Dawg88 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 It has been 7 weeks since I've seen my ex and she told me she was seeing someone else and not to contact her. Our relationship ended badly. I said and wrote some terrible things because she just banished me without ever speaking to me...she did not return any of my calls, texts, ext and that hurt beyond belief. For the past 7 weeks, I've been a mess. I've had good days, but many more bad days. Well, I work at a local college, and she teaches a night class there. Yesterday afternoon, I headed to work, never expecting to see her. On my way, I got stopped in traffic for about 10 minutes due to road construction. As soon as I got through, she came off the exit right in front of me. I followed her all the way to campus through the side roads...about 10 minutes. I'm sure she knew I was behind her. All the way in, I was trying to figure out what to do. I could have just gone to a different parking lot than her, but I wanted her to see me. I've lost 30 lbs from working out so much, and I'm in great shape. I just wanted her to see what she is missing out on. I walked up to her and she was cold, but she did talk. She never did say hi, but she told me how she isn't happy with her job, and has no time to do this or that, and she doesn't have enough money to pursue her master's, and that she was bitchy. Finally, I stuck out my hand and I said, hey, we never said goodbye. She stepped back, and said, no. She wouldn't shake my hand. Then, I said, c'mon, keeping my hand extended, let's say goodbye. She said no, again, and walked to the other side of her car. On a side note, the first time we met, we shook hands. She always told me that she fell in love with me right then because my hand was so soft and she melted, so I was doing this for a reason, to see how she would respond. She always liked to hold my hand and she always commented how the softness of my hands made her knees buckle. Hence, I knew what I was doing. She played with my emotions long enough, so I wanted to tease her now. Anyway, I asked her why, and she said in a low voice, because we already said goodbye. I thought to myself, and in what imaginary conversation does she think she said goodbye to me. One day we were speaking, the next day she was gone, and then she was seeing someone else. Finally, I said I had to go, and she just said yeah, and walked away. I left a note on her window, but later I found it on the ground by my car. However, what came of all of this, after 7 weeks of not seeing her and fretting over her, is that I stood there looking at her and I realized that I could never even hug her again, let alone kiss her. I just knew at that point that I could never again get past what she had done to me. One of my friends saw me talking to her, and later he asked what that was all about. I told him about the handshake and his gut reaction was that she's either really bitter at me, or she'll be back at some point. To be honest I've broken up with plenty of women in the past, and whenever I've run into them, I always give them a genuine hug and say hi. No matter how the relationship ended, they were all part of my life. Sure, things didn't work out betweeen us, but I never harbor any ill feelings. But, this ex was down right cold. Regardless, I couldn't care less. I finally came to my senses. I realized she is not the person who I thought she was, and I do not love her. I read all of the boards here, and a lot of the stuff about NC makes sense, but if I did straight NC, as the months passed by, I would have missed her more and more, and I would have become depressed, because I would have been left in limbo wondering about her, and why she did what she did. Maybe getting stuck in traffic, and running into her on the road was a signal. Maybe I was destined to see her so I could set myself free. I have to tell you, I feel so good about myself right now. I now know we can never share what we once had. She's not the same person I fell in love with. While my contact was inadvertant, running into her was truly a blessing in disguise.
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 It's clear that you have moved on and what you were trying to do is just keep her in your life as a friend like you did with your other ex-es. Just keep doing what you do to make yourself feel better. You're looking great now, working out and moving on - you'll get over her for good in time to come. Enjoy your singlehood for now!!
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 this is good. sometimes it takes speaking to exes again to know that you are over them.
ijustwannago Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 wow good and sad. hope you are well today. stoked for you that you are moving forward and you confidance is up. NC is tough but it really keeps me sane..
NorCalDave Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 I've had the same exact thing happen to me with my ex. And it's kind of happening now. After our 2nd breakup, we ran into each other in a parking lot too. Much of the same coldness from her. I was always the one who wanted to make peace and "hug it out" and everything. But this time and the last few times I've run into my ex since our breakups, she bitches about her job, her family, her hormones, her lack of $$, and she just seems unhappy. She definitely didn't light up like before when we would talk. This made me realize that the dynamic of our relationship had changed. She had changed from the happy go lucky full of energy funny sexy woman into a cold, bitter, unavailable person. She is now not the woman I fell in love with. Physically, she still looks great and I could easily fall for her based on her looks, but why would I want to be with the "new" person she has become? This new person is a detached slice of her former self. On the outside, it's hard to tell, but on the inside it's obvious how many demons she still has to slay, that she may never. On the other side I need to get out of denial about a possible "rekindling" of our relationship and accept that this woman who I hold in such high regard is not the one for me, doesn't love me, and should not be in my life other than a memory of the past. Every day of NC gets easier. These people are right. You will have some bad days where you really miss the "old version" of her self...but just keep telling yourself she is the "new version", and you don't love that new version.
tinke Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 dawg, for the life of me, i will never understand why and how someone can simply leave without explanation, some sign of remorse for the hurt caused, etc. i had a very similar experience after 10yrs. jsut vanished, wouldn't accept ANY form of contact...COWARD! it is that pain that i remember and try to keep balanced when i have those urges for him. no, he too, is not the man i remember. particularly when someopne else enters the picture, the dynamics have surely changed. i can relate to your disdain. there had been times i thought if he were here, could i touch him, etc. when i have the urge to call, i have to ask why? what do i have to say? always, it ends up that i realize he is not who i knew. i am pleased for you that you had that encounter and are now at peace. keep moving in the direction you are heading......... p.s., her not wanting to STILL give you the satisfaction of a goodbye, since she initiated the break-up, says quite a lot of her character. plus, the note on the ground...c'mon now! not very mature nor lady-like. YOU ARE THE WINNNER!
Author Dawg88 Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 So many things ran through my mind during this encounter. When she pulled back from my extended hand, I thought that maybe she isn't ready to totally end things, but then I realized how bitter she has become and by taking my hand that would only move her closer to me, which she doesn't want to do, or is afraid to do. The other thing is this. If she can't stand me so much, why would she even talk to me? Why give me the impression that she is unhappy? Doesn't she have a new man in her life? She should be excited about that. And, throwing the note down was her way of telling me that she couldn't care less. I know I hurt her, but this is what I struggled with. For someone to stay bitter at an ex, wouldn't that mean that she still has some feelings left in her? I mean, if she truly didn't care, she would have moved on without having to put on the drama. I know if I dumped a woman, and I had no feelings for her, I would actually treat her like any other person. I would be nice, say hi, all that stuff. But to me, abandoning me without even telling me shows me guilt. Not answering any calls then acting so cold - I don't know - it's almost like she is afraid to talk to me. Nevertheless, when I looked at her, and her miserble puss on her face, and the whoa is me attitude, I remembered why our relationship suffered in the first place. Any thoughts?
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