made myself busy for the first week of it, so they've have time to catch up and visit. She's now borrowed his car to tour around for a few days, and is meant to come back Saturday. We'd arranged a date for tonight, but he emailled and cancelled this morning his shower is leaking into the appartment below, and the kitchen sink is blocked. He made an attempt at a flirty comment, but it kind of came out wrong. I have builders coming in next week, so I was going to sort things out tomorrow night so they can do what they need to do. I suggested we swap nights i.e. have a night tomorrow and I do my builder work stuff tonight. His response was that I should make plans without him for the next few days as his sister would be returning and he'll be busy. Now last week we'd spoken about him introducing me to his sister, this implied that that he wasn't going to. I told him what my plans were for the weekend, (I have a wedding of old college friends on the Saturday) - but said that I thought I was going to meet his sister on Sun or Monday and was waiting for him to make plans. He didn't email back. Now I know, that if after two years, you don't get introduced to familiy when they come and visit, (this is his sisters first visit since we've been dating) - that it's because he isn't planning to keep you around long enough to get involved with family, or because of committment issues or something like that. I also know that if I give him a piece of my mind, it won't help. (Actually I feel neglected, and between the flirty comment that came out wrong, and not being introduced to family - I feel like he thinks I'm good enough for sex but for his family - which of course is stupid, we've been dating two years, and of course there's more to it than that) So trying to keep calm and side step this, not have a go at him after all who wants that ? Any suggestions as to how and be all witty and charming without nagging/or being stroppy and still get what I want (which at this point is some attension as well as being introduced to his visiting family.)
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Breath and try and let out some of the frustration so you won't say anything to make things worse and wait for him to get back to you. I would keep it simple, just say I thought I was going to meet your sister while she was here? If he says no, then ask him why and maybe say I get the feeling you don't want us to meet. If that all goes well then bring up when you both can make some time for each other, because you need some time to reconnect after the long period of both being busy. Talk about you both being busy and not just him.
Author bluepoppy Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Now I feel like game playing, so that if he is available tomorrow, I won't be. Maybe the problem is I'm being too nice, and accomodating by swapping my plans around. I know that doesn't actually bring us closer, but it may bring him to a bit of attension.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Take that with a grain of salt. I try to keep my family as far away from my personal life as possible. He may be doing the same thing for personal reasons. I'd play it by ear and not read too much into that!
carrotgirl Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 just say I thought I was going to meet your sister while she was here? If he says no, then ask him why and maybe say I get the feeling you don't want us to meet. It might be good to say something very close but more direct. Gently make a statement: I'd like to meet your sister while she's here. Calmly ask the question: Will you introduce me? Then stop talking and see what happens.
squeak Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 You have been together for 2 years and haven't met his family? Since her appearance in town he is cancelling here and there and telling you to make other plans this weekend, around the time she will be leaving? And has spent the whole first week with her without inviting you voluntarily..... This is a bad thought-but how do you really know this is his sister in town? Definitely meet her before she leaves, this sounds bad. I hope I am wrong, I really do.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 You have been together for 2 years and haven't met his family? Since her appearance in town he is cancelling here and there and telling you to make other plans this weekend, around the time she will be leaving? And has spent the whole first week with her without inviting you voluntarily..... This is a bad thought-but how do you really know this is his sister in town? Definitely meet her before she leaves, this sounds bad. I hope I am wrong, I really do. Hmmm... I never even considered this. Can't believe you though of this and I didnt! I'm usually the evil, suspicous one.
Author bluepoppy Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 This is a bad thought-but how do you really know this is his sister in town? Definitely meet her before she leaves, this sounds bad. I hope I am wrong, I really do. I don't think you're right on that at all, he's many things but he'd spilt up with me before cheating on me - he can't keep enough things straight in his head to have two women on the go - his family don't live in the same country, and until this year, there weren't any budget/discount flights, but now two new airlines have opened routes there and there is some competition. Hence family visits. I've met his brother, who has visited for work before. This is the first time his sister has come to visit, and I suspect the problem is that because she doesn't speak much English, he feels it would be awkward. But he hasn't said that to me. To me it's important to meet family, even if you just nod and smile. He just called, and she is returning tomorrow and the conversation was a bit stilted I was waiting for him to mention meeting up, he was waiting for me to mention it. He's annoyed as the kitchen sink is still blocked no matter how much chemical stuff he puts down it. I've decided to wait until tomorrow to mention it when he's a bit more in order. K
carrotgirl Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Poppy? Please shut me up if I'm wrong here but it sounds like the two of you are walking on eggshells around each other BECAUSE you respect each other and care for each other and likely neither wants to rock the boat. Is it possible this problem could be avoided by being even more direct, more relaxed and a lot less "respectful" by you doing something like just dropping in unannounced with bagels and OJ tomorrow early morning? I mean this in a make less of a deal about meeting his sis way. This isn't a suggestion to be manipulative rather, it's taking the opposite direction and being easy-going instead of respectfully considerate and painfully tense. Carrot
Author bluepoppy Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Thank you - that's not a bad idea (not tomorrow, she's not there, she's back tomorrow evening) - and yes, we do a lot of argument avoidance tip-toeing. I have a bit of temper sometimes which can exhaust both of us. But I could pop round on the way to see a friend who lives down the road at any point over the weekend. Her flight is Wednesday, so I could even leave it til Monday or Tuesday. Make it casual, less anxt ridden - and a short visit too (as if her English really is bad, there won't be anything to say)
carrotgirl Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Carrot girl knows not what you mean when you speak of this thing called temper. Temper? Carrot?
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