spookie Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 The last time I was single was three years ago, and back then I knew exactly what I was looking for. I was cripplingly introverted, capable only of seeing the differences between myself and everyone else, and all I wanted was someone who felt like me. We would cement ourselves into each other's needs, be each other's one and only. It was obvious when I had found him; easy to fall in love. It didn't work out. I've changed so much since then. A lot of the changes were deliberate: I forced myself to make friends, immerse myself in social situations until I became completely comfortable just about anywhere, with any one. My mindset is totally different now from when I was 18. Now, I know that we all have more in common than we don't. And that the differences make us interesting; even my own; that most people, no matter where they're from or what they believe in, are good, friendly, sympathetic, and, on a personal level at least, open-minded. But with my more positive outlook, I find that I have no idea the kind of guy I want to end up with. Just about anyone reasonably attractive and intelligent seems like he could be a good fit for me, a different way. Do I want someone light-hearted, who will keep me happy? Or someone mature, who will push me to succeed, who will keep my laziness at bay? A hippie, to expand my horizons with? Or a quarterback from Dallas, to keep my hippie tendencies in check? I just have no idea. I meet new guys every week and all of them have different qualities I like. I know that means I don't know what I want, but is it important to? Should I be dating? Or does this mean I don't know myself enough yet? And what is important? Someone good for you or someone who makes your heart sing? And what does "good for you" mean? And when do you know? Right away, or does it take time?
Saxis Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I'm not over my STBXW of 3 years... not even close! I still want to go out and test the waters a bit anyway, but no, I have no idea what I'm looking for. I always thought I knew who/what I was looking for, but my X caught me by surprise. I always seemed to find girls I was really interested in, but never the ones that were interested in me.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Spookie, I've run into this a little bit also. I'm an amazingly well rounded person, and I can have a great relationship with pretty much anyone I choose. So, here is the only tip I can give you! Don't pay attention to the type of person... look instead for what kind of heart he has. Focus on those who have similar mindsets and values. And try to make sure you dont have to work to click with him.
Allison85 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 It sounds like you and I have a very similar personality. I love being around lots of people and I find the good in everyone and everything. I was engaged to someone I was in a relationship with for 5 years, we decided to go our seperate ways but are still on great terms. The past year I have been dating every type of guy you can think of and none of them seem to be what i'm 'looking for' the best thing I can say is be open to all your options at this point. When you meet someone that is 'right' for you, trust me you'll know, this person will stand out from all the rest... I promise. Until you come across the one that gives you butterflies and makes your heart flutter, enjoy your new found social lifestyle and get to know all the boys you think have potential. The good ones always sneak up on you
monkey00 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Seems to me you're getting pretty sound advice from the folks here at LS... There is no one answer here for anything, nor can anyone in their right answer your questions except yourself, you'll know when the timing is right. I think we all realize that we have a lot to offer, whether we're in a relationship or plan on being in one someday. In the end what it boils down to is whether or not you're happy with yourself and your life..possibly even your future too career-wise. Once you take the time to figure yourself out, things do become more clear. But that doesnt mean one should avoid dating at all. I think it's only fair to yourself to give someone a chance if both parties are interested...how would you know what you like or dislike in a partner if you avoid the dating scene? Everyone is different, some say opposite attracts or similarities attract - the end result is whether or not that makes you happy.
roxy_1980 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 How? Well, it's kind of a process of elimination. You take the problems from previous relationship and steer away from those traits. I actually have a theory about an inverse relationship between how much you dated (i.e. different people) before marriage and your likelihood of divorce. Meaning those that learn from their dating mistakes before getting hitched probably have a better chance of making it long term. What I look for though? I look for a guy that has similar interests, similar values, similar money styles. That can make me laugh, but can console me when I cry. I have a quirky personality, so I look for someone that is like that (or at least gets me). Someone who is looking for something more substantial.
Recommended Posts