PandorasBox Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 What would make you NOT forgive someone? What would reason(s) be? I'm sure that answer probably varies from person to person depending on the situation. I ask this, because I had made a post awhile back about my mother not forgiving her sister, who wasn't trying to be mean, but had told my mother something she didn't want to hear. It happens, we all hear or are told things at some point we might not want to hear. My aunt(moms sister) was not meaning to be mean, she said something to her hoping it would be helpful, and my mother took it the wrong way. My mother also has a problem with thinking she needs to be right with things, no matter what it might be. She has told us all she was 100 percent sure she knew what her sister said was meant to hurt her, and I know that is not the case. She refuses to forgive her. She has forgiven other people in her life who has done far worse things, such as abuse etc. I don't understand. So, what would be your reason for NOT forgiving someone?
JackJack Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 She refuses to forgive her. I don't know for sure, but I would think alot of that might be a pride thing. She's to prideful to let her guard down and do what she knows is the right thing by forgiving. Pride is not good either. If she is a person who always wants to be right, then there's a problem in itself and might also be part of her problem. I was in a similar situation not long ago with a buddy of mine. He has yet to forgive me either, over a big misunderstanding. I no longer worry about it. I go about my business because I can NOT make him make admends with me, even though at one point I was willing to do so if he was. He constantly showed he didn't want too, so therefore I just had to move on. The more I thought about it as time passed, the more comfortable I became with him not being my buddy anymore, because if he is so selfish that he can not forgive, I didn't really need to be involved with people like that anyway. As far as your mother and her sister goes. Blood is not always thicker than water, and maybe your aunt just needs to move on, and if there comes a day when you mother wants to forgive then fine. Until then, its your mother's cross to bear until she does.
EnigmasMuse Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 She has forgiven other people in her life who has done far worse things, such as abuse etc. I don't understand. I think this is what sticks out to me the most. She can forgive someone who was abusive but not someone who said something that she took the wrong way? That is what I don't get about your mother. Its good she forgave her absuer I guess, but to me that would be something I would less likely forgive than over a misunderstanding or something I took the wrong way. I agree with jack, it might be a pride thing, and it will be on her shoulders unless she comes to terms with things and forgive.
Cerise Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I honestly don't belive forgivness is about the person who did somthing wrong. I belive that we have to forgive for our selves. She needs to forgive her sister for her own well being and emotional state not for her sisters sake. I wonder if maybe forgiving in your mothers opinion is letting her sister 'off the hook' and maybe she needs to not worry about her sister and find some understanding with in herself.
Author PandorasBox Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks so much for the replies. Jack- I think you're right, alot of it might have to do with pride. She can be really prideful. EM- I think that I struggle with understanding that as well. She forgave a man who was verbally and sometimes physically mean to her, and talked about how she can't stand him, but yet she can't forgive her sister over something that seems minor compared to that. Cerise- I agree, I think it has to do with something from within. If I had to take a guess, and this is just speculation, but knowing my mother, I think maybe she really does want to forgive her. Talk to her etc, because I do think she knows what was said to her was out of concern not to be mean, but she has yet to admit that. Its like she wants to but still feels more comfortable hiding behind that wall of pride. It hurts me to see this continue. I know theres not alot I can do about it except maybe keep encouraging her to try to forgive. I wish I knew what it was within though, that she needed to forgive herself for though? Maybe forgive herself for the fact she shouldn't have shut her sister out and dropped her?
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